“In my defense, Barb told me to. We’re both trying to shield Lennon from all of the negative stuff. I mean, let’s face it, Jake and I together would release alotof negative.”
“That boy. I swear he’s nothing but a bucket of mistakes and a bale of hay.”
“He’s hurt. I don’t know, maybe he didn’t even suspect Lennon was his to begin with. Maybe I was just fooling myself thinking that he had to know. Still, why wait until now to get allsanctimonious? Why is he so mad that I sent Jeff to talk to him about Lennon and didn’t go myself? I don’t understand it, and I don’t understand why he waited three years to do all this. It makes no sense. All I do know is that he’s determined to make his presence known with Lennon now.”
“And you’re worried,” my grandmother murmurs.
I let out a sigh that feels like it has to be forcefully pulled from me. I’m getting exhausted just from the stress of Jake. Knowing his energy is going to be focused on forming a relationship with my son does worry me. There’s just no denying that…
“Yeah, I guess I am. I mean, don’t get me wrong. IwantLennon to get to know his father and have a relationship with him. I know what a hole that leaves in your life when you don’t.”
“But you don’t trust him.”
I stop and look at her. I breathe out a sigh. “I don’t trust him.”
“It’s okay, baby. Sometimes in life, we have no choices. We just have to push through and leave the past behind us.”
“That’s what I was trying to do. Leave it to Jake to show up on my wedding day and ruin everything.”
“That boy always did have strange timing.”
I give her a half smile which probably shows just how sad I am.
“Mom, what am I going to do? Jake will probably be here just long enough to upset Lennon and then head out for another belt buckle. Jeff isn’t talking to me, and I got snarky with Barb tonight when she’s the last person on earth that deserves it. I feel so lost.”
It’s weird, but I call her mom. That’s what she’s always been, and it just feels wrong to call her anything else.
“Come here, baby,” she says. I move so I can go down on my knees by her bed and lay my head on her chest. Instantly, some of the fear and pain leave me as her gentle hands begin combing through my hair.
“I remember when you first came to live with me. You were so nervous, and it took almost a full year to draw you out of your shell. Do you remember, baby?”
“Yeah. I came home from school one day excited because I made the cheerleading team, and I couldn’t wait to tell you. I came running through the house like a crazy woman, and I yelled out for you, but I called you Mom.”
I turn to my side to look at her, and happiness fills me when her lips turn up in a smile that makes her eyes sparkle.
“You did,” she whispers, but there’s such depth of emotion in those two words that I just let it run through me before I continue. “I panicked and hid under my bed. I was afraid you would be mad because you weren’t my mother.”
“When I found you, what did I tell you?”
“Families aren’t built based on how they started. Families are pieced together and grown with love. You said I was your daughter and the most important person in your life.”
“That hasn’t changed, baby. I don’t know what’s going to happen with Jake, but I do know that no matter what happens, you will always be Lennon’s mother and he will always need you.”
I start to reply, but the doorbell rings. I sigh and sit up. I use the tips of my fingers to wipe the small tears that have managed to escape as I remembered the love my grandmother taught me. She may biologically be my grandmother, but in my heart, she’s definitely my mom.
“That will be Barb bringing Lennon home. I better go get the door.”
“Tell her I love her, and you stop being so hard on yourself. You hear me?”
“I hear you,” I whisper. I kiss her forehead, and she gives me one last gentle squeeze. Then I carefully pull her door until it’s almost together and head to the front door. “I’m coming!” Icall out. I yawn as I make it to the door. I hope Barb managed to wear Lennon out this evening because I’m beat. “Sorry, I was just putting—”
“Mom! Jake brought me home! We had pancakes and bacon.”
My gaze locks on my son, and I try to force a smile, but I can’t seem to get past the fact that Lennon is holding his hand. My knees threaten to buckle. I try to breathe through a wave of nausea.
“Hey, Katie.”
Finally, I look up at Jake. He’s tense, but there doesn’t seem to be as much anger on his face as there was the last time we spoke. I shake my head and look at Lennon. I squat down and give him a big hug.