“Things might have been different if I knew that Katie was already pregnant with my child,” I growl.
“Maybe, and maybe you would have hated all of us and blamed us for not getting to achieve your dreams. Maybe we were wrong. We all worried, and there wasn’t a day that we didn’t wrestle with our decision, but I’m just saying the world is not black and white. Every choice has a consequence. We’refacing that now with you, but you’re going to have to face the fact that your words and actions were the catalyst to all of this. It’s not that one of us is solely to blame here, Jake.Allof us are—including you.”
“My hands are clean, Nanny!” Lennon yells, running back into the kitchen, waving his hands around like that would show her how clean they are. I don't have much to smile about, but that almost makes me want to.
Mom takes a trembling breath, and I do my best to ignore the unshed tears shining in her eyes and how it hurts to see them. “Then, I guess I better get to making the pancakes, shouldn’t I? Jake, would you like to fry the bacon?”
“Guess I could. Do you like bacon, Lennon?” I ask, looking at my son and trying to ignore all the shit swirling in my head.
“No, but Nanny says I have to eat it to grow big muscles.”
“She’s not wrong,” I laugh.
“Do you eat bacon?” he asks, and I grin.
“Oh yeah, it’s like my favorite.”
“Even better than whipped cream?”
Memories of one of the last times Katie and I were together flash through my mind. Whipped cream was involved then. Since learning that Lennon is my son, I often wonder if that was when he was created. It’s completely possible.
God, I’ve been so fucking stupid.
“Sometimes.” I clear my throat, pushing the memories away for now.
They’ll come back to haunt me. They have since I found out the truth about Lennon and they just seem to get more and more painful.
CHAPTER 6
Katie
“There you go. Do you need anything else?” I ask as I straighten my grandmother’s blankets and pull them up to tuck her in.
“I’m good, sweetheart. I’m probably much better than you. How did your meeting with Jake go? You’ve avoided talking about it all night, so I know it was probably painful.”
I lean down and kiss my grandmother’s cheek and then sit in her lift chair by the bed. I keep a hold of her hand and give it a gentle squeeze. I don’t know what I would do without her.
“Well, you’re wrong. It didn’t go bad at all.”
“It didn’t?” she asks, surprise in her weak voice.
“Nope, not at all,” I assure her with a tight smile.
My gaze moves over my grandmother. I love her so much. For as long as I can remember, it has been me and her against the world. Then, when I had Lennon, she didn’t judge me. She didn’t yell at me. Instead, I received unwavering support and that gave me the courage to stand up and be the mother that Lennon deserved—the kind of mother she was to me because my own mother sucked.
Her hair is pure silver now, none of the beautiful dark hair that she had when I first came to live with her remains. Wrinkles have bloomed over her features through the years, but her skinhas just gotten softer, her scent sweeter, and her heart bigger. My grandmother took me in when I had nowhere to go. If it wasn’t for her, I would have become just another child in the system.
Jake never understood why I couldn’t contemplate leaving her. He always felt I was choosing her over him. In some ways, I guess I was. Then again, my grandmother never put her dreams over mine. I’m sure she didn’t want to take in a five-year-old child in at the age of fifty-five—especially since she had a myriad of health problems and a fixed income. She did it, though. The minute she found out what my so-called parents had done, she tracked me down and filed for custody. She didn’t look back and she sure as hell didn’t make me feel like a burden either.
And she has never been that to me.
I’m thankful for every single day I get with her. I cherish it. I’m thankful that my son has a chance to get to know and love her as much as I do. Lennon may have struck out when it came to having a father, but he hit a goldmine when it came to having grandmothers, and I love that for him.
“That means you left Lennon with Barb before Jake showed up,” she laughs. She has this sweet little giggle she has that always makes my heart warm.
“Maybe,” I admit.
“I knew it,” she says, clicking her tongue with a mild admonishment mixed in.