Please.
Not now.
“Not everything that happened afterward,” he says. “There’s more than you know. Not a lost friend. Not a fire. Not the emptiness afterward.”
He goes silent for a moment, and my heart starts beating fast at his words because they resonate with how I felt. I want to look away but can’t, drowning in his gaze.
“I took you to my place because you were drunk and vulnerable. And because I couldn’t bear the thought of Archer touching you. Or anyone else for that matter. But you never said a word afterward. No call back. No response to my texts when I asked you if you were okay. You stopped talking to me.”
The silence is too heavy. The soft lapping of the waves at the shore is like an echo.
“The worst was your silence, Callie.”
47
CALLIE
Kai’s wordsflip this happy moment in a different direction.
My heart sinks. “I thought you took advantage of me, Kai. We talked about it.”
Yeas, I was stupid, thinking that I was a victim.
He still holds me in his arms. It’s a strange way to have a serious conversation. And it’s so obvious to the others, whose voices I hear in the distance but don’t look at. This is like coming out of the closet.
“And something else,” I say. It has to be said. I look down, too embarrassed at the words. “I was angry. I never wanted Archer. I always wanted you, Kai. You know it, too. And I was angry that I didn’t remember that night.” My chest tightens. I say one phrase at a time so I can contain my nervousness. “I was angry that you did it not caring that I wouldn’t remember.” I take a deep breath. “I was just so angry at both of us,” I finish quietly and meet his gaze.
He nods.
I can feel his arms loosening. I let my legs go, and he sets me softly down onto my feet.
The happy moment is broken, and I desperately search for words to bring it back.
He runs his tatted fingers through his hair.
“If we talked, perhaps it would have ended up differently,” he says, not looking at me.
“Kai, don’t.”
There is never any point dwelling on past mistakes or tragedies. They told us that in communal therapy.
We stand with the waves washing over our feet and stare down as if the water holds the answers.
“Tell me something,” he says. “Why did you agree to date Archer?”
“Kai…”
I exhale loudly and close my eyes. How can I explain? Being eighteen seems like an eternity from being twenty-two. The time passed. Things learned. Tragedies. War.
I open my eyes and look around. “He was so charming and swift. And you were dating Julie.”
“No, I wasn’t.” Kai snorts.
“You were, too,” I argue, looking at him, though he won’t meet my eyes. “The day Archer came to invite me to the Block Party, he said that you and your new girl were coming along.”
I can see Kai’s jaw set, a smirk forming on his lips. He shakes his head. “Fucking asshole. She asked me out the day of the Block Party. She’d always had a thing for me. And Archer was already parading you around.”
Shit.