Kai doesn’t look at me. His body jerks barely visibly from time to time as if in recollection. But I can’t forget his gaze when he pointed the gun at the man. The steely determination—it haunts me in the most beautiful way. So do the gunshots that deafened and could have taken a life. But at that moment, I knew he did it for me, and my heart swells for him.
Katura straddles the bench at the table and stretches her hand to take the joint out of Kai’s hand.
She looks at Dani as she takes a puff. “How are you?”
Dani nods. She seems fine. Ty is not. He is silent, not smiling, not looking at anyone, even her.
My heart still throbs. My knees are weak.
I look at Kai, and his hands are shaking as he tries to light the cigarette, then curses under his breath, gets up, and walks away.
Dinner is served. But everyone is quiet.
Bo is grim.
“They might come back for revenge,” Owen says.
“Fuck,” Zach murmurs. “And now we have that piece of shit to deal with.” He nods toward the Common Lounge.
Bo shoves food in his mouth without visibly caring what it is. “Zach, Jeok, Guff, Owen, and me,” he says quietly, his eyes on the plate. “We are all up on guard tonight. Five people a night. That’s how we gonna do it from now on.”
Everyone nods.
I feel like the world is crumbling around me. This was supposed to be paradise. It only takes some time to learn that every paradise has a bottomless pit that opens its hellish mouth to swallow whatever falls into it.
After dinner, a bunch of guys light the bonfire. Darkness falls. Tonight, it’s menacing. It feels like back home when the Change brought out the worst in humankind. Especially at night.
Everyone gathers around the bonfire. There is no music. No laughter. Only soft whispers and quiet chatting.
The memory of Olivia is in the air. I still don’t know what it is, but now, I have an idea. It’s terrifying. Nauseous. It makes me wanna throw up when I think about what could have happened if we weren’t saved.
For some time, everyone just sits and stares at the bonfire. There is a feeling of an imminent end. As if it’s the last day. There is a feeling of a tragedy avoided.
But then there might be another one coming, more terrifying. There is a lot more scum in town.
When will they come again?
42
CALLIE
I can’t get ridof the images of the Savages in my mind.
There are other thoughts, too.What if it was my last day?
This philosophy never does anyone any favors. If anything, more often, it leads to recklessness. But in moments like this, it makes all the difference.
Kai is not around, and it bothers me.
I don’t want to wait for what is to come.
No tomorrow.
No promises.
Screw dreaming and planning.
The Change taught us that God laughs at our plans.