‘What in hell do you think you’re doing?’ she raged before he could ask that very same question of her. ‘What iswrongwith you? The woman you love is thousands of miles away preparing for one of the biggest days of her life—the coverage of the wedding iseverywhere. I know you can’t stand the media but how can you let her go through that alone?’
Completely unnerved to witness his sister lose her temper, something he could never remember seeing her do before, he said, ‘I just told you, we’ve separated.’
‘Then get yourself back to Ceres and un-separate yourselves before it’s too late!’
‘It’s already too late. She’s made her mind up and I agree with her. We are not compatible. Alessia’s life is one of duty and that is not—’
‘And what about your duty to her as a husband?’ Mariella demanded, stamping her foot for emphasis. ‘What happened to your conviction that you could make your marriage work?’
‘I was wrong.’
She stamped her foot again. Gabriel had the strong feeling she wished it was his head under it. ‘Since when have you told lies and since when have you quit at anything? You have succeeded at everything you’ve ever set out to achieve and more—if you’d wanted to make your marriage work then you would have done.’
‘Ididwant it to work.’
‘Then why are you sitting here pretending to work while your marriage falls apart, you idiot?’ Slamming her hands on his desk, she leaned over so her face was right in his. ‘I have never seen you as happy as you were with her. I could even hear it in your voice. I was sohappyfor you. It gave me hope that maybe there might be someone out there prepared to take on the screw-up that is me. You found the happiness that I wouldkillfor and now you’re throwing it away? You married a princess, Gabriel. You knew what the deal was. Either you accept that fully and embrace it or you can look forward to a life as miserable as the one our mother leads.’
‘Our mother’s life is not miserable.’
‘Of course it is! She has two children who both love her and have always forgiven her, and still she can only find succour from the adulation of strangers. If that’s not a miserable life then what is it?’
‘A selfish one.’
‘That too, yes! And the path you’re heading right now is going to be just as selfish and lonely and miserable as hers is.’
Gabriel couldn’t stop thinking of Mariella’s loss of temper. The quarter bottle of bourbon he’d drunk since she’d stormed out of his villa had done nothing to numb his brain.
As much as he wished to plead ignorance and deny any of what she’d said, he knew it was her perception that he was throwing happiness away that had made her see red. Mariella’s life revolved around finding her personal Holy Grail. Happiness.
His sister’s imagination was as overactive as his wife’s.
His estranged wife.
His guts clenched painfully. He had another swig of bourbon.
He’d felt no need to argue back with his sister. He’d felt a little like a spectator watching a usually passive animal in a zoo suddenly start behaving irrationally. Not like it had been with Alessia.
He closed his eyes as their ferocious argument replayed itself. His blood pumped harder to remember how that had felt.
After decades spent containing and controlling his emotions, he’d finally met his match. He couldn’t hide himself from Alessia. God knew he’d tried. God knew it was impossible.
Alessia brought the full spectrum of human emotion out in him...
He straightened sharply, jerking his crystal glass so bourbon spilled over his lap. As the liquid soaked into his trousers, his mind cleared.
His sister’s perception that he was throwing away happiness had been no view. It had been a fact.
And Alessia’s view that he’d sabotaged their marriage had been a fact too. Her reasoning, though, was only partly right.
He’d sabotaged it because Alessia made him feel too damn much, and she had from the moment she’d stepped out of the shadows and into the moonlight on the balcony. She’d broken down every inch of barrier he’d installed to protect himself with, and slipped under his skin.
He had no reason to put those barriers back up. He didn’t need to protect himself any more. Not from Alessia. She would never use him as a prop or put her needs ahead of his. He doubted she’d ever put her needs above anyone else’s in her entire life. She didn’twanthim as a prop. She only wanted him for himself.
He’d been too scared to let go and give her what she needed from him: the whole of himself. She’d offered him the whole of herself, and instead of getting down on his knees and worshipping the goddess in her entirety as she deserved, he’d selfishly demanded she throw the biggest part of herself away.
Ice licked his skin as the magnitude of what he’d done crawled through him like an approaching tsunami coming to drown him.
He’d pushed away the best thing that had ever happened to him.