But Gabriel was not a man to spill his guts. He’d told her everything about his childhood but had relayed it matter-of-factly. He freely admitted it had made him the man he was but he never spoke about how it had made him feel or how it still made him feel.
She couldn’t force it. He would tell her if and when he was ready. But she’d gone to her parents’ quarters feeling knotted in her stomach for her husband, and her mother’s welcoming embrace had been delivered in such a detached manner that the knots had tightened so she could hardly breathe, and suddenly she could hold it back no longer.
A jumble of words came rushing out. ‘Do you know, my mother has never been angry with Marcelo before, not like she’s being with me, and he’s the one who started this whole mess. He dangled out of a helicopter to rescue Clara from Dominic’s palace, and he was understood and forgiven even before he put things right by marrying her. I made one mistake...okay, two...and I’ve paid the price for it. I’ve done everything I can to make amends and even Amadeo’s forgiven me, but I can still feel her anger. Marcelo has got away with murder—not literally—over the years, whereas I’ve always been the good one. I’ve always been dutiful, always known my place in the family and in the pecking order, never given a hint of trouble, but there’s no forgiveness from her for me. She can hardly bring herself to look at me.’
Gabriel listened to her unloading in silence. When she’d got it all out, he sat next to her and took her hand. ‘Do you want to know what I think?’
A tear fell down her cheek. She wiped it away and nodded.
‘Your mother—all your family—have spent years learning how to temper themselves when Marcelo falls out of line, but you’ve never stepped out of line before. You’ve never disappointed them. You’ve always done your best to live up to your birthright. You’ve followed in your mother’s footsteps and put duty first, above your own wants and feelings.’
‘Not as much as Amadeo has.’
‘We’re not talking about Amadeo, we’re talking about you. I don’t know if you’re fully aware of the impact you have on people—you, more than anyone else in your family, have carried your monarchy into the twenty-first century. You’ve navigated being a princess with being a modern woman in the age of social media and all without putting a foot wrong and never with a word of complaint, even when you’re abused by trolls. Your mother is the queen, Amadeo the heir to the throne, but it is you who captures the public’s imagination, and you who the public sees as a princess to her core. I think your family, especially your mother, see you like that too, and so when your human side was revealed so publicly, they did what they always do when the monarchy comes under threat and went straight into damage limitation mode.’
‘I don’t think my mother likes my human side,’ she admitted with a whisper.
‘Only because you’ve never shown it to her before. When we’re living in the stables and you have breathing space to remove the princess mask you’ve always forced yourself to wear, your mother will learn that Alessia the woman is worth a hundred of Alessia the princess. For now, though, your mother doesn’t know how to react to you about it on a personal level because...’
A strand of thought jumped at him, cutting Gabriel’s words off from his tongue.
He tried to blink the thought away but then the conversation that had been nagging at him interplayed with the stray thought, and his heart began to race.
‘Because?’ she prompted.
Certain he must be making two plus two into five, he stared at Alessia closely.
Her eyebrows drew together. ‘What’s wrong?’
‘You’ve never put a foot wrong,’ he said slowly. ‘Ever. You’ve never been linked to another man... You told me yourself that the only time you’ve ever put your own desires first was the night we conceived our child.’ His stomach roiling, he hardened his stare. ‘Alessia... Was I your first?’
It was the deep crimson that flooded her neck and face that answered Gabriel’s question and sent blood pounding to his head.
Letting go of her hand, he rose unsteadily to his feet. ‘Why didn’t you tell me?’
Her shoulders rose before she gave a deep sigh and shook her head ruefully. ‘I’m sorry. I should have told you, I know that, but at the time I was so wrapped up in the moment and all the things you were making me feel...’
Alessia shook her head again from the sheer relief that it was finally out in the open. She hadn’t realised how heavily it had weighed on her conscience until now it had lifted.
Whatever had she been afraid of? Gabriel was her husband. He might not love her but he was committed to her. The truth should never be something to be feared. ‘I knew if I told you I was a virgin, you would stop.’
One eyebrow rose, his stare searching. ‘You’re saying youknewI would stop?’
‘Not consciously at the time. In the moment... I wasn’t thinking. I remember I didn’twantto think.’ She closed her eyes as memories of their first night together flooded her. For the first time in a long time, there was no bitterness at the aftermath. At some point, she didn’t know when, she’d forgiven him for that. ‘You touched me and I exploded. It was the first time in my whole life that I ever threw off the shackles of Princess Alessia and became just Alessia.’
There was a long pause of silence.
‘Then it’s a real shame you won’t throw the princess shackles off for me now, isn’t it?’
It was the underlying bite beneath the smooth veneer of his voice that made her gaze fly back to him. ‘What do you mean by that?’
Jaw clenched, he stared at her for an age before giving a curt shake of his head. ‘It doesn’t matter.’
‘You wouldn’t have said it if it didn’t.’
‘It’s nothing. Excuse me but I have an early start. I’m going to bed.’
And then, to her bewilderment, he walked straight out of the room. Moments later his footsteps treaded up the stairs.