‘Are you not going to say anything?’ she asked in an attempt to mimic the curt tone he’d used on her earlier, but the upset in her voice was just too strong for it to be successful.
Nausea churned heavily in Gabriel’s guts. He’d apologised for not returning her call but the fact of him leaving her sleeping while he slipped out of the room had been left unsaid. He should have known this conversation would one day come.
Arousal still coursed like fire through his loins and veins, and he closed his eyes again and concentrated on tempering it. Then he locked his stare back on her. ‘I left without saying goodbye because when I woke next to you, I felt like the biggest jerk in the world.’
Her chin wobbled but she didn’t look away. ‘Why?’
‘Because your family were generous enough to give me a bed for the night when my plane was grounded and I repaid that generosity by sleeping with their daughter.’
‘I’m a twenty-three-year-old woman.’
‘But you’re not an ordinary woman. You’re a princess.’
‘I’m also a woman. A woman with feelings, not some mythical creature that can’t be hurt.’
‘I behaved terribly. I know that. When I woke up... Alessia, I was sickened with myself, not just because of who you are and the abuse of your parents’ hospitality but because I never mix business with pleasure. Never.’
Her eyes continued to search his until her neck straightened and something that almost resembled a smile played on her lips. ‘You mean I was your first? Mixing of business with pleasure, I mean?’
‘Yes.’
Her gaze searched his for a moment more before the smile widened a touch. ‘Should I be flattered?’
‘If you like.’
‘I do like.’ Then the smile faded and she stilled again. ‘I can understand why you felt bad about yourself for what happened. But, Gabriel, that doesn’t excuse or explain your behaviour towards me.’
‘It’s the truth of it all.’
‘Maybe, but it doesn’t excuse it. It doesn’t. I had the best night of my life with you and then I woke up and you were gone. Do you know how that made me feel?’
He took a long inhale.
‘Dirty. I’ve never...’ She swallowed, and drew her knees to her chest and wrapped her arms around them. ‘I’ve never had a one-night stand before. Don’t misunderstand me, I didn’t fall into your arms expecting any of this—’ she waved a hand absently ‘—to happen, but finding you gone... It hurt. To feel unworthy of even a minute of your time after what we’d shared.’
‘I’m sorry,’ he said, speaking through a throat that felt like it had razors in it. ‘It was never my intention to make you feel like that.’
‘Then what was your intention?’
‘To get out of Ceres. It felt like I’d woken from a spell and all I could do was kick myself for losing my head the way I did.’
An astuteness came into her stare. ‘You don’t like losing control of yourself, do you?’
‘No,’ he agreed.
‘Why is that?’
‘It’s just the way I am.’
She gave a grimacing smile and rubbed her chin against her knees. ‘I think we can both agree that what we shared was...madness. A child was created through it and here we are. But I’m sorry, Gabriel, I can’t forget how I felt when I realised you’d gone. I kept hoping you sneaked out because you were worried about making love with a princess and my family’s reaction if they found out—I guess I was partially right there—so I decided to be a modern woman and call you. I hoped you’d see my message and realise I was just a woman like any other and that there was nothing to stop us seeing each other again, but you blanked me there too, and I can’t forget that. I can’t forget how cheap you made me feel. I want to put it behind me—I’ve married you so we’re stuck together now—but I’ve got nothing to replace those feelings with because you’re still a stranger to me, and until you start opening up about who you really are, you’ll continue to be a stranger.’
Alessia’s heart was beating hard. Her body was still furious with her for severing the passionate connection with Gabriel and, though she knew she’d done the right thing in not letting things go any further, the ache deep inside was a taunt that she was being a prideful fool.
She didn’t think she’d ever been so honest about her feelings before. ‘Never complain and never explain’ was a creed many royal families lived by and it was a creed she’d taken to heart at a very young age. The only person she’d ever felt able to open up to was her brother Marcelo, and even then she’d often held back because he’d suffered for being who he was born to be far more than she ever had. Alessia had never yearned to be someone else like him.
In many ways, laying her cards on the table was liberating, and she experienced a little jolt to realise that there was something in Gabriel that put her at ease enough to say what was on her mind and in her heart without sanitising or editing. There was another jolt to realise that when she was with him, she didn’t have tobea princess. And it wasn’t just about him bringing out the woman beneath the princess mask—for Gabriel, the mask dropped itself of its own accord.
And then she remembered, again, keeping her virginity from him and another spasm of guilt cut through her.