A burst before the warmth spread and the wax melted.
I held tight to his shoulders as Van found his own release, relishing the way our bodies fit together. When he lifted his face and our eyes met, I saw the golden flecks reflecting in the firelight.
“You’re insatiable,” he said before his lips landed on mine. “Maybe I’m too old after all.”
I palmed his cheeks. “You’re perfect.”
“That’s you.”
Momentarily, I mourned the fullness as Van and I disconnected.
Sitting up, I pulled the blanket from the floor to cover myself and asked, “What were you like when you were my age?”
Van took a deep breath and after pulling on his boxers, sat with my feet in his lap. “Driven. Ruthless. Reckless. Obsessed.”
“Obsessed with Madison?” I wasn’t sure what prompted the question.
“Not completely.”
“No?”
“Later it was different. At twenty-four my main goal was success.”
“Did you know her yet?”
His Adam’s apple bobbed. “I did. We met at a coffee shop in the middle of the night. Two insomniacs not looking for anyone.”
“Do you think you and she would have ended differently if you were already successful?”
His jaw clenched, a nonverbal clue that I was about out of questions. Nevertheless, I waited.
“I’m not sure she would have turned to Phillip, but I don’t think in the long run we would have made it.”
“May I ask why?”
His neck straightened as his green gaze went to the fire’s flames. “Ambition.”
“You had too much? She had too much?”
“Madison was a content person. She didn’t understand my need for more, bigger, and better. She was complacent with mediocrity.” Before I could respond, Van turned to me. “You aren’t her, Julia. Don’t ever think you are. I lived a life before you, before I found the perfect woman along the side of the road. I can’t take that back or make it disappear.”
“I’d never ask you to.”
“Do you know where I would have found Madison if she were you?”
Pulling the blanket higher over my shoulders, I shook my head.
“In the car, probably frozen to death.”
It wasn’t the response I imagined. “Why?”
“Because she wouldn’t have done what you did. She wouldn’t have risked walking in a blizzard. She wouldn’t have spoken to Wade’s executive board or refused her mother like you have.” He shrugged. “I don’t know about her mother. Her parents died when she was young.”
That bit of information filled me with a new sadness for the woman I didn’t know. “That must have been hard.”
“Her sister took care of her…until she couldn’t.”
“Until Phillip?” I asked.