I go into the bathroom quietly and shut the door. I text Sandra back.
Derek won't tellme anything. I didn't even know he attacked Tony until I got your text. WTF happened?
I start pacingback and forth across the marble floor. It's a few minutes before I get her response.
Tony& I were together at his place. Work called asked me to come in to help fix a mistake. T wanted to go see D’s mom. Dropped him off on my way. 2hours later Tony messaged about D’s mom. I pull up and hear shouting, go in. D was beating the shit out of Tony.
Another text comesthrough as I'm reading the first one again.
Tried to pull them apart.D said he'd never forgive T. T said it was about D’s mom. He won't tell me anything.
All I can keep thinking isWhat. The. Fuck? I sit down on the edge of the tub, gripping the cold porcelain edge.
I put my phone back in my wristlet, turn off the bathroom light, and open the door to the bedroom. Derek doesn't move when I walk into the room and set my wristlet on his dresser causing the metal chain to clink.
“I found out about your mom from Sandra,” I say as I crawl into bed. “I found out about the fight from her too,” my words are soft as I cuddle up to him. His stiff and unmoving, ready to push me away I’m sure. Refusing to open up. “I want to be here for you, but I need to know what’s going on so I can give you what you need.” I stare at his eyes, willing him to look at me, but he’s focused on the ceiling, as if all the answers are written up there.
I rest my head on his forearm, his body’s warm and inviting. He slowly wraps his arm around me, maybe realizing I don’t want to fight. I’m just telling him the truth.
“Right now I just need you to lay with me. Just don’t leave me.” My throat feels like it’s closing listening to the raw vulnerability in his cracked voice. I nod my head and kiss his shoulder before nestling down next to him.
I think sometimes you have to push people; sometimes you have to make them open up to you.
And other times you need to trust them. You just need to hold them.
Maybe I’ve been doing it all wrong all these years not pushing him, but in this moment, he just needs me to hold him. He needssomeone.
I slip my shoes off and climb into bed next to him. I turn off the second table lamp and roll toward Derek. Kissing his shoulder, I wrap my arm around him.
Right now he just needs to feel loved. I can give him that, because I really do love him. Even if he is a broken mess.
I scoot a little closer to him, my eyes adjust to the dim light of the night and I can see the dark bruise on his jaw. “Does it hurt?” I ask him softly.
He immediately nods his head, his forehead pinched and his breathing paused. “It hurts so much.” His words are choked as he moves his hand over his face.
My heart splits into a thousand pieces as he breaks down in front of me.
“I’m here,” I tell him with as much comfort as I can put in my voice. I try to hold him, but he doesn’t move. I don’t know what to do.
As if reading my mind, Derek says, “I’ll be whatever you want. I’ll give you whatever you want. I’ll tell you everything. Please, just don’t leave me.” He finally opens his eyes, their filled with sadness and vulnerability, pleading with me.
“I promise I won’t. I promise you.”
How can I? When you love someone, they never leave you.
CHAPTER18
Derek
It just started snowing. The sky is so thick with it that it’s a greyish white. I hear someone cough from across the plot. My eyes travel to them for a moment, before focusing back down at the ground. The dirt looks loose, like it's just been placed.
My breath turns to fog in front of my face, and I know my nose and cheeks are a bright red from the cold. But I don’t wanna leave yet. All I’ve been doing is looking at the flowers I've placed atop her grave over and over again. But leaving here… it feels like I’m leaving Ma.
I can’t do it.
I need a break from this town. I severed every tie I have to it, except for the restaurants. I’m done with everything else. I gave the pot business to Tony. Left the all that shit on my desk for him and I know he got them. He made that clear in the emails he sent. I don’t want a damn thing to do with it anymore. He can have it.
He’s been texting me, calling me. He even showed up at the house a few times.