Chapter Eleven
Kira
“He’s big,Kira. Everywhere. And the things that man can do with his tongue. I thought I was going to die.”
“I’m happy for you. I am.” Melody sat across from me in our usual spot in the Academy cafeteria. The room was mostly empty, the crew cleaning up at the tail end of the breakfast service. I needed to be someplace public so I wouldn’t start to cry again. I knew Melody would be here before her morning classes and practical assessments, and I’d been right. We weren’t alone, but there wasn’t anyone sitting near us to overhear her oversharing.
She leaned over the table to get closer to me, the front of her uniform in jeopardy of getting in her plate of breakfast. The food was mostly gone, but she’d have to return to her quarters and change if her uniform were stained. Yes, this was what I was considering as I listened to my friend talk about Denzel as if he were a piece of man candy.
To her, he was.
I was happy for her. Thrilled. I knew how it felt to find The One. I recognized her excitement, her sheer joy. I’d felt it in myself. But she wasn’t facing the blinding heartache, the pain of walking away from The One. No, she could have Denzel if she wanted. As a cadet, and one from Earth, she was a volunteer and could quit at any time. She hadn’t signed her life away. Being a standard fighter was not the same as committing to the Intelligence Core. Once she was mated, she’d be free. And choosing a mate from The Colony would allow her to remain in space. If she desired, she didn’t have to go back to Earth, instead joining Denzel on The Colony. Since mates were few and far between, they wanted all the females they could get. Women warriors were a small percentage of the fighting force to begin with, as the Prillons, Atlans and several other races didn’t allow their women to join the fight. When a female from one of the other races wanted to walk away, they practically shoved her out of the Fleet with bells and ribbons.
They valued their mates above all. Family. Life. They were all out here protecting life and didn’t understand why any race would allow their women to fight. Which just made most of us more determined to prove our worth. To be brilliant and merciless.
Walking away had become a mark of weakness in my mind, not strength. And it had cost me everything. Cost me Angh.
I pushed down the pain, shoved it in a box and sat on the mental lid as I listened to her. I couldn’t smile; it was impossible. But I could be happy for her, listen to her prattle on about how fabulous Denzel was. I didn’t blame her this. She was cute about it, and it was sweet to see her so in love. So happy.
“I was going to quit.” Those words cut through my thoughts. “Leave with Denzel on the transport later today.”
“What?” I’d heard her, at least that she was quitting. I’d blurred out the mention of his skill in bed and anything else since she mentioned his size. I had no doubt he was more than adequate in that department, but he was no beast. “No. Mel. You can’t quit.”
She gave a shrug that was so casual, completely at odds with her intentions. Quitting the Academy was a big deal. A few were kicked out. A few found their mate, like the Everians, and had to leave. But it was rare for someone to outright quit and walk away. Especially as far along in training as Melody was.
“I was. But I have two weeks to go until graduation and while I love Denzel and want to be with him, I’m not going to give up finishing for him.”
Good. She wasn’t stupid. On Earth, I’d heard of so many women giving up their lives, their goals and dreams for a man. Then, when the guy dumped her, she was left with nothing. I refused to let Melody give up the status of an officer trained in the Coalition Academy when she’d come so far, sacrificed blood, sweat and tears. Graduation was so close.
“I need to know that I did it. While I might live on The Colony as Denzel’s mate, I need to be valuable. Being an officer will ensure I can be included. Useful.” She grinned slyly. “Useful for more than jumping Denzel every chance I get.”
I exhaled, smiled at her. Relieved. “God, I thought for a second there I was going to have to take you out to the firing range and put you as a target.” It was my turn to lean in. “Never be beholden to a man. Give yourself a way out. I want things to work out for you with Denzel. You have no idea how much.” I put my hand on her wrist, reminding me that I hadn’t put on Angh’s cuffs. Shit. I swallowed, continued. “But if for some reason it doesn’t, then you can get an assignment that gets you off The Colony. Or, you can take assignments and be his mate.”
She laughed at that. “You think he’ll let me go fight the Hive?”
I shrugged. “If he wants to be your mate, he has to let you live your dreams.”
Her smile slipped and she studied me. “Shouldn’t I be saying the exact same thing to you? What about you? Will Angh let you live your dreams?”
My dreams. My dreams. It was completely and totally opposite of everything I’d just said to Melody. I wanted to quit and live a quiet life on The Colony with Angh. He’d been through so much, so much more than any one male could take. He deserved peace. A mate. Children. Happiness. And I wanted to be a part of that.
I was so tired of fighting, of my life in the I.C., being an instructor. I’d given so much I wanted…well, what I wanted. And that was Angh.
I wanted Angh.
I thought of Melody and if she quit the Academy. There was always another cadet ready to take her spot. She was replaceable. I was replaceable. If I left the I.C.—even by breaking the law—someone else would take my spot. People might die, but not because I personally quit. People would die because of the Hive. Dr. Helion probably had more fighters with the implants in their brain. I wasn’t the only one. I wasn’t crucial. But I was crucial to Angh and he was crucial to me.
“Don’t laugh,” I said.
She cocked her head to the side, studied me. “All right.” She knew I was serious, that whatever I was going to say was important. I never shared my feelings. Hell, it had taken tons of prodding to get me to have that one-night-stand with Angh after the fighting pits. And look where that got me.
“And don’t tell me to take my words and shove it.”
She nodded once.
“I’m quitting. Walking away.” I looked at the comm unit on my wrist and realized I’d made the decision before meeting her for breakfast. I was never late for an op. Never. “I was supposed to be at the transport center ten minutes ago.”
Melody’s eyes widened, but she said nothing.