I wanted that. I wanted that with Angh. My Atlan. My beast. The idea of him holding any other woman that way made my body scream in denial. Made me want to go all beast mode myself.
But if he got transferred to the I.C., they would send him all over the galaxy. The Hive deployments of this new weapon were increasing steadily, more and more battlegroups struggling to hold the front lines in this crazy war.
I wanted him. He wanted me. I knew that. The mating cuffs he’d placed on my chest had been a pretty damn clear invitation. But neither one of us was free to fall in love. He was, but he needed his mate to live on The Colony with him and I couldn’t do that. I couldn’t fall in love with a Colony warlord. The Vice Admiral was fairly…flexible, but I doubted that flexible.
We were fighting a bigger battle than the one with our hearts. I had foolishly believed that the Coalition needed me. They did. But the truth was that the Coalition needed both of us. They needed Angh, but had somehow overlooked him and his abilities. Left him to live out a bland, less-useful existence on The Colony. Billions of lives depended on those like us to listen to the Hive and help find a way to win this war. And if that meant we couldn’t be together, so be it. I’d walked away from him because of my job with the I.C. The depressing truth was that I’d never had him to begin with.
We both had a job to do. If he’d still have me, we’d just have to steal our pleasure where we could. Find moments to be together and kiss one another goodbye. Every single mission was dangerous. There was no guarantee either one of us would come back alive. Yet I longed for him, for whatever touches, kisses and hugs I could get.
“Mommy!” The high-pitched squeal was so out of place on the huge battleship that I jumped. A toddler with her mother’s green eyes and dark black hair was running full speed at Chloe, her arms wide open and joy on her little face. She looked like she wasn’t yet two, her chubby cheeks more baby than young girl, and her adorable little legs pumping as fast as they could, which wasn’t fast at all. And quite clumsy. I worried she would trip and fall before she got close.
Chloe’s entire demeanor changed at the voice, the fierce warrior replaced by a doting mother in an instant. She picked up the little girl and hugged her tightly, covering her daughter’s soft cheeks with dozens of kisses as the girl chanted, “Mommy, Mommy, Mommy.”
All work in the shuttle bay stopped as war-hardened warriors turned to watch the spectacle. Dorian snuggled in close and picked up the girl’s tiny hand to place kisses on her palm. “What about your papa, Dara? I need kisses, too.”
The little one laughed and held out her arms to Dorian, who pulled her from her mother’s embrace and smothered his daughter with kisses and tickles until she was squealing once again. Chloe’s smile was indulgent, her stance relaxed as Captain Seth Mills, her human mate, walked forward and pulled her into his arms for a scorching hot kiss.
Whoa. Dominant, alpha male testosterone made my whole body go on simmer as I watched her melt into his arms.
She might be the ranking officer of the trio, but it was more than clear that she happily submitted to her mates in the bedroom. And the golden collars around all three of their necks? It wasn’t exactly a wedding ring, but it was a blatant and obvious claiming. These three were mates, a family. They were never alone. Never lonely. Never lost.
Chloe pulled away, her breathing noticeably faster than it had been before the kiss. “Where’s the baby?”
Seth smiled down at her. “Don’t worry, tiger-mama. He’s taking a nap in the nursery. But this one—” He nodded his chin in their daughter’s direction. “—was with Commander Karter, monitoring the mission comms. When she heard that your shuttle was back, she was done being patient.”
“I told you I don’t want her in there,” Chloe chided. “She understands what they are saying, Seth.”
“I love Mander, Mommy.”
Chloe was glowing, her love for that little girl lighting up her face. “I know you do, baby. Commander Karter loves you too, but that’s a place for grow-ups. Not little girls.”
She pouted and tapped her ears. “I hear you. I like to hear you.”
Chloe sighed and shook her head, staring up at Dorian for help. “You approve of this? She’s not even two yet.”
“This is war, love,” he replied gently. “She’s safe and protected with the Commander. With everyone on the ship. If it gets too intense, he’ll protect her. But we can’t lie to her either. This is our life, the life we chose. We can’t change things now.”
“I know. I just wish we could end this damn war!” She was fuming again and I felt like I was riding the emotional rollercoaster with her just watching. Listening to them.
“No bad words, Mommy. You get spanking now.” Dara was practically squirming with delight at the idea.
“Yes, she does.” Seth’s voice was full of heat, and my pussy clenched with need as I saw Chloe meet his gaze and lick her lips in challenge.
God help me, things were going to be hot as hell in their quarters after the kids’ bedtime.
That made me want Angh even more. God, did I miss that damn Atlan.
Seth broke eye contact and looked at his daughter again. “When Dara heard you were here, she squirmed off Karter’s lap and starting running.” His smile was all proud papa. “Didn’t you, baby?”
“Dada can’t catch me.” Dara said, making Dorian laugh.
“That’s because your dada is slow, but your papa is fast,” Dorian added.
“Chase me!” She wriggled in her father’s hold. That fast, her greetings were over and she wanted to play. Dorian chuckled but set his daughter on her feet and granted her wish, chasing her—but never catching her—as she ran and played and squealed through the shuttle bay. Half a dozen grinning warriors watched out for her, moving boxes with sharp corners and anything she might trip over before she even got close. She was obviously well loved and very well protected by everyone on the ship. A pang of envy worked its way through my chest until it ached.
I’d given up on the idea of a family, of a real home, when I joined the I.C. But here was Chloe Phan, an active duty commander who’d been sent back to Earth in shame just a few years ago, volunteered to be an Interstellar Bride so she could return to space and now living a life I could only dream about.
How the hell had she pulled that off? Was this kind of match solely for those matched through the Brides Program?
“Shall we, Captain?” The feminine voice came from behind me. I’d all but forgotten that Vice Admiral Niobe was standing there, most likely not missing how I was practically ogling the mated trio and their daughter. “You have a battle sim to run in just a few hours. If we head to transport now, we can still make it back to Zioria so you aren’t late.”
I blinked, got my feet moving. “Yes. Of course.” The Vice Admiral was not a fan of tardiness or excuses.
I was not going to stand here and moon over Chloe and her perfect family. Two hot warrior mates, still making a difference in the war, a beautiful daughter and a baby boy I’d yet to meet sleeping peacefully in a nursery somewhere on the ship.
They were the reason we had to take down the Hive space-mines. Them, and a thousand families like them on the battlegroups, and millions—billions—of families on the Coalition worlds.
As I followed the Vice Admiral back to transport, I swallowed over a lump of cold, hard facts. The Coalition needed Angh a lot more than I did. Families like Chloe’s would be saved by his efforts. Efforts that had nothing to do with me. My heart was screaming for all or nothing, and it sure hurt like a bitch to realize I might get him here and there for a quickie, but that wouldn’t be enough.
I truly would have to let him go.