Rachel reached out to put her hand on my leg, but Maxim’s angry snarl caused her to remove it immediately. Before the Hive had stolen the soul right out of me, I would have appreciated the gesture, even been amused by Maxim’s protective instincts. Now, I felt nothing. Without the beast within, I felt empty. Hollow.
The doctor pushed some buttons, made adjustments to his controls along the far wall. I didn’t know what the fuck he was doing. I wasn’t a doctor. I was a Warlord. I hunted the Hive. I killed them. I protected. I raged. That’s what I did. That’s what I knew. So when he rejoined Rachel with a slight sheen of sweat covering his brow, I knew whatever he was about to tell me wasn’t going to be good. In fact, if I hadn’t known better, I would have believed the doctor was afraid of what my reaction might be.
The doctor nodded at Ryston this time, and before I knew it, Ryston attached something to my head. Something I did not want.
I looked the doctor in the eye. He held my gaze, refusing to look away, refusing to back down. “The Interstellar Brides Program testing. It’s the only thing we haven’t tried, Rezz.”
Rachel moved forward but stepped back again after a quick glance at Maxim. The look she flashed him her only apology for forgetting that he didn’t want her touching me. I didn’t blame him. I was broken. No female should want to touch me. Which was why this was a ludicrous idea. Rachel cleared her throat and crossed her arms. Trying to look stubborn. “Your beast is strong, Rezz. All you need to do is wake him up. Revive him. He’ll come back to life if your mate arrives. He’ll come. He’ll come for her. He’ll break through whatever the Hive did to you.”
She seemed to believe her words, but she had no proof. No reason to say it except to make me feel better. Such faith was painful. Shame rushed through me, but at least I felt something. I closed my eyes to hide my reaction from her.
She wanted me to have a mate.
No. I was no longer worthy.
I could not go beast. I could not claim a female properly like a true Atlan. “Summoning a female for me is not acceptable. You can put me through the testing since you’ve got me strapped down.” I glanced up at Ryston and Maxim with a harsh glare. “But I will refuse the match.”
“You refuse to accept your mate?” the doctor asked.
I gritted my teeth and opened my eyes so he could see the rage building, the rage I could not express, the rage of an Atlan who had been stripped of everything he was. “I refuse the match. Look at me. I am not worthy of a female. I cannot protect her. I cannot claim her. This is wrong.”
“You would rather die?” he asked. “Because right now, execution is your only other option. Unless you want me to ship you off to the Intelligence Corps and let their scientists run experiments on you. You can’t return to Atlan. You can’t return to battle. And we can’t allow you to remain—”
“Like this,” I finished, my soul withering, turning black as, with each word, my feeling of helplessness grew. “Do you think I do not know what my options are?” I asked. “I am not fit to be a mate. I am not fit to serve the Fleet. I should be put down. Send me to the containment cells on Atlan and let it be done.”
“No!” Rachel protested. She lay her palm flat just above my knee and ignored Maxim when he growled. “You can’t give up. Worse, you can’t let them beat you. They had you and you escaped. Survived. Just try. Try it. Get tested. Accept the testing results. Meet her. Talk to her. If you can’t claim her, if you don’t want her, she’ll be matched to another. Someone else on the Colony. There’s nothing to lose and everything to gain, Rezz. Please.”
The numbness in me spread, but I saw logic in her argument. I was worthless as a warrior. Worthless as a mate. But I could do one good deed. I could bring a bride to the Colony so that another worthy male could find happiness.
I looked at the doctor. “Do it then. Now. Before I change my mind.”
Rachel leaped back and practically raced to the control panel. The wires and gadgets on my head began to emit a strange humming energy. It was hypnotic, and I did not fight the trancelike state as I succumbed to the pull of what seemed like a dream.
It could have been a few minutes or a few hours. I had no way of knowing, and I did not remember what occurred. But when my eyes flickered open, all four stood looking down at me, and even Maxim had a smile on his face.
It was Rachel who could not contain her excitement. She was laughing and rocking back and forth, her big belly, which was swollen with her child from Ryston and Maxim, almost bumping the testing chair. “We found her, Rezz! You’ve been matched. And she’s human. She’s on her way now.”
“Human?” I asked.
“Yes! From Earth. Like the rest of us. I can’t wait to meet her.”
The rest of us were the other females from the Brides Program who’d been matched to members of the Colony. It seemed all of us had a strong desire for Earthlings.
I glanced at the Prillon warriors surrounding me—Maxim, Ryston and Doctor Surnen. All three nodded. But it did nothing to help me. I felt no excitement, only trepidation and a sick sense of dread, fear that I would see her and not react. That because of my warped condition, this contamination by Hive technology, the match would be wrong. That this human female would take one look at a broken Atlan beast and turn away, ashamed. And knowing there was one true mate out there for me and she’d rejected me…
“How soon will she arrive?” I asked, swallowing down a sudden lump of fear.
“Any minute now. She is being transported from Earth, so you probably have just enough time to go clean up and put on something less—” Rachel looked me over, head to toe, and she wasn’t smiling. “Go put on some real clothes. You look like a walking arsenal. You’ll scare the poor woman to death.”
The restraints released, and I sighed. I hated being pinned down, just like everyone else on the planet. We’d been shackled by the Hive and integrated to some extent. After escaping, the feeling was not one I wanted to repeat.
I glanced down at my body. At the standard issue Coalition uniform, the weapons that never left my side. Not anymore. Not even when I slept. Losing my beast left me weak, open to attack, and while I was not used to utilizing those tools to assist me in protecting myself, I had no choice. Not with Krael and the Hive lurking in the caves below the planet’s surface, slipping through my fingers like water. I could not afford to take chances. I wasn’t going back to them. They’d already taken enough. I glared at Rachel. “I cannot protect my mate if I do not have my weapons.”
She sighed. “You alpha males are such a pain.”
A few weeks ago, her sass would have made me laugh. The other human female I knew, Kristin, often said things of a similar nature to her mates. To which Hunt and Tyran would laugh and drag her to their quarters for private instruction in just how dominant an alpha male could be. And they’d proved that quickly enough since she was heavy with child now, and everyone on the Colony waited expectantly to receive our first new life. Rachel, standing before me with her hand resting on her own, smaller belly, would bring the second baby to our planet not long after.
I prayed that Kristin’s baby was a girl, that she would be soft and small and beautiful, and remind all of us what we had sacrificed for. Remind us that, even though we had lost everything and been betrayed by our people, there were innocents whom we protected. Beautiful, vulnerable lives who needed us.
Maxim and Ryston stood back, and I was free at last to rise, to walk to the transporter room to meet my mate and hope her presence would be strong enough to overcome whatever evil the Hive had done to me. If not…
I walked out of the medical station and down the hallway, my four companions on my heels as we made our way to the transport room to await this unknown female from Earth. I did not ask for any details from the doctor. Her name. Her age. I did not want to know anything about her. I did not care. She was an experiment. The final test. In the end, she would not be mine. The less I knew, the less I saw, the better for me. Especially, for her.
There were others on the Colony. Other Atlan Warlords who had fought longer or harder than I, who could still summon their beasts. Who could be a worthy mate to a female as fiery or beautiful as the other Brides who had arrived. The fact that my heart did not break told me more than anything just how numb I had become. I had no hope.