He interrupts me.
“Let me finish. I’m not saying you have to marry me. I’m not saying you have to marry anybody. What I’m saying is, I can’t…” He licks his lips. “I don’t want to let you go. And that’s something I’ve never said to anyone. Because everybody goes, Cris. My parents left, and they didn’t choose to. They left me alone, and I made myself sick over it. Did you know I had stomachaches every day for the first year I lived with the Owens?”
He never told me. Poor Benji. I hate picturing him as a sad kid—as a sad adult. Sad, period. His smile is my refuge.
“I have loving, kind adoptive parents who treat me like gold. Brothers who treat me…well, back then not like gold, but eventually they did when we grew up. And then when I was on TV on this show called Divide and Conquer. It was this huge math competition—”
“Divide and what?” I ask as a smile trembles on my lips.
“I know. Stupid.” He shakes his head, embarrassed. He’s so endearing, I fall in love with him a little more. “Anyway, before the show aired I thought I was going to die of a stomachache. I didn’t tell anyone, but I was scared to death I was going to lose. Not just the competition but everything that meant anything to me. I latched onto that group, onto my friends. I was terrified I was going to bomb the tournament and then they’d leave too.”
He moves his hands to my jaw and tips my head. I’m staring into his eyes. Those caramel-colored eyes. There’s definitely something in them I’ve never seen before. It looks like what’s in my heart. It looks like love.
“This last week I have been so sick,” he tells me. “Terrified. It took me way too long to realize why. What I’m terrified of losing, Cris, is you. I worry I blew my shot at having a future with you because I was too stuck in my own head to take a chance. So this is me taking it. The night in the hotel room, with the roses and donuts and the candles, I told you I was going to make sure you knew how the man in your future should treat you. But you’re not going to need that advice any longer. I am the man in your future, and in your past, and here, in the present. And I know exactly what you need.”
I swallow thickly, my mouth dry and my eyes wet.
“All you have to do is give me one more chance. You can’t pretend it’s enough for me to be your boss or your best friend or your client. I need you to be all in, Firecracker. I need you to give us your best damn shot. If I blow it, then you can try and get rid of me. But I deserve a chance to love you the way I know I can. The way I already do.”
Tears shimmer on the edges of my lashes and his face goes blurry. “You do?”
He gives me one of those melty Benji smiles—a real smile. A smile the likes of which I haven’t seen since the night he suggested we didn’t stop what we started.
“Duh. I was afraid to say it, and so my body made me say it. I’m torn up. A complete wreck. I don’t know if I’ll be able to eat or sleep or function if you tell me no tonight. But I love you enough to let you tell me no if you have to.” He lets out a laugh that sounds the slightest bit unsure. “I’m really hoping you don’t tell me no.”
“Why would I tell you no when I’ve been in love with you for weeks—years, probably.” I roll my eyes. “You’re my ultimate weakness.”
His lips cover mine, his arms wrapping around me and holding on tight. As I kiss him, I consider all the ways he’s shown me he loves me without saying it. Without either of us realizing what he was doing.
“We wasted too much time,” he whispers against my lips, his fingers diving into my curls. “I’ve been shortsighted. I’ve been selfish. I’ve been—”
I smother his words with another kiss he doesn’t waste any time deepening. I reach for his belt and he tugs at my clothes. Soon I’m no longer wearing my T-shirt. Then my pants are being pulled from my legs. He shucks his jeans next, and once we’re both down to our skivvies, he’s grinning, the happiest I’ve ever seen him.
He tips his head toward the pool. “Get in.”
“You have more tricks up your sleeve?” I ask as he carefully tapes a plastic covering over his fresh tattoo.
He hoists one amazing eyebrow. “Not in my sleeve.”
I dive into the deep end and then rise out of the water into rose petals, dodging the floating candles flickering on the water’s surface.
He dives in next. When he pops up, he pushes his hand through his hair and blinks long eyelashes at me. Water rolls down his cheeks, his smile permanent. He leads the way to the shallower part of the pool and I follow. When I reach him, he catches me and locks my legs around his waist.
“This is what I know for sure,” he tells me as I rest my arms on his shoulders. “I didn’t know what love was until I found you. My true north. My Firecracker. A future without you—every part of you—isn’t one I want to contemplate.”
“Same,” I say, my voice cracking.
“You’re going to have to do better than that.”
Through my own incurable smile, I oblige him. “I love you too.”
He places a gentle kiss on my lips again. “I say we start with the donuts, take a shower, work our way to the bedroom, and then we can talk about when you’re moving in.”
My head snaps back and I blink at him. “Isn’t that fast?”
“Is it? You’ve already raised three kids. You’re an empty nester. What are you waiting for?”
I laugh. He makes a very good point. “I can’t think of a single reason to say no. I mean, you were my first.”
“Your first,” he says, his voice a low possessive growl. “And your last.”
We make out for a while longer in the pool. Until the thick ridge of his erection is nudging my center and we’re both out of breath. We skip the donuts and shower and go straight to the bedroom. After a sweaty round of the best makeup sex ever, we circle back and check the other two items off the list at the same time.
While sitting on the bench in the stone-walled shower enjoying our crème-filled donuts, Benji talks about the way life will look once I move in. And the photos of us we’ll take and hang on the walls.
He promises to make frames for them.