He thought of last night. Of the position she’d been in. Of his presence there. Of the swamping guilt and seething anger he’d felt at not being able to chase that asshole down. At the very least, Isa deserved someone who could protect her.
“A lot of bad things happen when I’m around.”
“Are you afraid you’ll screw up?” She shrugged. “We all screw up.”
“Some screwups come with a hefty price, Sable. Screwups like letting my two men lead resulted in them losing their lives.” He tipped her chin. “Screwups like you being attacked because your attacker didn’t believe I could fight him off.” Quietly, he added, “And I didn’t.”
“No.” She shook her head, but he ignored her attempt to make him feel better. He knew what happened. He’d been there.
“It’s a fact, Isa.”
“It’s bullshit, Eli.” Her gaze sharpened and never left his face. “You came for me after I left, and that was a miracle. If you hadn’t showed at all…” She batted her lashes like she was fighting tears. “I don’t want to think about it.”
He was in awe of her strength. He’d rather take a Taser to the nuts than have this conversation. Especially when fear returned—that prickling spike of adrenaline as he recalled her ear-piercing scream for help. His stomach twisted even though she was here next to him, completely safe in his bed.
“What happened to me is not your fault.” She touched his face. “I could have been robbed, raped. He could have climbed those stairs and broken into my house while I was in the shower.”
He’d thought about that, too.
“You heard what I told the officer. That guy’s eyes were wild like he was high on something. He was twitchy. Strange. He hadn’t been lying in wait and carefully plotting. Maybe he saw you in the shadows, maybe he didn’t. It could have happened at any time.”
He hadn’t stopped to consider that. He hadn’t considered much of anything other than the fact that he’d failed her.
“But if I wouldn’t have shown up at your door, you never would have been outside.”
“If you wouldn’t have shown up at my door, Eli, I wouldn’t be here right now.”
He frowned. He was grateful she was here. He valued her safety first, but she wasn’t wrong. She was in his arms and in his bed because of last night.
“So…you’re moving in with me,” he stated, his dark humor hitting its mark when she laughed lightly.
“I have pepper spray. I’ll be on alert.”
“And have a male employee stay late to walk you up. Finish your work upstairs and never ever head up there after dark unless—”
Her fingers pressed to his lips. “I promise.”
Her words made him want to promise her things right back. But he wasn’t the man he used to be and fell short of being the man he should be. Crushed beneath that realization, he refused to make Isa a promise and not deliver. He wouldn’t fail her again.
Isa fiddled with the edge of the sheet. He admired her raspberry-tipped breasts, bared and beautiful. She was gloriously naked and not hiding from him. That was the crux of who she was—someone who didn’t hide.
Meanwhile, Eli had behaved like a hibernating bear.
“Have you ever lived with someone?” she asked suddenly.
He waited for his fight-or-flight response to kick in. When anxiety didn’t lodge his throat, he counted it as progress.
“Yes,” he answered. “You?”
“Never. Not a romantic interest, anyway. I lived at home and with a friend from college, but I’ve mostly been on my own. Josh wanted to move in together, but it felt wrong.”
“You held back.”
“I guess so. I knew we weren’t right, but I’m not sure I know what ‘right’ feels like.” She flicked Eli a glance and then looked away, and in that brief exchange, he understood exactly how she felt. He’d spent years not knowing what ‘right’ felt like and had eventually determined that relationships never felt right. They just were.
“Her name was Crystal.” Eli slid an arm beneath the pillow under his head. Isa had asked, and dammit, he was going to give her a complete answer for a change. “She and I met through a mutual friend. We dated for three or four months and then she moved in when I deployed. She said it’d make her feel closer to me if she was around my things.”
He stole a glance at Isa, who was riveted, yet also looked like she didn’t want to hear any of this. He couldn’t blame her. Here he was sharing and he didn’t want to talk about it at all. But Isa deserved the truth. If she wanted it, he’d give it to her.