“No one left us an instruction manual. We’ll figure it out together. You have to stop trying to block up how you feel, though.” Putting the thought into words hit her hard. She hadn’t been able to vocalize it before now, but this was why he’d set her on edge since he arrived. No, longer—since she got engaged to Danny. It wasn’t that he didn’t care; it was that he refused to admit it.
“I can’t. That would shred me from the inside.”
She nudged him upright, and shifted them both until she could wrap his arms around her. She leaned against his chest. “So what? I disassembled me when I left Danny. I came out the other side okay.”
“You had Nana’s help.”
“I did. And you and I have each other. Even when you go back home, we don’t have to lose that.” Saying the words made his leaving a more painful reality.
“Don’t we?”
She pulled his arms more tightly around her. “Of course not. I’m always and forever here for you.”
“I can’t forgive her for leaving this way.”
“I hated you for more than a decade, for letting me marry Danny, and that wasn’t your fault.” Bailey tried to keep her tone light, but her voice cracked. “You’re entitled to this, as long as you deal with it instead of ignoring it.”
He squeezed her, and rested his chin on her head. “Thank you.”
*
IN THE FOUR DAYS SINCEthe storm moved north, the people in town finished cleaning up debris and were well on their way to fixing up broken buildings. Bailey and Jonathan had made solid headway on going through Nana’s stuff in the same amount of time. He still felt a stabbing sadness when he looked at so many of her belongings, but he accepted the grief for what it was.
Bailey was going stir-crazy, not being able to do more. She’d stayed in the living room the first couple of days, making her lists. That shifted to the occasional shout upstairs, asking what else she could do to help. Today she was wandering into Nana’s bedroom every half hour or so, trying to move lighter things around. By the time lunch rolled around, he gave up trying to shoo her out.
Now they sat on Bailey’s couch, her feet in his lap,Spice Girlsplaying on the TV. She told him it was his movie, so he needed to give it some love. The excuse that he was a misguided youth when he bought it didn’t earn him a reprieve.
She stretched, and then settled in again. This was his favorite position. Intimate, but without expectation. Friendly with none of thatwith benefitsstuff. The way things should be.
“I’m going to miss having you as my personal slave,” she said.
“I’m pretty sure that’s not my title.” It took him a few days to get back to being comfortable with the teasing. On some levels, it still felt wrong to enjoy life with Nana gone.
Bailey laughed. “We both know you’re my bitch, as long as this”—she held up her broken arm—“has you believing I’m some sort of china doll.”
“Okay, so that’s true.” Diving into concern for her was easier than letting the raw grief consume him. Not that he could stop the mourning all the time. When it hit, it was unrelenting. He saw it in Bailey, too. The way she paused in the middle of something, and took a few minutes to steady herself, before dragging the back of her hand across her cheeks and carrying on.
Lucifer seemed to be the only one of them dealing well with things. Once they moved her to Bailey’s house, she slept at the foot of Jonathan’s bed, woke up with him, and never failed to remind them if they let her food- or water- bowl drop below half full.
Speaking of food... “What do you want for dinner?” he asked.
“Whatever you’re cooking. The only thing I won’t miss about you leaving is you feed me too well.”
“Hang on. Processing what the hell that means.” His laugh died in his throat, as her words sank in. His time here was running out, but they hadn’t talked much about it. They’d exchanged contact information and then moved on to happier things.
Her smile turned sad. “I’m going to miss you, but not the fact you always make too much delicious food.”
“I’ll miss you too.” He squeezed her foot. He wanted to say more, but couldn’t make sense of the words spinning in his head, begging for release. “Spicy peanut chicken, then.”
* * * *
TWO DAYS LATER, JONATHANloaded up his rental car. Most of the items he decided to keep were shipped home.
“Do you have everything?” Bailey asked.
He spun to face her. She leaned against the hood of the car, holding herself steady with her good arm.
“I think so.” He gave his luggage one last glance, despite knowing it was all there. “I hate leaving you disabled.”