The sun was sinking behind the mountains outside. Had she really slept through the day? Before her head had hit the pillow, she’d thought she might never be able to sleep again.
She climbed from her bed and shuffled into the shower, dropping clothes as she went. The spray of icy water hit her face, waking her up. She closed her eyes and leaned into the stream, letting it wash away too many layers of everything as it warmed up.
The longer she thought about it, and after the time she’d spent with Archer over the last few days, she knew she couldn’t be angry with Zane. It hurt too much to hold the grudge, and even worse, to not have him in her life. What he did was so very wrong. Not while he was deployed—though she still struggled with those decisions, and it would take time for both of them to deal with. But what he’d said about her not knowing herself, and his going behind her back... She needed to believe he meant it when he said he would never do it again. At the same time, it lit a fire under her butt and forced her to admit things she might not have otherwise.
She scrubbed off everything she could, until her skin was pink and raw, and then shut off the water and dried herself. She didn’t drag her feet quite so much on the carpet. The more she woke up, the more glimpses of the night before—or had it been early morning?—drifted back to her. The things she’d decided, the resolutions she’d made, the promises that had stuck in her head and evaporated in exhaustion and surprise when she talked to Zane.
She grabbed some of the most comfortable clothes she could find, including a T-shirt she’d stolen from Zane in high school and never given back, got dressed, and then sat down to work.
She didn’t know if she had the courage to do what she was about to, but if she didn’t, it would ache inside forever. Knowing she had to take this next step was the big reason she wasn’t still mad at Zane. Sure, he’d gone behind her back, and he’d lied to her. That would have to change, but he’d never done it before, so she believed him when he said he was sorry.
Besides, it had given her the strength to make this decision and had finally pushed her in the right direction. She opened her sketchbook, booted up her computer and large-format scanner, and began taking high-resolution digital shots of the graphic novel she’d spent the last few years over-polishing.
As the computer hummed and the scanner whirred, her attention fell on her phone. It still sat on her desk, taunting her. Zane’s message was on there.
She breathed deep and dialed his number.
“Riley?” Hope and hesitation poured from his greeting.
She smiled with relief. “Hey. What are you up to?”
“You know.” His casual tone sounded forced. “Nothing, really. I’m not in the mood to game, and there’s nothing good on TV, and—”
“Come over?” She cut him off before his ramble could get awkward. “I mean... that is... do you want to hang out?”
“God, yes.”
Her smile grew. “We need to talk. I mean it may not be all fun and games. It may get serious for a little bit.” Why was she over-explaining herself in the vaguest terms possible?
“I don’t care. Don’t take that wrong, I care what you have to say, and whatever it is, I’m listening. What’s up?”
She couldn’t do this over the phone. She needed to see his face, to get it right. “Come over, and I’ll tell you.”
“Hmm... a bribe. Or blackmail. I’ll be there soon.”
She let out a small laugh as she disconnected and set the phone aside. The gnawing uncertainty was still there, lingering in the back of her thoughts, but she already felt better. Now she had to focus on her scanning and keep her thoughts from running too rampant, while she waited for him to show up.