“Zane.”
“Leave.”
She wanted to argue, but the strength wasn’t there. This was too much at once. She couldn’t process anything but how intensely it all hurt. She spun away without another word. It took the last of her restraint to hold back the torrent of tears as she stormed from the room. At least she didn’t pass Archer anywhere between the apartment and the back door. She couldn’t have handled the most basic human interaction just then.
She made it to her car and collapsed in the front seat before the tears took over. Sobs wracked her body, and she hugged herself tight, trying to keep from shaking apart. She leaned her forehead on the steering wheel, grateful for the cool morning. Every inch of her psyche hurt. Zane’s words echoed in her head, gnawing at every insecurity she had. And then his confession—what was she supposed to do with that? Too many questions assaulted her for her to focus on anything.
On top of it all, instead of telling him she didn’t hold his actions against him, instead of staying and comforting him like she always promised she’d do, she’d wrapped self-pity around her and left. He carried this massive burden, and she was in her car, crying because he knew the same truth about her that everyone else did.
But she couldn’t go back and apologize. He didn’t want her there, and she didn’t know if she was strong enough to argue.
What was she supposed to do? No experience in her entire life gave her a hint for how to handle something like this.
Chapter Fourteen
Disgust and nausearolled through Zane. He thought maybe sleeping, putting yesterday behind him, would make it go away. Convince him he was right to push Riley away last night. He was wrong. He told her the truth—finally spilled his big secret—and just like he expected, she left.
You told her to.
She could have argued. Could have stayed.
Do you blame her for going?
No. It was what he wanted. What was best for her. He couldn’t draw her into this sinking pit with him. He was being selfish, leading her on, keeping her around, when he couldn’t give her what she needed long term.
A painfully loud knock jarred him out of his own head. He could ignore it. If it was Archer, Zane didn’t want to see him. Or maybe, a distraction would help him ignore his invisible wounds a bit longer.
His thoughts stalled when he yanked open the door and saw Riley. She stared at him, looking incredible despite the dark circles under her eyes and the oversized T-shirt and sweats.
He steeled himself and dragged up the resolve to push her away. It all evaporated the moment he opened his mouth. “Hey. I’m making coffee. Do you want some?”
She shook her head and stepped around him. Would she sit? Stay a while? That seemed like a horrible idea, but it sounded so good.
She lingered in the middle of the room, rubbed her face, and looked at him again. “I don’t know why I’m here; you made yourself clear yesterday. But I still can’t leave this alone.”
“Can you forgive me for what I did? For who I am?” He had no right to ask her that. He couldn’t forgive himself.