“Would you listen if I said anything?”
That was a start. “Of course I would.”
“Are you certain?”
“I said so, didn’t I?” Justin didn’t like the hostility radiating in his direction. Sure, his announcement came out of left field, but Antonio would be slotted as his replacement, and it wasn’t as though Justin was going anywhere. Not even into the office, after a couple of weeks. “What’s on your mind?”
“Mymind? No. The better question is what the fuck areyoudoing? Is this because of Emily? Something else? Make me understand.”
Justin gripped the steering wheel until his knuckles ached. “The only part of this that has to do with her is she reminded me who I am and how I got here.”
“Or, for those of us who aren’t in your head, she dragged that damned story out of you and let you relive the thrill of running away, like you did ten years ago.”
Was that what Antonio thought of him? The revelation hurt more than Justin thought possible. “I’m not running away,” he shouted. He swallowed at the sound of the childish words and pulled into the restaurant parking lot. He shut off the engine and twisted in his seat, to face his friend. “Ten years ago, I stopped letting other people’s expectations drive my path, and I made a decision. That’s what happened today, too. Why are you pissed off? Now you get to stay in the U.S. With me gone, you’ll be tagged for the CEO spot, and even if you decide to stay in your current position, you’re still a stakeholder. You’ll contract with my new firm to sell me the backend tech, and I’ll build PP into what it should be.”
“You think that’s what this is about?” Antonio stared at him in disbelief. “Me keeping my job, so I don’t have to go back home?”
“Yes.” Though, now, Justin wasn’t so certain.
“This isn’t about the fucking company. This hasneverbeen about the company.”
“I don’t understand.”
“Jesus Christ.” Antonio scrubbed his face. “This is about you. Sure, I’m proud of what we built with APPropriate Designs, but only because we did it together. Did you think everything with Emily was because I was feeling kinky and wanted to experiment?”
The question tugged at the thoughts Justin had been ignoring since yesterday, but he refused to let them loose. “Kind of. Yeah.”
“Is that what you think yesterday was?” A sliver of hurt leaked into Antonio’s voice.
Justin tried to pretend he didn’t hear it. He had that answer. It had been taunting him since their shared moment. “Yesterday was sex. Like you said, we’ve been doing some kinky shit lately. I was stressed—you helped me wrap my head around it.”
“You sayI’ma horrible liar. You’re full of shit. That wasn’tjust sex.” Antonio’s voice grew in volume with each new sentence. “I don’t know how you don’t see this, but it’s my fault for assuming you would. For not saying anything. Yesterday, collaborating with you on APPropriate Designs—everythingis because I love you. I have since Brazil, and—Christ—sometimes you make me feel like an idiot for not letting it go. But there it is. And I could stay friends. I’d be fine with that. But you’re throwing everything away, and it’s not all yours to dispose of, and I can’t watch you do this.”
Justin’s thoughts stalled. He didn’t know how to process the confession.
I love you. Antonio’s voice echoed in his head. Justin struggled for a response. “I’m not... I don’t... I’m sorry. You’re my best friend. Partner in crime. I never could have done any of this without you. But I don’t feel that way.” Because he wasn’t attracted to me. So he couldn’t love Antonio, could he?
Antonio stared at him, nostrils flared and lips drawn in a thin line. He shook his head. “Fuck you.” He climbed from the car and slammed the door behind him.
Justin should go after him. He didn’t have anything different to say, but he should figure it out. He couldn’t move. His hands were glued to the steering wheel and his legs locked in place. What had he done?