She rested her hand on his chest and pushed him away. “Stop.”
“I’m sorry. After what you’ve been through, that was thoughtless of me.”
“It’s not that.” She gave a bitter chuckle. “Though that you noticed and you care makes me feel stupid for what I’m about to say.”
He watched her, not wanting to interrupt.
“I can’t do whatever this is with you.”
“Because of Justin.” Antonio should have seen that coming. She’d always been in this for Justin.
“Yes, but I suspect I don’t mean it the same way you do.” She didn’t break the contact between them, which meant she had him at arm’s length, the warmth of her palm threatening to burn through his T-shirt. “I didn’t realize it until you were telling your story, a few minutes ago. I get along with you better than almost anyone I know. It’s easy with you. Things click. I don’t know where the two of you will wind up, but it’s real apparent how much you adore him. If I have to choose between being a rebound girl and seeing what kind of friendship we could have, I’m not choosingrebound girl.”
Her words settled deep, knocking loose an avalanche he couldn’t process all at once. But she had a good point. “You’re right; that’s not what I was thinking. Keeping that in mind, I’ll ask again. What happens when your contract is up?” It was unfair of him to push the question on her twice, when he couldn’t vocalize what he wanted.
She seemed to be thinking more clearly than him, though. “In a perfect world, where I get to write things out and they happen exactly like I say?” she asked. “We still hang out, but we stop keeping it a secret. We learn more about each other. We see what happens next.”
She made it sound so simple. Could it be that straightforward?
* * * *
JUSTIN SAT ACROSS FROMLia in the restaurant, doing his damnedest to hear every word she said. When she called and said she wanted to meet, he agreed out of politeness. However, yesterday over coffee, things were wonderful. She was bubbly, he was drawn into the conversation, and the entire thing reminded him why he proposed to her.
He didn’t have to schedule dinner for tonight, and he felt bad about bailing on Antonio at the last minute. That was the plan, though. Justin saw how Antonio and Emily interacted day to day. Intimacy radiated from them when they did simple things, like talking about directory structure. Whatever the three of them had done sex-wise needed to end. Justin hoped he could spend some more time with Lia, if he stepped aside tonight. Make things really work this time, the way they should have six months ago.
If Antonio was smart, he’d snag the free evening and spend some time with Emily.
The gnawing behind Justin’s ribs every time he thought about Antonio and Emily together was reflex. A fake bond formed because of the physical one. It would fade quickly, and he’d have the life back that he should have had.
“And then I told her lemons aren’t going to grow out of that old Subaru unless you swap the gasoline for diesel,” Lia said.
Justin stared at her, forcing the words through his head, to make sense of them. Nope. It was gibberish. “I’m sorry—lemons?”
“You were good for almost an entire day.” Her laugh sounded tired. “Would you rather be somewhere else?”
“No. This is the only place I want to be. Here. With you. I promise.” He knew as he said it that the words were false. He reached across the table and grasped her fingers. “That’s a lie. I’m sorry. I loved you. Maybe I still do, but we’re better off without each other.”
Her chin quivered and tears welled in her eyes.
“Shit.Lia, hon, I didn’t mean—”
“It’s okay.” Her voice cracked. “I... Did it hurt when I did this to you?”
“Yes.” But it hadn’t. Not like this. He felt rejected. He was pissed off and confused. But he never once mourned her leaving. It took him this long to figure out he never quite loved her? There was no reason to be that blunt with her. “I’m glad you called, and I’m happy to see you’re doing well. You and me? It’s a bad idea.”
The rest of the meal passed in awkward silence. He paid the bill, walked her to her car, and gave her the most tentative hug he remembered giving someone.
Justin drove to Antonio’s house out of habit. When he saw Emily’s car parked out front, his mind ground to a halt. It figured; his half-assed fucking plan had one thing go right. Seeing the familiar sedan in the driveway hurt as much as telling Lia there was no chance for them. That made no sense, but realizing it was a far cry from being able to stop the painful throb of his heart. The pain didn’t even do him the courtesy of explaining itself.