Susan spent half of the day flushed from memories of the night before. The light throb between her legs was a pleasant reminder. Did what happened show? She swore everyone was watching her. Which was ridiculous. They were focused on Lucas, as they should be. But wow. When could she and Andrew do that again?
The problem with that question was the one it led to. What did his muttered apology mean? She didn’t think she was supposed to hear it, and now she was fully awake, it seemed more like a product of her imagination than reality. That didn’t sate the dread that unfurled inside her every time she thought about it.
Lucas bounced back quickly, now that he was awake. By noon, the nurses let him have Jell-O and soda. The doctor released him that evening, as long as he promised to take it easy on the food for a couple of days, while his stomach recovered. The final diagnosis was that he didn’t taken enough pills to do internal damage. They took him out for so long because of his size and the alcohol he mixed them with.
Susan liked seeing the family happy. Andrew seemed restrained, but he looked so much lighter than twenty-four hours ago.
They got back to Kandace’s and got Lucas settled. He needed rest. Kandace and Andrew promised to talk to him after he recovered a little more, about how to make sure Lucas stayed happy and sane. Kandace also swore he wouldn’t have to see anyone else until they figured out the details. That seemed to sate the boy, and he passed out in his own bed a short while later.
Andrew ordered Kandace to get some sleep. She only protested for a moment before yielding. Susan and Andrew were left alone in the living room.
Andrew handed her his phone. “Do you want to text Mercy? Let her know you’re okay?”
She took the device. Typing in his passcode made her smile. The sense of humor of a five-year-old sometimes. She adored it. A twinge ghosted through her when she saw the last conversation he’d had with Mercy. The note that Susan was in his room. The deception.
She pushed aside the bad memory. That was in the past. They’d moved on. She sent Mercy a quick note. Hey. It’s Susan. Checking in. Everyone’s all right, including me.
A response came seconds later. Glad to hear it. Thanks for letting me know. Talk soon.
She smiled, and out of habit, hit the back button to take her to the main text screen. A flash of color caught her eye, and it took her a minute to process it was a photo. “What’s this?” A voice in her head screamed not to click—that she was invading his privacy—but her thumb swiped the conversation open.
“What’s what? Oh. Fuck.” Andrew’s exclamation echoed the one in her head, as she stared at a selfie of Rissa. Or rather, of Rissa’s boobs.
This wasn’t what made Susan’s brain grind to a screeching halt. It was the date it was sent and Andrew’s reply. I wouldn’t mind you riding me.
Now Susan knew why she’ woke up alone the morning after she threw herself at him. Because if she were anyone but her, he’d fuck the hell out of her. Wasn’t that how he phrased it? She looked up, to see him frowning.
She didn’t have a right to be mad. They weren’t dating, and he’d never made a secret of that. “Was she fun?” Susan forced herself to sound cheerful. The crack in her words told her she failed.
“She was forward.”
It wasn’t a real answer. Was that what he’d tell people about Susan? Or would it be a generic kind of she was a challenge? Would she get that much credit in one of his stories? The thought gnawed at her. It wasn’t that she was angry, but she was hurt in a way she didn’t like and didn’t feel she had a right to be. “I’m glad you got to hook up.”
“Me too.” He wouldn’t meet her gaze, and his trademark bravado was missing from his voice. He’d lied to Mercy about sleeping with Susan. It was possible he was covering up the truth about Rissa.
Realization spread through Susan. It wasn’t that she minded who he’d been with in the past. She was terrified of what it meant for last night. She didn’t want to ask, but she had to have it defined. It felt special, but that was her assumption. “Is that what I was last night? A hookup?”
“Suzie-Q…” He trailed off.
“I’m not upset.” She managed to sound normal. “I mean, in a way, my feelings are hurt, but I never had any illusions about how inexperienced I am compared to you. I know who you are. Seems like now is a good time to discuss it, so we’re on the same page.” Which was ridiculous. She’d already built up a relationship for her and Andrew, weaving the idea until it was part of her reality. She tried to deny it, but with the possibility of losing him staring her down, she had to admit she was hooked.
“I’ve told you before, I’m not boyfriend material. Any past disclaimers apply. Last night was really good, but that’s all it was.” He rubbed the back of his neck and studied the ceiling. “I consider you a good friend.” He looked at her. “That doesn’t have to change unless you want it to.”
“Am I the only one who felt a connection?” Why couldn’t she drop this? Because she’d convinced herself he felt the same as she did, and she was going to make him admit it. How childish was that?
“I adore you. But I don’t do long-term. Hell, I don’t think it’s fair to call it any sort of term.”
“Have you ever tried?”
A sympathetic smile appeared on his face. “More times than you’ve had boyfriends. I’d bet a lot on that.”
“Which is a low blow, and you know it.”
He shrugged. “I’m trying to keep this civil and pain free. I’ve tried real hard not to hide my intentions from you. From the start, you’ve known this was a friendship and nothing more.”
“Things can change.” Now she sounded desperate, and she hated that as much as the growing void inside.
“This is exactly what I warned you about. You’re looking for an emotional link that isn’t there. You don’t know enough about me, to assume there could be one.”