Shaking her head, Chantell popped another tater tot in her mouth. Taking a moment to chew, she finally answered. “Not in so many words. But I made my point clear. I won’t be his dirty little secret. If his parents want him with someone else so damn bad, then he should do that. He sure as hell isn’t doing me any favors.” Tough words, but they both knew she’d be crying her eyes out when she got home and was hidden behind closed doors.
Loneliness clawed at her every night as she lay in their bed without him.
Hurt was a close second.
They’d been apart before, but only for a day or two when he traveled for business. And they’d always known it was temporary. This felt different. More real. Permanent.
Her ultimatum the other night seemed to have worked a little too well. After she’d kicked him out that morning, he’d called her every thirty minutes for two days straight. Then today, he’d only called three times before noon, then the calls went silent. This is what she wanted, wasn’t it? If so, then why the hell did it hurt so fucking bad?
Sonya made a noncommittal sound under her breath. “Listen to me Chantell. I know how much you love that man. Hell, he’s been the only one for you since we were in pigtails. Maybe you should think about this.”
“Why should I?” Chantell snapped at her friend. “Why should I be the one to continue to bend? It’s not right and he needs to know I’m serious about this.”
Sonya threw her hands up in the air. “Don’t be getting mad at me. I’m not saying that at all. Hell, if you feel like he’s stepped over the line and taken things a bit too far with this game he’s playing with his father, then do you. You know I have your back right? No matter what you decide, I’m here for you.” She reached a hand across the table to grab Chantell’s, squeezing lightly. “But here me out first. I’m just saying, if you’re serious about calling it quits with Tanner, maybe you should tell him in clearer terms, because ‘ol boy looks mad as hell.”
Chantell’s head snapped up and she stared at her smirking friend. “What the hell are you talking about? When did you see Tanner?”
Shrugging her shoulders, Sonya pointed one long nail at something over Chantell’s shoulder, “I’m looking at him right now. He’s across the room and honestly, I think he’s here for you. Shit, I’ve never seen him look that way. Girl, I think you broke his ass.”
Whipping her head around so fast, she almost knocked her drink over. Looking in the direction Sonya was pointing, her eyes widened in shock. Then her body tightened in sexual need. Fuck, she’d missed him these past few days.
Sure enough, there he was. Wearing one of his trademark charcoal grey suits with a light blue shirt. His hair was mussed, as if he’d run his fingers through the thick blond strands several times. Looking at him standing across the room, her heart clenched, and sadness flowed through her as they stared at each other. Dark circles sat under his beautiful green eyes, which told her he hadn’t been sleeping well. Everything about him looked wrong. Holding herself back, she had to push down her first instinct to walk over to him.
Where was her cooler than a cucumber attorney? Tanner never came out in public looking less than his best. That was one of the things she’d heard his father harp on him about as a teenager.“Appearances matter, son. Everything you do or say, and how you hold yourself in public reflects on this family. You will always show the world your best.”Those words were said to him at least three times a week, and often in her presence.
Now that she knew how his father felt about the two of them as a couple, the words took on a new meaning.Shewasn’t the best. His father never accepted her role in Tanner’s life. He wanted him to leave her behind and move on to someone else that helped his image. Tanner couldn’t see the damage this had done to their relationship. Which is why they were currently at an impasse. Sighing, she gave him a sad look and forced herself to turn away.
“He doesn’t look like himself, Chantell. Maybe you should go talk to him.” Tilting her head to the side, her friend looked around her to where Tanner stood. Her eyes flitting back and forth between the two of them. “Um, it doesn’t look like he’s going anywhere. What are you going to do?”
“Let him stand there. If he’s not man enough to go against his father and be with me publicly, then he’s not the man I need in my life.” Even saying the words made her want to cry, but it was the truth. Her appetite was waning from eating the heavy food, but she continued to soldier on. Taking another bite of the tater tots, she was committed to seeing this night through. She wasn’t going to give in to her feelings, even though her heart was shattered. Unconsciously, she placed a hand on her stomach. There was too much at stake to waver now.
“Chantell, I think you’re looking at this the wrong way. You know how people can be. Hell, I’m the only person in your circle who even knows about him. Why is that? And you swore me to a blood oath to never mention it to anyone else. Why don’t your other friends know about the two of you? Hmmm? Why don’t you tell me that? Because from where I’m sitting, it looks like the pot calling the kettle black.”
Avoiding her friend’s knowing gaze, she sipped her iced tea. The truth was, Sonya was the only person in her circle who didn’t have an issue with interracial relationships. It was just easier to not tell her friends about her and Tanner since she wouldn’t have to hear their mouths about it.
Sonya was different. She’d dated men of various races and ethnicities, and her first love had been a white man. They’d been together for two years and were planning to get married. Sadly, he’d been killed while in Afghanistan serving in the military. At the funeral, when they’d given the folded flag to her fiancé’s mother, her friend had lost it. The woman had offered her the flag as a token of peace, knowing how much her son had loved her. Sonya swore she couldn’t take that away from her and refused the gesture. A week later, she’d sat down with his mother and created a photo album with pictures of the two of them together and some from his childhood.
Three months later, Sonya packed up everything she owned and moved back to town. That had been four years ago. It had taken a long time before she opened to Chantell about what happened. Even now, it was difficult for Sonya to talk about the love of her life who was taken from her too soon.
“It’s different,” Chantell finally said. “Some of these people have lived their whole lives in this town. Your family was different. You’re different.” Glancing at her friend, she huffed out a breath. “Okay, fine. Most of my friends and family are too close-minded to understand the relationship between me and Tanner. So, I never told them. My parents know, but that’s because I lived with them every day. Plus, they guessed something was going when I came home during my freshman year of college. I couldn’t lie to them.”
Quiet for a few minutes, her friend ate more food and took a sip of her merlot. Chantell’s mouth watered at the sight. Wine was one of the things she missed the most. Coming home from work, she’d usually kick off her shoes and change into some comfortable sweats or yoga pants. The first order of business would be to pour herself a glass of wine and cook some dinner. Not anymore.
“Listen to me, Chantell. I can’t tell you what to do about your love life,” she paused, giving a low laugh. “Hell, I still haven’t gotten over my fiancé who died more than four years ago, so I really can’t give you any advice.”
“Yes, you can…”
Waving her hand to dismiss the comments, Sonya continued. “I’m just saying. Your issues with your friends and family, minus your mom and dad, are the same issues your man is dealing with. Both of you are afraid to just live your lives. You say he’s not doing what a man should and standing up for the two of you. But have you done the same? Have you been proud to show him off to your family and friends, or do you hang your head in shame every time you skulk off to your parents’ house?”
She sucked her teeth. This wasn’t she wanted to hear. She needed her friend to be on her side and talk about how unfair Tanner was being. “At least I’m trying. He was happy to keep things exactly where they were. I’m not willing to do that anymore. And if that means we both deal with broken hearts until we can find the strength to move on with other people, so be it.”
It wasn’t that she didn’t think he was strong enough to stand up to his father. She knew it was more than that. He wanted to thumb his nose at his father’s prejudice.
Once his inheritance was handed over, he’d promised they’d get married. At one time, she believed everything he told her. But she wasn’t a young, naïve girl of eighteen anymore. Empty promises were just that. Empty. What man would want to buy the cow when he could get the milk for free? She was too old to continue to let things slide.
“You’ve always been there for me and I’m just trying to do the same for you. From what you’ve told me, twenty years is a long time to love someone, only to give up now because of a misunderstanding. Especially when you have your own secrets you’re keeping.” Eyes dipping down in the direction of Chantell’s stomach, she grinned. “I take it he doesn’t know.”
Tears welled in her eyes and she blew out a long breath.Damn hormones. She was now dealing with the one situation that was never supposed to happen, especially not without her being married. They were always so careful. Birth control was a requirement, even before they’d first made love at eighteen.