“Why don’t you explain to me exactly what I don’t get, Chantell.” Hissing the words through gritted teeth, he grabbed his jeans and pulled them on covering up some of his nakedness. “You know our plan. We both agreed this was the best way. Why are you changing shit up now?”
Frustration filled his voice and she understood his confusion. Yes, she’d agreed to keep their relationship hidden away, but that had not been her finest moment. This situation wasn’t okay by any sense of the word.
Tanner paced back and forth, arguing with himself about the plan they’d agreed to. Even pissed at him, she couldn’t help but admire his chiseled form. Over the years, she’d watched his body change and morph into what was before her today. Damn, milk sure did his body good.
“Tanner. Stop.” When he turned to her, she tried to smile. “Listen to me. Okay, let’s just take a moment. First thing first, please sit down.” Walking over to him, she grabbed one of his hands and pulled him to the side of the bed. Pushing lightly on his chest, she waited until he was seated before standing in front of him.
His eyes were still alight with frustration as he looked at her, but now it was her turn to talk. “You’ve asked me time and time again to wait for you. To give you time to figure out a solution. Let you work out how to tell your parents about us. And I did that. I waited. Even when we both knew it was unfair of you to ask. Even as my parents asked me why I was allowing myself to be treated so poorly.”
“Baby, I’ve never treated you wrong,” he interrupted. “Why are you acting as if I’ve not loved you with everything I have in me? Why are you doing this right now? What the fuck, Chantell. I need you to stop this shit and calm the fuck down.”
“Tanner, are you even listening to me?”
He seemed unable to stop. “I’ve always done my best for you. I’ve never cheated, and I never will. I take care of you in every way a man should. I’m not hiding you because I’m ashamed of you. I love you and I don’t give a shit what anyone says,” he thumped his chest so hard a red spot appeared. “Don’t do this to us, baby. Please,” he said, his voice cracking with emotion.
Tears welled in her eyes as she watched her man. They both knew what she was doing, but he was the only one who couldn’t seem to understand why. “Tanner, I know you love me. Just as you know how much I love you right back. I know we agreed that if your parents ever came to you about being with someone else, putting pressure on you, that you’d play the game. That we’d continue to be together, doing what we do as we waited things out.”
Rubbing her hand along his jaw, she blinked rapidly as the tears threatened to fall. “Yes, that’s what we agreed. But I’m not willing to do that anymore. I know this may seem out of the blue but if you think about it, this has been coming for a while now. You need to choose what you want for your life. I won’t be your secret any longer. Either be the kind of man I need—in public—or move aside and let me find someone who will.”
Shock and anger covered his face when she finished, but she wasn’t backing down. She knew her words would hurt him, but he needed to understand how serious this was to her.
“I’m not sure why the fuck you think I’d ever leave you. I’m not, and I won’t. I’ve explained that to you.” His large hands grabbed her around the hips, pulling her close to him. “I’m wondering why you’re saying these things now. What’s going on baby? We have a plan. Talk to me.”
“That’s what we’re doing. Talking. You just don’t like the words. Hear me loud and clear, because this is about as honest as I can get. I won’t be your shameful secret anymore. Why do you need your grandmother’s money anyway? You’re a goddamned lawyer, Tanner,” she said in an exasperated tone. “Your father has held that over your head for so damn long and you allowed him to do it.” Taking a deep breath, she tried to calm her racing heart. Things were getting out of control, which is what she was afraid of. “You know what? I think you should leave and head on over to your apartment.”
“What? Come on, Chantell. You can’t be serious with this shit.” Standing, he towered over her five-feet-eight-inch frame. That was one of the things she’d loved about him. He made her feel dainty, which didn’t happen often with her size fourteen body. Hating to fight with him, she’d rather be cuddled in his arms in their huge bed. “Baby, this is our home. You can’t kick me out.”
If looks could maim, he’d be writhing on the floor in intense pain. “I’m not kicking you out. I’m asking you to give me space. I need time to deal with all this and what this means for us.”
Stepping back from him, she was calm and reserved on the outside. On the inside, she was a crying, blubbering, snotty-nosed mess. “We can talk another time, but as you can see from the sun peeping over the horizon, it’s time for you to sneak away. Time to pretend you’re not sleeping with a black woman every night, sneaking down to the slave quarters for your nightly fun.”
She noticed his jaw ticking. “That shit’s not fair and you know it. Is this how you really feel about us?” Bending over, he snatched up his shirt and pulled it over his head. Running his hands through his hair, he looked shocked at what was happening between them.
Truthfully, so was she.
“Honestly? Yes, it is. And that’s something I need to come to grips with. Tanner, I love you and I’ve spent most of my life giving you every piece of me there was to give. But now it’s time for me to ask you for something.”
Shaking his head, he stood a few feet in front of her. Eyes sad, mouth turned down, his face bore a look of hurt and disappointment. “Whatever you need, Chantell. Just tell me how we can get through this because I don’t understand what’s happening with us right now.”
“When you decide to be the man out there,” she pointed in the direction of the window, “that you are in here,” she motioned to the floor of the bedroom they’d shared for years, “come back. Until then, you need to stay away fromhomefor a few days.”
Five
Chantell
Three days later…
“Girl, you need to put that man out of his misery,” her best friend Sonya said as they sat at a table in her favorite local restaurant. They’d just finished a shift at the hospital and decided to spend some time catching up. The last thing she wanted to do was talk about her relationship, or lack thereof, with Tanner. She’d spent the past few days crying herself to sleep and she had the bags under her eyes to show for it.
But she couldn’t stay in bed forever. She still had to go to work each day. Bills had to be paid. And wishing things were different wasn’t going to change a damn thing.
Ignoring for her friend’s words, she looked around the restaurant, taking in the large crowd mixing and mingling all around. Black. White. Brown. Everyone seemed to be living their best life. It was time for her to do the same, with or without Tanner. Thursday night was the best time to stop by her favorite pub and grab some food because this was the pre-weekend crowd and they always livened things up.
As she forked some of the smothered tater tots on to her plate, she shook her head at her friend and finally addressed her comment. “No, Sonya. I won’t. I can’t. This shit is not okay.” It took her a minute to chew and swallow past the huge lump in her throat. Glancing away from her friend, she focused on the television playing some sports show as she got her bearings. “I’ve given him too much. It’s time for me to move on and live my best life. Without Tanner Scott.” It hurt to even say the words.
“Have you told him that?” Sonya gave her a sly look.
Her friend had been there from the very first moment Chantell and Tanner had become something more than just childhood friends. If anyone knew how much this would break her, it was Sonya.