Tanner watched her as she spoke, without once trying to interrupt. Standing in front of him, she calmly explained why she was so willing to let him go. This was the first time she’d stood up to him like this. Not that she couldn’t. There just had never been a need for this type of confrontation.
“But this baby,” she pressed a hand to her stomach and her heart fluttered with love, “I want a different life for her.”
“Or him.”
Looking up at him, she smiled. “Or him.” Chantell began pacing the floor. “Our child deserves to be born in a world where his parents aren’t hiding their love or sneaking around. I won’t have my child born in this town that has forced us to be something we’re not. Not when everyone thinks you’re going to marry someone else. Then I show up with a child that has your green eyes. What does that make me? How do you think that will make me feel when I’m constantly being judged as the woman good enough to sleep with, but not good enough to be seen with publicly? Or marry? How would that make our child feel, knowing that her—or his—father is ashamed of their mother?”
“Baby,” reaching out to her, he lightly clasped her elbow, “please believe me. I’m not ashamed of you. If you need me to shout it from the rooftops, I’ll do it. I’ve never been ashamed of you, or what you mean to me. Our child is part of both of us. Denying my child…I could never ask you to hide our son or daughter. That you believe I would—or could—tells me just how much I’ve hurt you.” Pulling her to him, his other hand trailed a path gently along her face. Gazing down at her, his eyes bored into hers as they stood silently. “You are everything to me, but it seems that I failed you.”
When she opened her mouth to respond, he placed a finger over her lips. “No, let me finish.” At her nod, he removed his finger and grabbed her face with both hands. “In all my maneuverings to get us away from here, and piss my father off, I lost sight of why I was doing this in the first place. Maybe I’d lost sight of the whole reason I’m doing this in the first place. I’ve made you believe I’m ashamed of you. Of us. Of our child. I’m not,” he shook his head, a small smile tilting his lips. “I’m proud to be the man you’ve chosen to be by your side. You’re having my baby and all I want to do is run through downtown and let everybody know. My entire life, I’ve always known you were the woman I’d marry someday. Have kids with.” He smiled before kissing her lightly on the lips, “Loving you has been my greatest reward in this life. And until my last breath, I will never stop loving you.”
Closing her eyes, she dipped her head, pressing her face closer to his palm. As she listened to his words, the fear and concern she’d been fighting all these years threatened to rise to the surface. Shame had been her unwelcome friend for longer than she cared to admit. Her love for him had begun to rot away, the edges becoming dark and wrinkled.
Loving someone shouldn’t be this hard. For the sake of her sanity and her self-pride, she’d been willing to give him up and walk away. She didn’t want to feel that way anymore. Not when it came to Tanner.
“I love you too. I—I just needed something more. Wanted you to choose me—us—over anything else. My faith in us, well—let’s just say, I was losing faith.” It hurt to admit the truth, but he needed to know. She’d held back so much from him over the years, it was time for her to forge a new path.
Wrapping his arms around her, he pulled her body flush with his. “I’ve got this baby. I’ll take care of everything. Just don’t ever lose faith in me. Never doubt how much I need you in my life. Okay?”
“Okay.”
“Now, I wasn’t lying when I said I was dead on my feet. I’m so tired, but I want to talk more about our baby cradled inside your body. Let’s go to bed.”
Eight
Chantell
She wasn’t sure how she’d gotten to this point. It took less than one week for her to break and let him back in. So goddamn weak. Especially when it came to Tanner.
As she stood in front of him wearing only her underwear, her breasts bared to his gaze, Chantell ran a hand through the soft strands of his hair. Her love for him is the one thing she couldn’t seem to get over. No matter how much she wanted to walk away from him, she couldn’t seem to do it.
“Our baby,” he whispered softly against her stomach.
Tears welled in her eyes as she watched him. Maybe she’d been unfair to him. “I’m glad you’re happy about the baby. I wasn’t sure what you’d think. I know our relationship isn’t normal.”
Tanner shook his head before looking up at her. “Our normal doesn’t have to be someone else’s normal.” Dipping his head, she heard him take a deep inhale. “Sweetheart, we have to get beyond this. We can get beyond this. I need you to believe me. To trust me.”
In all honesty, trusting Tanner had never been an issue. It was trusting herself. Somewhere along the way, she’d lost herself. Her entire life revolved around the man sitting on the bed in front of her. When she’d found out she was pregnant, she’d cried for days. Luckily, he’d been on a business trip, so there was no risk of him seeing her like that.
She was ashamed to admit it, but she’d considered her option to end the pregnancy. Having a child amid this fucked up situation was the last thing she’d wanted to do. But as soon as the thought truly formed in her head, she’d dismissed it.
Not only did she want her baby, but she also wanted to have Tanner’s baby. No matter their situation, their little baby bean had been made with love. A love that spanned almost two decades. There was no way in hell she was going to get rid of their child.
That’s also when she realized that things had to change. No longer did she have the luxury of living for herself anymore. Chantell could no longer be selfish and think of only her needs, her desires.
Having a child would change everything. Although she loved Tanner with everything she was and ever would be, she was no longer willing to live this half-life. He either had to be all in, or he had to let her go. There could be no other option.
“Tanner, I do trust you. Hell, I’ve trusted you for over half my life. But can you blame me for how I felt?” She tried to pull out of his arms, but his hold tightened.
“Stop pulling away from me. Physically and emotionally,” he barked.
“I’m still mad at you,” she mumbled.
“Then get glad real fucking quick.” He stood quickly, coming to his full height, his arms wrapped around her waist. “I’m not saying you don’t have a right to be upset. I know what the fuck I’ve asked of you, okay? I get it. But I’m not going to keep apologizing for something we both agreed to. If you want to change the rules, then you talk to me first. You don’t throw me out of the home we’ve shared for years. You don’t cut me off from you and shut me down every time I try to talk to you. You don’t get to decide this shit on your own. Especially when it involves our child.”
Chantell could hear the anger in his voice. It pissed her off and turned her on at the same time. Damn, she was so fucking gone for this man. How she ever thought walking away from him was an option, she’d never know.
“Well, I thought I had to do something.”