Well, damn.
The situation had just gone from bad to worst. Closing her eyes, she took a few deep breaths as Tanner stood close to her. He moved one large hand from her face and placed it on her stomach. Bending his knees, his green gaze captured hers.
“Baby, are we pregnant?”
Awe filled his voice and it weakened her, prodded her to give in, to stop pushing him away. She wanted to, but she couldn’t. Their current situation was untenable. She didn’t question his love for her. That wasn’t their problem. She knew they loved each other, but love wasn’t going to be enough. Not this time.
When they were young and stupid, sneaking around had been fun. Exciting. Neither of them wanted the headache of dealing with their parents, so it was easier to keep things private. They weren’t hurting anyone, and they were happy. At the time, being with him was the only thing that mattered, so she lived her life without worrying about how it would affect her down the road.
Sure, her friends assumed she was practically a damn nun who didn’t have any interest in men. During her entire high school and college years, they’d constantly tried to set her up with guys. Even now, five years after graduating college, she’d get pitying looks when the group was together. Each of them talking about their love interests and sexcapades, while she sat there silent. Not feeling the need to brag about what her man was doing; she’d sip her drink and laugh at all the right moments. There was no need for them to know how well he treated her in bed. It was none of their business anyway.
Tanner was right. She’d been a willing participant in their relationship every step of the way. Blame wasn’t solely on his shoulders. Pretending to only be friends during the day, she lived for the nights when they were both in their home, and their masks came off.
Since they’d known each other for so long, no one questioned their friendship. They hung out together all the time. Met up at the same places for dinner or drinks. Even had some of the same acquaintances. Being a part of each other’s lives for so long, she knew people were no longer surprised by how close they were. How they managed to hide their affection for each other after all these years, she’d never know. But somehow, they made it work.
Sighing, she rubbed a hand against her forehead. She hadn’t been ready to have this discussion with him, but her unexpected disclosure took that choice away from her. It was too late. She’d run out of time.
It was funny. They’d always talked about having children one day. Two beautiful children for her. A boy and a girl, both sporting their father’s beautiful green eyes. On the other hand, he wanted at least four children. Two boys and two girls. Even after all this time, they still hadn’t come to a compromise.
Sadly, those dreams were always spoken of as part of the life they’d build after moving away from this town. It was always focused on their lives once they were able to start over on their own terms. Away from the hateful bigotry of his father.
The feel of his hand rubbing her still flat stomach pulled her from those thoughts. “Yes, I’m pregnant. I didn’t want you to find out this way.” Stepping away from him, she curled her arms around her stomach.
Standing to his full height, his green eyes turned hard. She knew guilt was reflected all over her face. If she knew him as well as she thought she did, the questions were about to come fast and furious. In three…two…one…
“How far along are you?”
Chantell sighed, knowing he wouldn’t like her answer. “I guess I’m about seven weeks now. I go to the doctor next week.”
“When were you going to tell me?”
“Honestly, I don’t know. Probably after my doctor’s appointment when I knew more.” More than likely it would have been long after that, especially if they weren’t able to make it past this bump in the road.
He sighed, his eyebrows going up as he stared at her. “I don’t believe you, Chantell. Why would you keep something like this from me?” His anger at the situation was palpable. Tension filled the room and she wanted to walk away. Forget this was even happening. But she couldn’t. There was no running from their situation. Not even if she wanted to.
She met his glare, “That’s what we do, right? We keep secrets. That’s all we’ve done for years.”
Throwing up his hands, he stormed to the other side of the room, putting more space between them. “Not that shit again,” he groused. “I’m not going to keep apologizing for something you and I both agreed to. If you didn’t want to be here with me, you could have left. You could have walked away.” Pausing to take a breath, he stalked back over to her. Standing just inches away, he leaned his head down. “But this bullshit blame game and playing the victim stops now. We were in this together. Always have been. If you want to change the dynamics, then fucking talk to me like a woman. Stop behaving like a ten-year-old child throwing a tantrum.”
Hands balled into tight fists, she wanted to punch him. He had no right talking to her like that. “This is all your fault,” she screamed at him. “You and your racist ass father. You’ve let him control your entire life and now I have to pay the price.” This moment had been years in the making, and it felt good to let her feelings out.
Leaning back, he placed his hands on his hips. “Bullshit. Keep telling yourself that.”
“Just admit it, Tanner. You let him play you like a fiddle. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you were afraid of him. Scared of what the big, bad Bertrand Scott will do if he finds out you’re fucking the black chick. That you stick your dick inside me every night. That you actually,” fake gasping, she placed her hand at her mouth, “created a baby with a dar—”
“Stop this shit right now,” he interrupted, not letting her finish that word. Grabbing her by the arms, he pulled her close to him. His warm breath feathered across her lips. “Say one more fucking word and I’ll put you over my goddamned knee. Don’t you ever say that word. Not to me. And sure as hell not when referring to yourself. I’m not going to let you denigrate what we have.”
The ticking of his jaw gave away his level of anger. Good. She wanted him angry. She needed him to realize she was no longer willing to live her life this way. Either he fought for their relationship—their love—by her side, or he needed to let her go.
“Chantell, you can’t do this. It’s not good for you or the baby. All this pent-up anger coming out of you tonight… it’s thrown me. You never gave me any sign…” he paused and took a deep breath. “I’m upset that you didn’t tell me about the baby, but we can’t keep fighting like this. I’ll say I’m sorry again. Is that what you need? For me to grovel some more and beg you not to give up on us?”
“I’m sorry, too, Tanner. No, I don’t want that at all,” she whispered. “I want us. I want our baby. You’re the only man I’ve ever loved. The only man I want to love.” She paused, taking a deep breath. “But I meant what I said the other day. You need to choose. That hasn’t changed. You want to know the truth?”
His hold on her arms loosened and he rubbed his hands along her bare skin, his face contrite. A small smile lifted his lips. “I’m not sure how I should answer that.”
Tanner continued staring down at her, his face twisted in frustration and confusion. She knew he was wondering what was happening between them. To her, it felt like the time for their reckoning. They would either survive this together or break apart for good.
Smiling at him, she shrugged, pulling her body away from his. Tanner dropped his hands from her arms, allowing her space. “Until I discovered I was pregnant, I would have kept up this facade for as long as you asked,” she laughed derisively. “You’re right. This is how we both chose to live our lives with each other. We both knew what we were doing and decided that having this,” she motioned around their house with one hand, “was better than going through a constant battle. Fighting everyone who tried to come between us. This way, we could still be a couple and not deal with your father trying to pull us apart at the seams.”