“It hurts so bad,” she whimpers.
I look up to the doctor. “Can she have some drugs? There’s something you can give her, right? Morphine, epidural, chloroform.”
He coughs to cover a laugh. “It’s too late for an epidural. The best we can offer is gas.”
“So get her some damn gas!”
With a lifted brow and smug grin, he writes his notes and tucks the pen in his breast pocket. Iz’s shaking vibrates her whole body. Her jaw is tense. Her teeth chatter. Her fingers clutch at me like if she let go, she might die.
Nowhere did I read that this was normal.
“Jimmy.”
I refocus on her. On her sad, wet eyes. “Yeah, baby?”
Big fat tears drip and dribble over her jaw. “You didn’t take my calls.”
“I’m sorry.” I press my lips to her white knuckles. “I didn’t know. I was in the bathroom, but I called you back as soon as I knew.”
“I didn’t think you’d come.”
“I’ll always come. Always. I promise.”
With a weak smile that reeks of false bravery, she asks, “Did you have a nice date?”
Despite the seriousness of what we’re doing right this second, I laugh. “No, I had a really, really shitty time. I went to the bathroom to get away from her. I didn’t even have to pee.”
“You don’t love her, do you?”
I use my thumb to wipe away tears from beneath her eyes. “No, Bubs. I definitely don’t love her.”I love you.
“I’m sorry I didn’t wait for you.” Her shivers grow with every minute that passes. “I tried to. I wanted to. I would have, but I didn’t know.”
“What? What didn’t you know? What do you mean?”
“I wish I’d waited for you. I should’ve waited.”
I squeeze her hand to slow the shaking. “Waited for me to what? What are you talking about?”
“I wish I was having your baby.” Sobs wrack her chest and send new tears spilling over. “I wish Bean was yours.”
For the second time since I found out about Bean, tears rush to my eyes. “Do you mean that?” I’m Icarus. I’m flying close to the sun. “Do you mean that, Bubs?”
She nods. “I mean it. I’d give anything if it meant you and me and Bean were a family.” A brand-new contraction has her crying out on the final words.
I hold her. I help her through it. But I heard what she said. My heart grows wings and follows Icarus.
As soon as her body relaxes, I lean forward and press my lips to hers. “Bubs, we’re already a family.”
“No. Not family like that. I don’t want a brother. I wantyou.” Her beautiful eyes come up to mine. “I’minlove with you, Jim. I tried to let you go. I tried to stop. But I’m still in love with you, and it hurts that we can’t be together.”
“Bubs…” Finally, her tears don’t hurt me. This time, they have me soaring. “I’ve been in love with you for as long as I remember. Not the kind of love that Bobby and Aiden and Jon love you. Not a brother. I love you like a man loves a woman.”
“Really?” She thinks I’m lying.
“Really. I love you.”
Striking out as fast as a snake, her fist slams into my shoulder. “Why didn’t you say something? You fucking jerk.”