My body is a traitor, and I hate my weakness for this man. Why can’t I forget him? Why can’t I be stronger?
“It’s okay.” He smirks like he knows what I’m thinking. “You didn’t hurt me. You alright?”
He’s so beautiful. His recent broken nose and the new slight bend only emphasizes his attractiveness, almost like he was a little too pretty before, but now he looks rugged. Sexy. I’d actually, literally, stuff dollar bills in his boxers if it meant I could lick him.
If I could lick his thick neck, or his strong, wide chest.
“Bubs?”
I jump back with a squeak. “Huh?”
I swear, his smirk knows too much. “I asked if you were okay.”
“Yes. Thank you. I just had to pee.” I attempt to turn away to dry my already dry hands, but his hold remains firm. “Bean sits on my bladder now,” I ramble nervously, “so I only get thirty minute breaks between the bathroom.”
My firm stomach sits against his, we’rethatclose. His aftershave permeates the air intoxicatingly. His long lashes flutter the way women wish theirs could, but for some reason, the universe only gifts natural lashes like those to guys.
I lean into him, because he’s right there, but with a wind up and swift kick, Bean sends Jim jumping away from me with a loud, “Woah.” He laughs and looks down between us. “Wow, if that isn’t a warning to back up, then I don’t know what is.” His brown eyes twinkle with fun. Was he going to kiss me? Would he, if I simply leaned forward? “I don’t think Bean wants to share his mama, huh? He’s already protective of you. Can’t say I don’t respect that.”
And I can’t say I’m not having tingles in my baby making region from standing this close to a smiling Jim.
I know I shouldn’t. I know it puts me smack bang in whore territory, but I’d gladly hitch my pregnant ass up and let him push me against the wall… if only he’d say to jump.
Jim clears his throat when I say nothing. “Umm…”
My face burns with embarrassment. Taking a firm step backwards and forcing his hands to drop from my arms, I look anywhere but into his eyes. “Why are you here? There’s another bathroom in the master bedroom.”
“Actually, I was looking for you. I was coming to ask if you’re ready to go home.”
I stare in mute confusion. I’m still stuck on the hitching my ass up thing.
“I drove you this morning,” he prods. “Remember? You have no car. It’s getting late, so I figured you were ready to crash.”
“Oh, yeah, of course.” I pat my stomach nervously and attempt to shimmy through the still blocked doorway. “I’m ready to go.”
He doesn’t move out of my way. And he knows I can’t suck my stomach in. He simply stands in my way and makes me shimmy past and rub up all over him like a cat in heat.
Awesome.
As soon as I escape his heat and emerge into the hall, he chuckles and follows me downstairs. We move into the kitchen, where I grab my bag from the counter. “We’re heading out.”
Jim leads me out the front with a gentle hand on the small of my back. Helping me into the Jeep and closing the door, he sprints to the driver’s side and has us pulling into my driveway in a matter of minutes. He pulls in slowly. He drags time out and takes ages to put the Jeep into neutral and pull on the handbrake. Almost like he’s stalling, he refuses to meet my gaze until he absolutely has to.
I’m tempted to invite him in for coffee.
Or eternity.
But that’s not my reality. And it’s only stalling the inevitable.
No matter what, he still has to go home, and with the way my hormones are raging through my body – hence thefuck me against the wallfantasies – I know inviting him in and dragging out our goodbye will only make things worse for me.
It’s time to let go.
It’s time to grow up and stop holding onto the life a little girl planned before she was old enough to understand quite how cruel the universe could be.
I open my door and lever my legs out, but before I get to my feet, he’s by my side to take my hand and help me down. He’srightthere. “Thanks.”
“S’okay.” He waits until my belly slides along his and my feet are steady. “Come on,” he whispers near my ear. “Let me walk you to your door.”