“I’m gonna order a pizza.” Jon steps into the front room and sends me jumping with fright.
Jim remains standing in front of me with those same eyes that reek of a broken heart and disappointment. My stomach swirls. I don’t want pizza. I just want them to leave.
I want to be alone.
Stepping away when Jim says nothing, I walk through the living room and pass a quietly watching Kit. She and Tink are my best female friends in the whole world, but that means they know too much. I don’t want her pity. She sees too much.
I’ve been in this house a million times before, but now that Bobby’s moved out and everything is so neutral as it waits for new tenants, I see it with new eyes. Black leather couch. Flat screen TV. Beer in the fridge that Bobby never bothered to take with him. Throw a few dirty socks on the floor and it’d be complete as a guy’s bachelor pad.
I take a self-guided tour through to the kitchen, but when I find myself alone with Kit, I groan at her sad eyes. “I’m fine, Kit. You don’t have to follow me around.”
She smiles and leans against the counter. “I’m on your side, remember?”
“Why’d you follow me in here?”
“I wanted to ask about next week.” She shrugs casually, as though next week is no big deal to her. “Didn’t wanna bring it up in front of Bobby. You know how he worries.”
I’m such an asshole.
Next week is the trial.Thetrial for Kit’s cousin and aunt. Everyone says it’s open and closed, that the evidence is iron clad and they won’t get off. But still, it sucks that Kit and Bobby will have to relive that awful time. I know it hurts them to think of it.
“Yeah, I’m ready.” I turn to the fridge and take out a cider for her. Either that’s been there for a long time, or someone went shopping and stocked up for tonight. “Are you? Will you be okay?”
“I’ll be fine.” She waves me away with faux casualness. “Bobby’s freaking out a little, but I’ll be fine. How are you feeling? How’s Bean?”
“He’s fine.” I smile and rub my stomach. “He’s starting to run out of room, but he’s good. Happy. Moves a lot.”
“You still think he’s a he?”
I laugh softly and remove my hand when Kit presses hers over Bean’s protruding butt. “I don’t know. I’ve just thought ‘he’ this whole time, but honestly, I have no friggin idea.”
“Have you picked names yet?”
Thank God her eyes stay on my belly and not my face. She pays too much attention. She knows too much. I have a name I’d like to use. It’d work for a middle name no matter what sex the baby is. I shouldn’t, I can’t, but I can’t help the yearning.
I’ll just add it to the pile of other things I can’t have.
I’m terrified that Jim would be pissed if I used his name. Or worse, disgusted, because it’s not his baby.
“No, I haven’t decided yet. But I’m running out of time, so I better hurry.”
“Do you think he’ll be here early? You only have five weeks to go.”
“I have no idea. We’re starting to run out of room, but I’m not uncomfortable. Not really.”
“Hey, Sissy.”
Kit and I look up at Jon’s call. With a soft smile and one more belly rub, Kit steps back and leads me to the living room. We walk in to find Bobby, Aiden, and Jack sitting on the floor playing the PlayStation, and Jon and Jim watching us with their best grouch impersonation. Like usual.
Jon steps forward with a wrapped package. A gift. “Housewarming gift.”
Nervous butterflies swarm my belly. I have no idea what he could have bought me, but I let out a small grunt when I take it in my hands and realize how deceptively heavy it is.
“Um.” The small but heavy package makes me emotional all over again. Jon and I grew up poor.Superpoor. So poor, I know he ate only a third as often as he should have. So birthday and Christmas gifts were a luxury we just couldn’t afford. But whether he could afford them or not, I still got a gift every single year. Books. Always books. And on the inside flap, I could always find the school library stamp half rubbed off.
“I didn’t steal it,” he laughs softly. “This is actually more for me than you.”
“What?” Slicing the excess tape with my fingernail, I begin tearing the brown paper away. The PlayStation goes on pause. Kit’s shoulder presses against mine. Tears sit at the backs of my eyes and threaten to embarrass me.