“What are you talking about, Bubs? What. Has. Happened?” I squeeze her face. “Just tell me. There’s nothing to forgive. There’s never anything to forgive… I just need you to tell me what’s hurting you.” I don’t know what the other guys can hear. Probably everything. Probably the million silent‘I love you’s’I scream in my head. I’ve worked every day for a lifetime to keep my secret, but now I don’t care.
For as long as she needs me, for as long as she looks up at me with those sad eyes, I don’t care.
“Just promise you’ll try to forgive me? I didn’t mean to hurt you.”
“Bubs…” I look over her shoulder and stop on Kit and Tink’s blotchy faces. They know what’s going on. They know I love Iz. How could they not know? It’s written all over my face.
“I need the words, Jimmy!”
“Fine.” My eyes come back to Iz. “I promise to forgive you. Whatever happened, whatever happens, I promise to forgive you.” I hold her closer, because it already feels like she’s slipping away. “I’ll always forgive you, Bubs… because I’ll always love you.”
She stares into my eyes with a potent mixture of anger, hurt, worry, dread, and above it all, a thick sheen of‘why couldn’t you love me enough to say that before?’
Her frame shakes in my arms, her lips wobble, and despite everything else going on around us, despite Jon’s furious glare, despite the girls’ tears, despite Bobby standing over us, the only thing running through my brain right now is the fact she didn’t tell me she loves me back.
She didn’t say it. She simply shakes her head.
No. I don’t love you.
Fuck.
Mother.
Fucking.
Fucker.
She disentangles herself from my hands and steps back until the girls surround her. Kit passes that white envelope with shaking hands, then her eyes meet mine.
Here it comes.
The death blow.
“Umm.” Iz clears her throat hesitantly. “Okay, I need you all to hear me out. Don’t freak out. Please.”
Jon’s body is coiled and ready to strike. He stands and leans forward with his fists on the table. “Get to the fucking point, Isabelle.”
“Leo.” Tink’s voice, possibly the only voice that’ll break through his anxiety right now, has his eyes snapping to hers. “Listen. Don’t react.”
“Sissy?” Bobby’s much gentler voice drags her gaze to his. “Band-Aid. Do it now. Put us out of our misery.”
“Okay, fine.” She exhales loudly and fusses with the envelope. “Umm…” She shoots one last glance my way. This is it. She’s saying goodbye.
I can literally feel my heart pounding…
Pounding…
Cracking…
She mouths the words ‘I’m so sorry,’ as fat tears spill over her cheeks, then loudly, she announces, “I’m pregnant… I’m having a baby.”
… Broken.