They rolled to their sides, and she slid her leg over his hip. Without breaking their connection, he moved inside her. What started out as slow and sensual while lazily exploring his mouth with her tongue, ended up as wild and with a sense of urgency spurring her on.
She whimpered and said, “I love you. I want it all with you.”
He panted as he picked up speed, thrusting inside of her in a punishing rhythm while pulling her even closer. Her nipples rubbed along his chest as she arched her back, heightening her pleasure.
“Oh, Keen. I…”
He kissed her jaw and said, “Almost there, I know… I can feel you gripping me…”
A long groan signaled his upcoming release. Hearing him let go so freely, spurred on her own orgasm. She let the aftershocks take over her body and enjoyed the safeness of his warm body engulfing her.
He emptied himself inside of her, and when he connected his forehead against hers, she lost yet another piece of herself to him. The feeling of never wanting to let go of this man tightened her throat.
Of course, in that moment, her ugly past reared its head again and a little voice in the back of her mind said that she should enjoy this moment while it lasted. It could very well be the last time she held him in her arms.
She closed her eyes and like in a bad movie, she saw Keenan standing in the kitchen, kissing Evangeline and rubbing her pregnant belly. Tommy sat at the dinner table, playing cards with his younger sister who was the spitting image of him.
In her mind, after seeing Evangeline in her poor state, Keenan would do everything in his power to rescue her. He would bring her back home to reunite her with Tommy, who finally had his mother back in his life. It would remind him of the love they shared and he would choose to reunite his family.
Feeling attacked by her own stupid thoughts, she shook her head. She blinked the painful image away and swallowed the bile in her throat. Normally, after feeling so hopeless and down, she would try to push everything as far away as possible. And her number one method had always been escaping her thoughts while standing up for herself in a big fight.
“Are you okay?”
She nodded. “Yeah…”
“Talk to me.”
“I think I need to find another way to cope with my issues, Keen. I want nothing more than to call Dev right now, to find out if there’s an underground fight tonight.”
He stiffened in her arms, but unlike that time in Donovan’s office, he didn’t lash out. She took it as a good sign and said, “I’m not doing that, of course. I’ve been thinking a lot about what you’ve said, and I’ve also talked with Ro about it.”
He rubbed his thumb over her cheek and said, “I’ve heard, sweetheart. I think it’s a great idea to spar with Ro. He’s looking forward to it.”
She remembered what Ro said about trying to razz Keenan, and she smiled. “I bet he is. He’s like a big kid sometimes.”
“Do you know why you feel the need to go to those warehouses? I mean… you already spar with Catriona and Devlin. And now you’re even working at the dojo to share your craft and help other women. What is it about those cage fights?”
With his soothing back rubs, she felt enough at ease to share with him her darkest secret. The one thing that she told no one she loved before. Not even her three best friends. And not even her family.
Sure, she’d told her experience in little detail during her self-defense classes at the dojo. But that had always been to let her students know she was one of them. She had been attacked and knew from firsthand experience how utterly powerless she’d felt at the time.
How bad as it may sound, her teaching self-defense classes worked as much therapeutic for Ryleigh as for her students. By talking about her experiences in high school on a weekly basis, she’d taken a huge step on her way to the point of making peace with her past.
She wasn’t there yet.
Her earlier thoughts about Keenan leaving her for his ex proved that point.
Not being good enough had been ingrained in her on a daily basis for years. But after that one afternoon near the locker room at school, she’d walked over to Devlin’s house and asked him to teach her how to fight.
“When you’re in a cage, there’s no other way out of there but to fight your way out. You can’t rely on others to help you. Every single hit you dish out, you’d better make sure it’s on target. Every kick in the gut they give you, you’d better suck it up.”
“I never want to see you fight again, Ry. My heart can’t take it. I almost got into the cage that night we met to protect you from the Plower. I really don’t think I could take it to see you out there again.”
She understood where he was coming from.
“For a long time, I needed that feeling of being in control in a situation that was so far out of my control, and so scary… I don’t know how to explain it. Winning my first fight gave me such a rush. For weeks after that fight, I’ve craved to have that feeling back. Whenever I would be at my lowest, I would get into the cage, fight for my life and walk out of the cage feeling lighter and on top of the world.”
His eyes searched hers for a moment. He seemed uneasy but still continued, “Does this have to do with the thing you’ve shared in one of your classes? Deirdre didn’t know I—”