Brennan snorted while picking up a few strayed coasters from the floor and letting them go through his fingers. The silence between him and his dad weighed heavily like a dark cloud above their heads, butin the end,he couldn’t help but glimpse at his father.
“Ye may think ye know everything there is to know about what happened after yer mom died but…”
Sean Jr. swallowed a big lump in his throat and continued, “Yous, nor any of me boys get how it feels to get yer heart ripped out from yer chest, leavin’ ye paralyzed from this achin’ pain. So much so, that ye can’t even function.
“I couldn’t take those green eyes of some of me boys without picturin’ Edith… without gettin’ pissed she wasn’t with us anymore. She should’ve been there for you kids when you were growin’ up, she should’ve been—”
Brennan stormed over to where his father sat with his grandfather, cousins, and brother. Like a damn reunion. Was this how it would go down between them? He wanted to talk? Bring it on.
Brennan sat down next to his father and turned his body to his father. He leaned in and said in a dead calm voice. “You should’ve been there for us. Gettin’ pissed at mom for dyin’ and not bein’ there for us is makin’ me fuckin’ blood boil. Ye were alive and kickin’ and still wasn’t there for us. So help me God, one more word about mom and I’ll—”
“Boyo. Son. I’ve had it. We gonna talk things through for once and for all.” Pops slammed his calloused fists on the squeaky table and stood with the biggest scowl he’d ever witnessed on his grandfathers’ grumpy face.
Pops narrowed his eyes. “Aye, Boyo. Ye can snort all ye want. I can handle me self. Ye may treat ye father like shite for the last twenty years, but the day ye think ye can take on this old man it's gonna cost ye. Imma take me cane and go after yer arse. Ye won’t be sittin’ down for a month, ye hear?”
Aiden choked on his whiskey, making Keenan clap his back until he quieted.
“I didn’t mean to disrespect you, Pops. I love you,” Brennan said. He’d subconsciously taken the stack with coasters with him and was now pulverizing the coasters, one by one.
Pops’ hand rested on Brennan’s back and somehow stroked the tension away. Brennan righted his shoulders and glanced over to his dad who poured the three generations of Mills men another hefty glass with the amber liquid. Brennan couldn’t believe he would share a drink with his old man, when he’d said such hurtful things about his mom.
Pops picked up his glass and said, “I’d like to propose a toast. To us all sharing a drink as a family, and my son and grandson finally letting go of the past.”
“Things ain’t that easy, Pops. If ye think we’re goin’ to simply hash things out over a bottle of booze, yer mistaken. I’ve got twenty years of anger inside of me. It’s best if I take it out on Ronan in Duncan’s Dojo—” Brennan said.
He took his glass to his mouth, letting the liquid warm his throat, as he not only swallowed the whiskey but also his pride.
Brennan needed closure, he was aware of that fact, even though he wasn’t open for it right now. He caught sight of the worried lined eyes of Pops next to him.
Pops shook his head and after downing the rest of his whiskey; he clanged his glass on the table.
“Aye, Imma ‘bout to lose me temper here.”
“Listen to them, Bren. There is nothing worse than finding out your time with someone is up. All your hopes and dreams for the future… gone with the flick of a wrist. Finding out you can never go back and do things over…” Keenan shook his head and sighed.
“Just… look at the horizon. Go forward and don’t hold yourself back by living halfway in the past.”
Keenan stood from the table and said, “I’m going home. Get me some cuddles from Tommy.”
“I’m coming with you, bro. See ya’ll tomorrow,” Aiden said as he stood from the table.
Aiden and Keenan walked into the kitchen, and the swishing of the swinging doors in their wake was the only sound in the now silent pub.
“Okay, so like Keenan said just now… I think we can all agree that if one of you two walks out of the door right now and get hit by a bus, the other would always regret to never have the chance to get certain things off his chest.
“So perhaps, because I feel a lot of tension coming from you, Bren, it’s best if you start? Throw it all out for once and for all?” Declan said. Always the negotiator.
“Okay. You all asked for this. So don’t come at me after this. Okay?” Grunts and hums met Brennan’s words.
“So…” he said as he glanced at his father again. “I think ye did a shit job as a father and I can’t help but want to slam me fist in ye laughin’ mouth. Each… and… every… time… I see ye.”
He swallowed the rest of his whiskey in one and slammed his glass back at the table. Damn, it felt good saying that shit out loud.
Perhaps the one thing he hadn’t been open and honest about was the hurt he felt since growing up without a mom, or a dad. It still ate at him, making him feel like that fourteen-year-old boy who lost his mom and had to step up for the rest of his younger brothers.
“No matter what happened in the past, you’ve got to work this out,” Declan said.
“This is our dad we’re talking about. And if that isn’t enoughincentive for you to figure things out, take a good look at our grandfather. If you can’t see the hurt behind his eyes, then you’re also blind as hell.”