It was going to be another torturous night. He should be in a good mood seeing his brother Ronan wanted to celebrate his recent big MMA win in their family’s pub The Lucky Irishman. But ever since she moved to Austin, Donovan wasn’t the same man he used to be. Almost half a year ago, when she’d smiled shyly at him through a picture on his computer screen, something in his gut told him she was different.
He took out his phone and looked up the same picture he’d seen all those months ago. At twenty-seven years old, she still had this innocent vibe about her. Dressed in a simple white T-shirt and worn light blue jeans, her waist-long, chocolate brown hair glistened from the reflecting sunshine. She had the same dusty freckles splayed on her pert little nose as her sister, Donovan’s assistant Kayla. But her eyes had a different color, a pure light blue.
While staring at her picture, his heartbeat picked up and he suddenly felt warm. His mouth went dry, and he got rock-hard. It was stunning that just a picture of this soft, sweet goddess sitting on a swing in a backyard could have this effect on him.
He opened the app on his phone to track her exact whereabouts. Hmm, she was still in her apartment. Was she getting ready for the party? Putting on that hot-as-fuck black dress with the open back she wore the first time they’d met? Or was she still under the shower right now? Engulfing her long, dark tresses in her signature rich peach scent?
He put his phone back in his pocket, shook his head, and narrowed his eyes at himself in the mirror. “Stop. Thinking. About. Her.” God, he was pathetic. She was the only person he ever longed for, but he’d made sure Kate stayed as far away from him as possible.
Hopefully, she was aware by now that he wasn’t good for her. She was definitely too pure for him—practically untouched—and he was… well, he was experienced. He never wanted to be with a woman who wasn’t self-assured sexually. After high school, he’d always been with women who knew what they wanted and weren’t afraid to ask. Oh, and he’d be sure to make them beg.
He discovered that while Kate might not be experienced, she had everything in her to be the begging type. He first saw her picture last April when Kayla asked him to protect her sisters from her stalker. Being the owner of a security company and a hacker-turned-private investigator gave him the means to help her.
In his search for Tom, Kayla’s stalker, he found footage of Tom stalking Kate at her workplace since he couldn’t locate Kayla. Kate had been blissfully unaware. Not wanting to tip Tom off that he was on to him, Donovan had hacked into several of Kate’s devices. At first, he only searched for signs of Tom intruding in Kate’s life. He couldn’t help coming across some interesting things about her throughout his search. Finding out what her interests were, seeing the kind of books she read, it made him believe she could be perfect for him.
But the roaring turmoil she created inside him made him pull away from her. He didn’t know what to do with these emotions that surfaced every time he laid eyes on her. He’d always been called “cold and distant,” and Donovan had noticed early on while growing up that he couldn’t reciprocate feelings for the girls he spent time with.
Where some of his brothers were dating and falling in and out of love faster than the speed of light, he never experienced any of that. Sure, he enjoyed spending time with women, but he never wanted the hassle of checking in with someone and sharing stories about how his day went. He purposely constrained his interactions with women to a sexual level, never diving deeper to an emotional level.
Vibrations in his slacks yanked him from his thoughts. He pulled out his phone and checked the incoming text.
BRENNAN: She’s not coming tonight.
Ah, that’s why she was still in her apartment. He exhaled a sigh of relief. His brother Brennan understood he would set Donovan’s mind at ease with his text. He replied immediately.
DONOVAN: Thnx, B. See you in 30 mins?
BRENNAN: Yeah, I’ll be there.
Donovan rolled up the sleeves from his black dress shirt and stared into the walk-in closet’s mirror. His eyes were distant while he studied his own reflection. At thirty-four, he was in his prime. He kept in shape with running eight miles before work and boxing with his brothers at Duncan’s Dojo. The Mills brothers often hung out in the dojo, owned by and named after his brother Duncan, who retired last year from MMA fighting.
He never understood the need to get close to a woman and was perplexed when he saw his younger brother Duncan throwing himself at the feet of his assistant. Kayla was a little spitfire, and Donovan smiled, thinking that Kate couldn’t be any more different than her sisters if she’d tried.
Kate relocated from New Jersey to Austin three months ago, moving into Kayla’s vacant apartment when she moved in with Duncan. It was no trouble at all for Donovan to keep tabs on Kate. With his background working for a local women’s shelter, he was quite aware that this was a disturbing habit. He was ashamed of his stalkerish behavior, but despite all his efforts, he just couldn’t help himself.
Throughout his day, he checked in on her, even though there was no need to. Kate consumed his thoughts as he wondered if she was safe and what she was doing. Next to his need to keep her safe, for the first time in his life, he felt the need to understand a woman. He wanted to know what made her tick, and some days, he even fantasized about becoming her whole world too.
Donovan sighed and shook his head. He didn’t recognize himself anymore as his obsession took hold of him. What is wrong with me? “Stop it.” Time to leave for the party to celebrate Ronan’s win. Thank fuck he wouldn’t run into Kate tonight.
Forty minutes later, Donovan entered Lucky and walked straight over to a clearly intoxicated Ronan. “Congratulations, Ro. I knew you could do it, bro.”
Ronan grabbed Donovan’s hand and pulled him in for a man hug with a big smile on his bruised face. “Thanks, bro. Couldn’t have made this comeback without your help, man. You and Dunc sure tested me during training.”
The six-foot-four, bulky Ronan had been with Kayla and her neighbor Caitlin in the elevator when Kayla’s stalker attacked them five months ago. Tom stabbed Ronan with a syringe, and the heavy sedative immediately took him out cold. Then Tom gave Caitlin a blow to the head with the barrel of his gun and shot Kayla in the stomach when she jumped in front of Ronan to protect him from Tom. Eventually Caitlin stopped Tom by shooting him with her service weapon, which turned out to be a fatal shot.
Kate was back in New Jersey at the time, but she came on the first available flight to Austin, along with the rest of her family. Donovan remembered the feeling that overtook him when they were in that hospital, waiting for the Walsh family to arrive and waiting for an update from the doctors who were operating on Kayla.
The first thing that entered his mind when she walked into the waiting room was “Thank God it wasn’t you. Thank God you’re safe and sound.” But he didn’t move toward Kate. Donovan was frozen by all the feelings that surfaced—feelings he’d never felt before, ever. He sat stock-still and waited among the others for the good news that Kayla would fully recover. He witnessed the sweet Kate crumble before his eyes, and he knew for certain that her heart was broken because she was so scared that her sister wouldn’t make it.
He wanted to reach out to her, to bring her onto his lap and hold her in his arms. He wanted to reassure her that everything would be all right. But he couldn’t do it. He wasn’t ready to let her in. He wasn’t ready to deal with those raging feelings and foreign emotions he never knew existed inside of him—him of all people, who was never fazed by anyone or anything. He sat there, his eyes locked on Kate, but his body still glued to the cheap plastic chair in the waiting room.
He took out his phone and glanced once more at Kate’s picture and sighed. He stood at the bar, surrounded by family and friends, but his mind was elsewhere. Kayla and Duncan entered the pub, coming up to them. After they greeted Donovan, Ronan picked up Kayla for a massive bear hug. “Hi, Kayla. I’m so glad you’re here.”
“Geez, thanks a lot, bro. You’re not happy to see your trainer? I’ve worked your arse off almost every day,” Duncan mock grumbled. He knew how close Ronan and Kayla had become since surviving the attack.
Ronan simply shrugged and held on to Kayla. “Sorry for hugging my lifesaver first, Dunc.”
Before Kayla could interrupt, Ronan pulled her even closer and leaned in to say, “I’m so sorry for not protecting you that day. I know you don’t want to talk about it, but fuck… I’m a bit drunk, and I’m so grateful you saved my life back then. If you hadn’t jumped in front of me, he would’ve killed—”