Stop it! Go away! My demand didn't always work, but I tried hard to stamp out that part of me.
After taking a few breaths to recenter myself, my piqued curiosity led me to open doors, finding a coat closet that stood empty other than a few wooden hangers and a black and white umbrella.
Another door led to a half-bath, the white porcelain toilet and sink offset by black tiles, all pristinely clean. There were two other doors on opposite sides of the room, the one on the right leading to an opulent bedroom done in navy with the same carpeting as the main area. Heavy brocade curtains and a king-sized bed with matching nightstands took up the majority of the space. A closet—nearly a walk-in—was filled with suits, polished shoes, ties, a few other casual items, and a suitcase set stored on the shelves above.
Confused about why it appeared he really might be living here, I closed the door to open the other, my eyes immediately rounding in surprise. The bathroom was a study of decadence, with a sunken tub done in tile, a shower stall next to it, and an honest to God water closet for the toilet. The vanity with the sink was nearly overshadowed by a gargantuan mirror whose reflective surface encompassed the entire room. I was sure I’d never been jealous of a man’s bathroom, but I was already trying to come up with a reason to play in that tub like a kid eager to run into the little waves their first time at the beach.
Reluctantly, I left the bathroom of my fantasies to check out the last door. At the click of the latch, Dirk glanced up from his chair to give me an absent grin, more a quick quirk of his lips, before returning to his task. I took that as my go ahead to keep exploring, although it hadn’t crossed my mind that I was intruding. At least not until I felt he gave his permission. I frowned at the thought but lost it when the door opened onto another bedroom, this one done just as fabulously as the other, but in mauve instead of the dark navy. I didn’t even bother with the closet, heading straight for the door that mirrored the set-up of the other. And yes, there was a near replica of the same bathroom. My squeal of excitement couldn’t be contained. The room had to be for me.
Right?Fuck, I hoped so. I’d be devastated to stay here and not get the opportunity to play in the tub, but to find out someone else was staying here? I’d hurt him. No question about it. I ignored the little voice that whispered that he was using me for a good time.
Intent to discover if he had company at this swanky hotel, I went to the closet and yanked it open, only to find a single dress with matching underthings next to it on a hanger. I snatched my reaching hand back at the voice behind me.
“Do you like it? I tried to describe what I thought you’d want to the shop attendant.”
I spun on a heel to face Dirk with wide eyes. “This is for me?”
At his nod, I turned back to the closet, pulling the dress out to walk it over to the bed. It was a little black dress only in the manner of its color and length. The rest was all gothic Victorian lace meets seventies simplicity. An inner lining of what I thought to be black silk, overlayed with soft lace, started with a high neckline that would sit midway up my throat, went down to a sleeveless, fitted empire bodice, then it transitioned into a bell shape that would float around me down to my thighs. I wasn’t sure it was me, but it was beautiful nonetheless. Giving Dirk a shy smile, I spoke even while that voice told me the dress was proof he didn't want me as I was.
“It’s lovely, thank you." Unsure whether to go to him for a more personal thanks or stay where I was after earlier’s odd interlude, I let my gaze drift to the floor, shoulders stiff with awkwardness. Several nonsensical sounds escaped my mouth in an attempt to vocalize my predicament. Face flaming with embarrassment, my eyes widened as Dirk's shined shoes came into my field of vision. With a crooked finger, he reached out to put pressure under my chin, and I reluctantly allowed him to draw my face and gaze up to his.
"Shelby, darling, what's going on? If you don't care for the dress, I can have something else more to your liking brought up." Concern in his voice matched the emotion in his eyes. The voice insisted his offer was a test. Balling my hands into fists, I ignored that damn voice and forced the words past the constriction in my throat.
"It's beautiful, Dirk. I'm just feeling overwhelmed, and..." I took a deep breath and allowed my eyes to flutter closed. I couldn't stand the thought of seeing the pity I feared was coming, but the room and the employees and everything back home just compiled into one plain truth. I was out of my element and just not good enough to be with the man—no matter how badly I wanted him. The voice, sounding more and more like Mama, hissed that I didn't meet his standards.
In a husky whisper, my shame came out in all its tawdry glory. "Mama wasn't happy about me leaving with you. Well, she hasn’t been happy about me dating you at all. I think she might have meant it tonight when she told me not to come back." My voice cracked on the last bit, making my mortification complete.
I pulled my chin away, stepping back to steel myself for whatever was coming. My mind screamed that I was making a mistake. No man wanted this kind of baggage on a date. The thought never entered my mind that he cared enough to want to fix my problems, not this early in a relationship anyway.
"Why didn't you say something sooner? We don't have to go out tonight. Do you need to make arrangements to pack your belongings?"
I wanted to fall through the floor and disappear, regardless of the fact that it would decimate the small amount of savings I had to get back to my little town. "I'm not sure what I'm going to do yet," I hedged. There was no way I could tell him that I was essentially homeless if Mama wouldn't let me go back. Headstrong and impulsive decisions had always been the bane of my life, getting me into countless hours of trouble. "Can we just pretend I never said anything and continue with our weekend?"
At first, Dirk seemed displeased with my answer and subsequent request, but his expression cleared with a nod before he continued on as if nothing was wrong. “Of course, darling, whatever you’d like.” I waited for more, but he just looked from me to the dress expectantly. “Are you going to try it on?”
Flushing, I stammered out, “Of-of course.” I fiddled with the hem of my shirt, waiting for him to leave, but this time he didn’t. He stood there and stared, almost clinically, as my white-knuckled hands gripped the material and inched it up my body to expose my slim but lightly toned midriff.
When I realized he really wasn’t leaving, I tore it off and thanked goodness my bra was at least pretty, even if it had been a clearance buy. My actions were a bit slow and jerky as my shoes and then pants came off. I wasn’t quite brave enough to shuck my underwear off in front of him yet, and my self-consciousness was clear in my rounded shoulders and crossed arms.
Dirk eyed me up and down, from my unpainted toes all the way up to my uncertain gaze peeking up at him from beneath lowered lashes. I hoped he didn’t care that I didn’t have the polish of his usual conquests. Slowly, I gathered my courage to straighten my back and hold my chin high, ignoring the nagging in my head that I couldn't measure up.
A flare of desire lit Dirk’s icy gaze, and he seemed to shake himself from some internal debate before he made a move for the door.
“I’ll leave you to get dressed then. Yell if you need me.”
A moment later, he was gone with the quiet click of the door latching behind him. For a moment, I’d been sure he would let his proper and rigid demeanor slip and suggest we stay in bed instead of going to dinner. A sigh escaped my lips as I retrieved the soft lacy undergarments from the closet—I needed to get my head on straight before my imagination and insecurity ruined my relationship. Just because the man was reserved and circumspect didn’t mean he didn’t care or wasn’t interested.