The tips of my ears were burning red. I was sure of it. It was so obvious that I’d been eavesdropping that I expected Flora to say something about it, but she didn’t. She just kept up the pleasant chatter as we walked to my treatment room. She got me all set up, and as I sunk into the dim twilight light inside my head to let the treatments work, I picked over everything Norris had said to Victoria.
What had he meant about where he came from, and what was there to find out about Victoria? I could let it slide since it all seemed to resolve itself, even if there was no concrete explanation. I could forget about everything because there were so many bigger problems facing me as somebody with massive gaps in their memory surviving in this strange world.
But, of course, despite being told over and over that I was nothing more than a polite Upper woman with a lifetime of good manners and even better breeding to keep me in my place, I wasn’t like that. My dark heart beat a rhythm that kept me outside the lines, and I wouldn’t be content until I discovered the answers on my own.
CHAPTER17
I did letit slide after that because the next day, we left for Alexander’s estate to spend our winter break.
We were free at last. At least it felt that way. My parents hadn’t even bothered to respond to my message about staying with Alexander. They had simply gotten their house manager to write me a note letting me know they weren’t going to be home for the holidays anyway, and they would have my gifts sent ahead to his estate.
“I don’t think I ever had parents,” I told the group as we were waiting on the helipad for Alexander’s family helicopter to pick us up. I was holding the note that I’d gotten just as I was leaving my dorm. “I know there are big holes where my parents should be, but I have this overwhelming sense that I was an orphan. Or at least I felt like one.”
“That’s not uncommon with Upper children,” Rome said, putting his shoulder around me in comfort. “I don’t think most of us know our parents, truly. I’ve seen Alexander’s father more than my own, and I was essentially raised by Lower nannies.”
“We’re very close to our families,” Luke said, and Harlow nodded. “I mean in general, of course. Some families are real dicks, but you can always find your people on the streets if you need to. Lowers value connection and communities.”
“Lucky you,” I said. “I feel like I never had parents and was so excited to wake up to a family. And then I got this, parents who don’t seem to want me. Why did they even have me?”
“It’s expected,” Alexander said. “It’s socially unacceptable to not have children. You would lose a lot of power if you don’t have at least one, but no more than three.”
“Lower families have big families,” Harlow said. “We don’t care about social power, I guess.”
“Your power is your children,” I said, musing about the society I was part of but had no connection to. “If you don’t have money, have children. Isn’t that a saying?”
“No,” Alexander replied. “It’s close to a common saying that goes something like if you don’t have money, then don’t burden your children. That means you shouldn’t have any if you’re poor, but the opposite happens, so apparently, nobody is listening to it anyway.”
I laughed and said, “Everything still feels so strange to me. I’m sorry if I act like a complete and utter maniac while on our break. I can’t help myself.”
“As long as you have enough medication to get you through,” Rome said. “I don’t want to worry about you getting sick. I already worry about you as it is.”
“Why?” I asked, my head jolting up at his words. I hadn’t ever considered that any of them worried about me. I didn’t think they thought about me at all, actually.
“You’re still not you,” he said with an embarrassed grimace. “You still don’t seem like the old Willow.”
“Would the old Willow let us follow her and Alexander on break?” Luke asked with a grin. “I, for one, am grateful for the new Willow.”
“Yes, now Luke and I don’t have to sneak around behind Alexander’s back,” I laughed again, feeling free and joyful at how my life was going.
But then a dark cloud seemed to pass over the sun, and Alexander stiffened up, going completely rigid as his gorgeous face went stone cold. Like when I’d first met him, smirking and arrogant and so detached from me.
“Sneaking around?” he hissed.
At that moment, we heard helicopter blades whirring just at the tree line, and it rose up to hover above us for a moment, drowning out anything any of us were yelling.
I was trying to tell Alexander that I didn’t really know if we were and if Luke and I had been hooking up. It wasn’t such a big deal because we’d never done it as far as I knew. At least in this world, inside my head, I’d been a little whore for Rome and Luke, both of them but not together.
Alexander was furious. His face screwed up in an ugly mask of rage.
Harlow was holding his arm, holding him back from saying or doing anything that could hurt any of us.
Luke was apologizing. That much was clear. He liked Alexander now, and he didn’t like that we’d hurt him.
And Rome was confused as hell. He loved all of us in his big-hearted Roman way, with deep end honesty and authenticity that made this moment hardest on him, from what I could tell.
But as the helicopter touched down and a flight hostess opened the door for us to board, we all fell silent. Alexander climbed up first, I followed him, and everybody came after. Luke was last and hesitated before stepping up. I wondered if he’d thought about bolting. Running back to the college so he could spend the break alone instead of having to deal with Alexander’s wrath.
Once inside, after the hostess closed the door behind us, it was very quiet. I could barely hear the rotors at all as we lifted off. We were all seated in buttery soft leather chairs across from each other. Harlow and I were on one side, and the men were on the other. Alexander was directly across from me, Rome was in the middle, and Luke was at the end.