“Why did they take me?” Penny groaned and her voice sounded better, but still broken. “Are they going to hurt me?”
“I don’t know,” I said, and the tears spilled down my cheeks then. “I’m so, so sorry.”
“I should have listened to my Mom,” Penny wailed. “She said you were different, that you were a bad influence. Now you’re going to get me killed. Oh my god, Everly, you’re going to get me killed!”
“I’m sorry!” I said again, but Penny didn’t respond this time. The silence felt like a tomb, like they had piled stones on top of me until I was removed from the world. Until nothing could get to me, not even the outside noise.
I fell on my knees next to the door and held the bars in my hands, shivered in the cold and let the tears flow until my body was spent and I could cry no more. The full horror of my circumstances were almost too much to bear, and I felt like this was the end of the line for me. I was done, I had failed, and I would never be seen again.
I slowly fell to the floor and curled up next to the door until sleep overtook me and dragged me into the darkness. Outside, the world was quiet, and the sky was filled with stars. None of it mattered anymore. I was sure I’d never see any of them again.
* * *
I wokein complete darkness and heard Penny crying. She was sobbing quietly, but in the silence of the prison, I could hear her clearly.
“Penny? Are you okay?” I asked.
“What do you think? Do you think I’m okay?” she replied, and her voice was torn apart with distressed emotion.
“I mean, are you hurt?” I said, trying to swallow my guilt so I could be there for my friend. Wallowing in self-pity would not help her right then, so I sucked it up and focused on getting her back on track.
“No, not really,” she said and sniffled loudly. “I’m just scared, I guess. I’m sorry I freaked out on you earlier.”
“Don’t be sorry,” I said. “This is all my fault. I’m going to do whatever it takes to get you out of here.”
“It’s not though, not really,” she said absently, as if she hadn’t heard me.
“What’s not?” I asked.
“This isn’t your fault. Think about it, this is the fault of the people who wanted you. It’s the Organization’s fault. They did all of this because they’re greedy, bored, old fuckers,” she said, and I heard her grow stronger with each word. There was nothing that fired Penny up more than injustice, and like me, she needed to tuck her misery away in order to survive.
I was so happy to hear her angry about it. And I agreed, mostly. “I shouldn’t have told you, though,” I replied.
“How did you know this would happen? It’s not like there’s a handbook for girls who are stolen by the Organization kicking around out there. We’re all just doing our best in a horrible situation Everly. Try to remember that,” she said.
“Thank you,” I replied. “I needed to hear that. I feel like I’m in over my head. Hell, I feel like I’m actually drowning here. I haven’t made the right choice since that night of the party and it feels like everything I do leads to disaster.”
“Maybe do the opposite of what you think you should do,” Penny said. “Like if you feel like jumping is the correct response, maybe you should duck next time.”
I laughed and sat up straight. Penny’s voice was energizing me. It was exactly what I needed. I hoped I was doing the same for her. “I’ll try to keep that in mind. But if I get the urge to shoot somebody in the face, I’m not turning the gun on myself.”
I grinned and waited for her response.
“No, that’s not the opposite of shooting them in the face,” she replied.
“Then what is?” I asked.
“Shooting them in the dick, of course,” she giggled. “Pop, pop, pop, get them where it really hurts.”
Her gun impression was pretty bad, and it left me in breathless giggles. We went on describing various ways of murdering our captors, and despite the dark subject, we both agreed we felt lighter just talking about it.
By the time our talk fizzled out and we got back to quiet, the light was showing in the window at the top of my wall. I stood up and stretched, then crossed to the bed and reluctantly sat on the edge of the mattress.
It felt like giving up, accepting their offering of a luxurious bed with lush blankets and thick, soft pillows. I couldn’t help myself, though, I was bone tired and so cold that everything ached from the inside out. I needed to sleep and I need comfort.
I slipped between the silky sheets and pulled the thick blankets over me. I sighed and fought the fatigue that washed over me.
I worried it would be like Persephone in the underworld. If I accepted anything from the Organization, I would be doomed to stay here forever. But I was too exhausted and cold to keep sleeping on the floor, and I wanted to keep up my strength to fight when the time came.