“Why?” I asked.
“The Organization wanted you broken, and we were taught how to do it,” Archer said.
“I didn’t expect to love you again so much,” Kingston said. “I thought you abandoned me and that you were, you know, with my father. I was so hurt that I turned it to anger and directed it towards you. I’m so sorry for that.”
They all apologized to me, and I knew with every fiber of my being that they weren’t guilty of any of it, especially not arranging what happened to Penny.
Still, the way I’d acted had been deplorable. I’d panicked when I saw what happened, and obviously somewhere in the back of my mind I believed that not knowing was better than facing your demons head on. Somewhere my own assaults had been recorded in my mind, and I’d protected my own fragile mental state by hiding them. And then I’d done the same thing to my friend.
Was it fair? No, now that I knew what had happened to me, I could see how much I’d taken from her. But I’d done it out of love, and from the only place I knew. The place where I’d existed up until the moment I shot Reg.
So I would have to see her soon, to talk to her and find out if she was okay. To ask about the abortion, and apologize for everything I’d done. To beg her forgiveness.
And then, I’d tell her everything about that night even if it broke her. Because she deserved to know, just like I deserved to know what Reg and his friend had done to me.
The Kings surrounded me with their bodies and their love and I leaned into it heavily. I let them hold me, collectively and one by one, until my pain was receding and my confusion was clearing up.
But eventually, it all had to end. I had to go back to the twisted reality of my life as a payment for my unknown father’s debt, and pretend everything was back to normal when it was the absolute opposite.
My world was on fire and I was expected to sit upright with a bow in my hair and a pretty smile on my face even as the flames licked at my feet.