“You’re happy?” she asked.
“Of course I am,” I said. “I’m thrilled. I—” I frowned. “Wait, it is mine, right?”
She laughed. “Yes, it’s yours.”
I pulled her into a tight hug. “Then I’m the happiest man on the planet. I’ve always wanted a family, and I am so,soglad to be starting one with you.” Then, I remembered what had been going on up until that point, and I sat down a few inches away from her. “But hang on, areyouhappy?”
She pointed to her face, which was a mess of tears and ruined make-up. “Don’t I look happy?”
This made me chuckle, and I waited for her to go on. She sighed and started to pick at the hem of her skirt. “I wanted to be happy,” she said. “When I first found out, that is. But honestly, I’ve just been so scared. I only got the test result a few days ago, and ever since then, I’ve been trying to pretend like none of it was real. Then today—I don’t know, something just clicked. I couldn’t deny the truth anymore, but facing it was too hard. It’s quite… terrifying.”
“Sure,” I said. “Every new parent feels terrified but—”
“It’s more than that,” she said. “This isn’t how it was supposed to happen. I had all these plans, and everything was going to be perfect. Instead, everything is all wrong, and I feel like a total failure. This kid doesn’t want a mom like me.”
“Don’t say that. You’re going to be an amazing mother.”
“Still,” she said. “It won’t be enough. Kids with parents who hate each other never turn out okay.”
“First of all,” I said. “I’m not sure that’s true. And second of all, what the hell are you talking about? We don’t hate each other! At least, I don’t hate you. Do you hate me?”
She laughed. “Oh, c’mon,” she said. “You’ve been ignoring me forweeks. I’ve tried to talk to you in the office countless times, and you always find an excuse to get away from me. Not to mention, when we first started working together, we were at each other’s throats all the time. We have strong feelings for one another, and I’m not sure they are good ones.”
I shook my head and looked away from her for a moment, trying to figure out how to talk about what I’d heard her saying on the phone a while back. It still hurt to remember, and I was more than a little embarrassed having to recount such an emotional slap to the face, but I powered through anyway.
“You’re right,” I said. “I have been ignoring you. And I’m sorry. It was an immature decision and not the best way to handle what I was going through.”
“Which was what exactly?” she asked. “What were you going through?”
“Heartbreak,” I said.
“Heartbreak?”
I laughed softly and then looked at her dead-on. “A month ago, the day that I adopted Rica, I was coming to your office to see if you wanted to go to the humane society with me, and your door was open. You were on the phone with somebody, and I heard you say that you were going to call things off between us. You said you didn’t want to be my girlfriend or maybe that you didn’t want me to be your boyfriend, I don’t know. The details are a little fuzzy, but I just remember you were so casual about it. Acting like what was going on with us was nothing, that I was just some guy you had sex with, so who cares where things go or didn’t go between us? I heard you say all of that, and it hurt.”
Her eyebrows went up in a sad sort of frown as I told her this. Then, she was quiet for a few seconds before reaching out and taking my hand in hers.
“That was fear talking,” she said. “That night that we spent here in my apartment, I realized I—” She looked down. “I realized that I was falling in love with you. At first, it was a wonderful feeling. I never wanted it to go away. Then, something happened, I saw a post from my ex-fiancé, and it just put me right back in the place I was when I found out he was cheating. I felt like a fool for letting myself get so attached to you, and I decided to pull away before you could break my heart.”
“I wasn’t going to break your heart…”
She smiled. “I know that now. And I changed my mind, by the way. Just a few hours after I hung up with Michelle when you came back to the office with your cute new dog and food for everyone, I started to think that I was making a big mistake by calling things off, and I decided not to give in to my fears. But then you started ignoring me and I just thought… well, here’s the proof. Here’s all the evidence I needed to tell me that I was right to be afraid.”
I exhaled loudly and pulled her hand to my heart. “I’m sorry,” I said again. “I didn’t mean to make you feel like that. I thought you were done with me, so I tried my best to be done with you.” I laughed. “Clearly, it didn’t work, since the moment I heard you might be in trouble, I came running as fast as I possibly could.”
She smiled. “I’m glad you did.”
“I am too.” I held her gaze for a moment, taking my free hand and using it to cup the side of her face. “Lily, I love you.”
“I love you too, David,” she said.
And then I kissed her.
She kissed me back, and soon we were both on the floor making out and pulling at each other’s clothes. Hers came off quicker than mine, which told me just how eager she was. I felt the same way. I had been dreaming about her almost every night since we’d last been together, and it had been tearing me apart not being able to touch her, not being able to give her the type of pleasure she deserved.
There, on the hardwood floor of her apartment, I ran my hands along her naked body and kissed nearly every inch of her beautiful skin. I licked her, fingered her. I did all I could to make her feel evenone-tenthof how good she made me feel just by telling me she loved me. She smelled like the flowery lotion that I knew she kept on her desk, and her hair was clean and soft like she’d recently washed it. I could tell, by a few of the movements she made, that she wanted me to penetrate her, but I wanted her to wait.
“Just let me take my time,” I said to her. “I’ve been waiting so long to have you in my arms again. I don’t want to rush it.”