“Tomorrow,” I agreed, laughing along with him.
“Great. It’s a date.” He let go of me and kissed me once more on the cheek before putting his coat on and heading for the door. “Until then,” he said. “I’ll be thinking of you.” He smiled as he reached for the door handle, then said, “Goodnight, Lily.”
“Goodnight, David.”
He left, and when I heard the door close behind him, I let out a long sigh and rested my weight against the kitchen counter.
“I’m in trouble,” I said to myself. “Real bigtrouble.”
* * *
I knew I should’ve gone to bed, but I was a little too wired from everything that happened with David to sleep. I laid down looking at my phone for a while and made the mistake of going to Bret’s social media page and looking at what my ex-fiancé had been up to these last six months. I had unfriended him for my sanity, but his page was public so anyone could see what he’d been posting.
The latest photo was posted a couple of weeks ago, and it was him standing in the middle of what appeared to be a tropical forest. He had his shirt off, and he looked like he’d been hiking for miles based on the sweat on his body and the dirt on his boots. He was grinning ear to ear and holding up a big thumbs up to whoever was taking the photo.
In all honesty, he looked good. And he looked happy. And I was happyforhim, right up until the moment I read the caption that he included with the photo.
“Feels so good to be out doing my own thing,” he wrote. “Costa Rica is such a beautiful place, and the people here have all been wonderful hosts. I have gotten to know myself better since I started hiking some of the peaks down here, and what I’ve come to realize is that a lot of the things I went through this last year are not my fault. Sure, I have made mistakes. We all have, we are all human and humans mess up from time to time. And while I feel bad for causing some people in my life pain, I am not going to feel bad for having done what was right for me. Like a caged animal, I felt trapped and lashed out as a means of looking for an escape. Was it the best way to handle things? Maybe not, but at the time it seemed like my only option. Anyway, enough of my rambling, I’ve got some more hiking to do. Take care of yourself, and don’t be afraid to walk away from something that’s not right for you.”
He followed up the text with a heart emoji and that was it.
I curled my fingers so tightly around my phone, that if I had been a little stronger, I think I could’ve actually broken it. That’s how much rage was coursing through my veins at that moment. This post was obviously about me and about our marriage, and anyone who knew even half the story of what happened between us would understand what he was alluding to. How could he say such things? How could he act as if he was the victim in all of this? He cheated on me! He betrayed my trust, but here he was saying he didn’t think he’d done anything wrong. I was outraged.
He was twisting the narrative around to make it seem as if I had somehow ‘trapped’ him in our relationship. This was exactly what he did in San Diego when he turned everyone I worked with against me by telling his version of the story—which I gathered through context was nothing like what actually happened.
He was a liar, and he didn’t give a shit how badly something like this might hurt me. Just like he didn’t give a shit how it might’ve hurt me when he cheated on me. Suddenly, the anger I was feeling started to melt into sadness, and I found myself crying and gasping for breath sitting up in bed, as a wave of devastation crashed over me.
I thought I was over him, I thought I had moved on from all of this, but here he goes again making me feel all the pain I felt six months ago.
This,I thought.This is what a broken heart feels like.
I was reminded then just how much it hurt to go through a bad break-up, and with that memory, I recalled exactly why I had sworn off men and dating in the first place. I wasn’t ready to feel all these sorts of things again. Not in the slightest.
I put my phone away and got up to grab some tissues from the bathroom, and while I was in there, I switched the light on and looked at myself in the mirror. “You have to end things with David,” I said. “It’s the only way to truly protect yourself.”
I nodded at my reflection and then went back to bed, where I spent the whole night trying to come up with the best way to cut things off with the man that I had just realized, earlier that night, I was falling in love with.
ChapterSixteen
DAVID
Ifelt like I was walking on air when I went home that night.
Instead of going back to the office and picking up my car, I decided to take an Uber. And then when we got stuck behind a late-night car accident a few blocks from my home, I told the guy I would pay him for the rest of the ride but that I was going to walk. From there, I took my time, strolling along the dark, quiet streets of San Francisco, thinking about Lily and the night we’d spent together.
She made me so happy.
There was no other way to describe it. I could go into details if someone asked, but the main reason I was riding such a high was that she simply made me happy, and it had been a long time since I’d felt happiness. At least, in its purest form. I’d had moments of true happiness over the years, it hadn’t all been bad, but this was different. She gave me hope, she made me think that my life didn’t have to be so miserable all the time. And that—that was just about the best gift someone could’ve given me.
I was so determined to keep this happiness flowing through me, that when I got home, I didn’t go straight to bed. Instead, I logged onto the local humane society website and started looking through all the dogs that were available for adoption. Ever since Lily suggested I get another dog, I hadn’t been able to shake the idea, and I knew adopting a dog would force me to take a step back from work in a way I’d been thinking about doing for years now. I could stop working overtime, start taking some real vacations and just generally find ways to enjoy my life outside of the office.
Lily was one way I was enjoying my time, and maybe taking Gigi, the corgi-mix, to the park would be another way. Or perhaps Henry, the greyhound, was the dog for me. I didn’t have a preference, I just wanted a companion, someone to come home to.
I ended up filling out the online adoption application that night and sending it in to be reviewed. If they thought I was fit to take care of a dog, then I was told they would be in contact soon, and I could set up an appointment to come meet the pups in person. I would choose from there which one was right for me.
Maybe Lily will want to go with me. She could help me find the right one.
With that idea bringing new comfort and excitement into my life, I ran upstairs and got ready for bed, once again excited to wake up the next day and head to work.