“He came into my office this morning and we talked, and I think he and I know exactly what we’re doing.”
“Which is what?”
“It’s an office fling,” I said. “He made it very clear when we talked this morning that he wants us to hook up again, and since that’s something I want too, I made sure he knew where I was at before he left.”
“And that’s all you want?” she asked. “Just sex, nothing more?”
I didn’t answer right away. It wasn’t that the question caught me off guard so much as that it was a question I had hoped she wouldn’t ask. I had gone back and forth a few times that weekend, wondering whether or not I thought there was anything more than physical attraction between David and I, but I hadn’t landed on either side of the argument firmly.
“Well?” Michelle said.
Then, I thought of a truthful answer. “For now, this is all I want.”
“Okay, and does he know that? Did this chat the two of you had this morning tell you anything about what he wants going forward—besides sex, I mean, but that goes without saying.”
“Er—no. Not really. I guess I should’ve been more clear with you. When I said we talked things over, I didn’t mean we said anything directly about the hook-up. We just talked about work, but then he asked me to stay late, and I could tell from the way he said it that he had more than just paperwork in mind.”
“So, what you’re saying is that you two didn’t have a conversation about this at all?” She laughed. “Oh honey, this is not good. You two are on a bullet train towards heartache, I can tell you that right now.”
I sat up straighter and moved the phone to my other ear. “How can you say that? We both want sex, and we are going to have sex. What’s the problem?”
“You’re just assuming that’s all he wants since he didn’t say anything about what he’s looking for. Theonlyway a workplace fling can work is if both people know exactly what they want, if they know exactly what the other person wants, and if those wants are compatible. Otherwise, things get messy. Really fast. Now, I’m not saying messy is bad—in fact, I kind of like messy. You know me, the more mess the more fun, but you’re not that kind of girl, Lily. You’re the kind of girl who color-coordinates her sock drawer.”
“It’s just easier that way!” I said. “Then I don’t have to go digging around in the morning looking for socks that match my outfit.” I groaned. “You know what? We’re not talking about that, we’re talking about David and me. You don’t think I’m capable of keeping things casual with him, do you? You think I am wound too tight to just have fun and see where things go.”
“I didn’t say that.”
“But it’s what you’re thinking.”
She made a clicking sound with her tongue. “Look, I just want you to be careful, that’s all. I don’t want you to get your heart broken. But if you’re telling me that you know what you’re doing, that you know what you want, then I say go for it. The sex is obviously not bad, otherwise, you wouldn’t be taking such a big risk, and so I think you should get it while it’s good. But make sure you take care of yourself in the meantime, okay?”
“I will!” I winced. “Just as soon as you tell me the best way to go about doing that. You were right when you said I knew what I wanted, but maybe a little wrong when you said I knew what I was doing. I want to keep sleeping with David, and I know that’s what he wants too, but how do I make sure that I don’t get too attached or anything? How do I keep feelings out of it and ensure that this stays casual and fun?”
“You’ve come to the right place,” Michelle said. “I am an expert in such matters. The first thing you have to do is not be too available. David needs to know that you are his fuck buddy, but not his booty call, there’s a difference.”
“There is?”
She laughed. “Oh yeah, there is. A fuck buddy is someone you respect, someone you would have a conversation with if you saw them at the farmers market, and who also happens to be someone you have sex with now and then. A booty call is someone you only call in the middle of the night, and if you see them in public, you both keep your heads down and keep walking.”
“I don’t want to be a booty call then.”
“Of course not. So, that means you have to show him that he still has to work for it. He still has to respect you, he has to respect your time, and the best way to make that happen is to be distant for a while. Think about it like this, do you have any casual friendships?”
“I do, actually,” I said. “I’m sorta friends with my building manager.”
“Great,” Michelle said. “Now think of that relationship. When was the last time you hung out with her?”
“A couple of weeks ago, we got drinks.”
“And when was the last time you saw her?”
“In the lobby of the building, yesterday, while I was grabbing my mail.”
“Exactly,” Michelle said. “You two see each other in the hallway, everything is casual, normal, but it’s not like you’re trying to be her best friend. You’re not trying to hang out with her all the time. You’re not the one she calls when she’s crying and her boyfriend just dumped her, and you don’t text her when you’ve had a bad day at work and need to vent. That’s best friend territory, not casual friend territory. Now, apply that logic to this thing with David. You just hooked up with him on Friday, don’t you think it’s a little too soon to be hooking up again?”
I slowly nodded my head. If I wanted to keep things casual, I needed to be less eager.
“Cancel my plans with him tonight,” I said. “That way he knows that I’m not just going to be sitting around the office all the time, waiting for him to come make time for me in his busy schedule.”