Magical, mysterious, overflowing. For the first time in my life, it feels like everything is finally falling into place. My mother is doing better at taking care of herself. I’m nailing this business proposal. Which means, even if I don’t get the apprenticeship, I’ll have this to fall back on.
The only thing missing from my life is Zach.
I talk to him on the phone, and text him throughout the day, but it’s been over a week, and we still haven’t seen each other. The big news he’d been dying to tell me was never revisited. He simply skirted around the idea and said it was something we would need to discuss in person. And since I have yet to see him face-to-face in all that time, I’m beginning to doubt I ever will.
“Thank you for all your help, Marianne,” I say. I couldn’t have done all of this without her showing me what to do.
“Of course.” Her bright smile fills her face. “Do you know when you’re supposed to hear back from the committee?”
I shake my head. “About a week, maybe? I’m not sure. I submitted it yesterday and received a message back saying that it might be about that long.”
Zach emailed me the day we were supposed to meet for the final revisions, a week after our night together. He mentioned some vague emergency in the family, which prevented us from meeting in person. Red flag number one. Then he explained that there weren’t any recommendations for improving the proposal and that I should just submit it as is. I did my own last-second adjustments before sending it, but I’m still not one hundred percent sure it’s going to wow the committee.
I created something amazing. I am doing something amazing. That’s all that matters.
At the end of the day, this project is happening. With or without the board’s approval. But something still feels off with Zach, and I can’t seem to place my finger on it. He’s been avoiding me. At least face to face. Otherwise, I hear from him every day. It can’t technically be considered ghosting if he’s still texting me on a daily basis. Can it?
“What’s wrong?” Marianne asks suddenly, noticing the sudden change in my demeanor.
“Nothing. It’s nothing.”
“Sweetheart. I know that look.” She wags a finger out in front of her. “What’s that dog done to you this time?”
“He hasn’t done anything,” I explain, then grumble under my breath. “That’s kind of the problem.”
Marianne narrows her eyes, a small “v” forming at the center of her forehead. She cocks her head to the side and purses her lips. “Have you talked to him?”
“Yes. I’ve talked to him. Just not face-to-face. He always makes some excuse for why we can’t meet.” This conversation makes no sense to have with Marianne. Even though she claims to like me as an individual, she doesn’t like me dating a man whom she treats like her brother. She hasn’t said it in so many words, and she definitely hasn’t hinted at it recently. Maybe she’s slowly warming up to the idea. But it still doesn’t make this discussion any less awkward.
“I don’t want to approach him at the end of class or in his office,” I add. “We’ve both decided that’s not going to work if we want to keep things quiet for now. But then when are we supposed to have a real conversation?”
We’re right back to where we started. Keeping one another at a distance until the semester is over. Or until one of us finally cracks and moves on.
If this was his way of stringing me along, he’s doing an excellent job so far. He might have only made love to me to keep me on the back burner, there just in case he needed me at the end of the semester. I didn’t give him much of a choice. It was either give me what I want, or I’m moving on.
It’s not like I have a line of suitors outside my door ready to take me on the sexual thrill of a lifetime. It’s not like I even wanted to start dating before meeting Zach, but I want the option. If Zach isn’t going to be there for me, isn’t going to be beating down my door to spend time with me, then why am I bothering with him at all?
Because you’re in love with him.
No! I can’t be in love with him. I’ve only known him for a few weeks. And most of that time he’s spent ignoring me.
“I don’t know,” Marianne says. “Derek would know more about that than me. All I know is Zach hasn’t been himself lately. He hasn’t even been by to visit us for a while, and he’s usually here twice a week.”
As if on cue, Derek emerges from the other room. His dark brown eyes examine us like rare, unsettling specimens found in the dark corners of the zoo. “What are you two talking about?”
Marianne turns her face up toward him. “Do you know what’s going on with Zach, lately?”
Derek jolts as though electrocuted and then presses a hand into his thigh. His long fingers reach into his pocket and extract his phone. “Ooo! Sorry, honey. I’ve got to take this call.”
Marianne and I sigh in unison. I am content to let Derek walk away with his secrets, but Marianne is not so easily dissuaded. “Hold it. Hold it. Hold it. Derek Philip Michael Beaucoudray. You better get back over here.”
Derek only stares, the look of a child caught in an outlandish lie. He shoves the phone back into his pocket and saunters over, shuffling his feet and pretending indignance. “Damn, she had to go for the quadruple name slam.”
I laugh.
Marianne only rolls her eyes and asks, “What do you know?”
“I don’t know much.” Derek shakes his head, completely serious again and looking more confused than secretive. He faces me. “I just know Zach likes you. I mean, really likes you. He’s just got a lot going on right now.”