With Rae, though, I’m always questioning myself if I’m getting it right, but with her background I’m sure she’s used to people leaving. I might not be used to chasing, but my patience is usually unmatched. I could do this for months if I have to.
That was until she showed up in that dress. She even has all of her blond hair down. One side is pinned up with a damn bow. It’s adorable. A word I’ve never used until her. She looks like a walking ray of sunshine, luring people in with her light. But I want to be the only one that basks in it.
Her eyes lock with mine. Then she does the last thing I expect. She starts to run but not away from me—toward me. I’m not often shocked. Who am I kidding? I’m never shocked, but all I can do is stand there and watch her make her way to where she belongs. When she is only a few feet away, she flings herself at me.
I catch her easily in my arms, and then she kisses me. Her mouth is all over my face, peppering me in kisses.
“I’ve missed you. I can’t do this anymore.”
“You don’t have to do anything you do not wish to,” I tell her. “I’m sorry.”
“I bet you don’t say those words often.” She cocks her head to the side, a real smile on her lips, kicking away at that coldness that is always coursing through my veins.
“I’ve enjoyed all my firsts with you.” I need so many more. It’s all I can think about anymore.
“Ivan.” Her cheeks start to turn pink. “I’m sorry too. I should have—”
“You did what you needed to, Sunshine. I get that I’m intense and didn’t tell you everything that I should have.”
“You thought I’d judge you because of the things JJ has told me.” She runs her hand down the side of my hard jaw. The simplest of touches from her always rocks me to my core.
“I know now you’re not that kind of person. You give everyone the benefit of the doubt.” She starts to speak, but I keep going. “Oh, I know you would have given me a hard time, but slowly you’d give me a chance if I showed you what I could be.”
“What you could be?” She lifts a brow.
“For you. I’m not going to lie to you, Rae; I am a cold man. Often ruthless some say in my world but never with you. You’re different.”
“You know this is all crazy, right? That I’ve somehow become some obsession for you.”
“Obsession is one way to think of it. I thought it was madness. At night I lie in bed and try to figure out what it is about you that I’m so drawn to. I tried to talk myself into leaving when I first got here. I came because of your voice. Then I saw you, and that madness started to unfold. It has taken over inside of me. My mind kept going over it again and again. Until I realized what this might be.”
“What?” Her eyes are wide. She hangs on to my every word. “What is it?”
“I think this is what love is.” The word is foreign to me, but this must be what it is. People say it makes you do crazy things, and if I’ve been anything, it’s fucking crazy lately.
“Ivan,” she breathes.
“Come back with me to my place? I need to be close to you. Please.” I’m ready to do that begging.
“Ivan. I’m in your arms. I think it’s clear I’m forgiving you.” I bury my face in her neck, breathing her in. She gives me a tight squeeze. “I’m here,” she whispers into my ear, and my body relaxes a fraction.
She is in my arms, and I’m never letting go again. Even if I have to cross lines I never thought I would. I’ll cross all of them forever and never look back.
14
Rae
“This place is fancy,” I say as I wander around the condo Ivan brought me to.
“It’s not permanent. I’m not fond of the security here.”
“I just mean it’s a nice place for being in the city.” It’s in the nicest part of the city. I’m not sure how much security one would need here.
“You don’t want to live in the city?” He watches me as I walk around picking things up. The place looks staged, ready for sale or I guess to be rented for a short term. I hear people make a killing on renting out places like this for a few weeks at a time.
“I don’t know how to drive, so being in the city is easy for work. Plus, am I going to move into the suburbs alone?” I laugh. “Not that I could afford it. I’m just saying.”
“Noted,” he responds, and I know that he is really taking note of my words. Is he thinking of us living in the suburbs in a home? He did throw that L word out there. It was mixed with the word madness, but I think Ivan is trying to process all the things he’s feeling. I think he’s gone too long without letting anyone past those icy walls he’s erected all around him. I find I want to melt them all away.