“Is that supposed to make me feel better?” As I say the words, I already know that it does, and I hate it. I hate that out of all people in that group of guys, Q makes me feel like he is the lesser of two evils.
“I don’t really care how you feel. Now, take the fucking blanket and go back to sleep.”
“No.” I shake my head and wrap my arms around my legs so I can rest my cheek on my knees. “Just leave me alone.” The words come out half-hearted, knowing he won’t listen anyway. Still, I close my eyes and hope for the best.
Of course, I was right. He is not going to leave me alone. Instead, he throws the blanket on top of me. Startled, I try to kick it off, but before I can manage, I’m lifted off the floor and pulled onto Q’s lap.
“What the hell are you doing?” I object but stop struggling immediately because I involuntarily rub my ass over his crotch with every move I make.
“Just shut up and go to sleep.”
Stunned into silence, I stay quiet as he wraps the blanket around me and holds me to his chest tightly, cradling me like a small child. I don’t realize how stiff my body is until my muscles start to hurt, shaking with exhaustion, and I’m forced to relax a little.
As soon as I do, I sink deeper into his hold, and I inwardly curse myself for letting this happen. I know it’s a trick, a game he is playing, but I can’t help but grab on to this small amount of comfort. Even if it’s not real. I’m so fucking tired. My body is drained, and all I want to do is sleep.
My eyes flutter shut without my permission, and I let my cheek rest against Q’s chest. He is so warm… and he smells good… I still hate him, though. I hate him for who he is and what he did to me today. I hate him.
“I hope I slobber all over your stupid shirt,” I murmur against his chest, drawing a low chuckle from him. That’s the last thing I remember before falling into a deep, dreamless sleep.
* * *
For the firsttime since I got here, I wake somewhat rested. It takes me a moment to get my bearings and realize where I am. I’m still curled up on the floor, hidden behind my bed, but instead of cold and unbearably uncomfortable, I’m wrapped up in a cocoon of thick blanket, my head resting on a fluffy pillow.
Still slightly disoriented, I look around the room and find it empty. If it wasn’t for the pillow and blanket that smells of him, I would say last night was a dream. I still don’t know why he showed up and pretended to care, but I already know nothing good will come from it.
He said so himself. He isn’t sorry about forcing me to give him a blow job in front of his friends. The memory of that invades my mind, and my stomach churns. He used me to get off before, but no one saw that. It was easier to twist it in my mind and make it into something it wasn’t.
Nothing about what he did to me in front of those guys can be sugarcoated. It was nothing but degrading and violating. I have never felt so used and helpless in my life. I’ve also never experienced so much relief as when he made them stop. Quinton doing what he did to me is bad enough, but Matteo? I don’t think I would have survived his cruel touch.
I try not to read anything into it, knowing Q just doesn’t want to share his new toy. I already know that’s not going to last forever. He might have protected me from Matteo last night, but he won’t do that for long. I’ll need to find a way to protect myself if I’m going to make it another year, month, or day here.
I pull open the nightstand drawer and slide my hand to the back. When my fingers touch the cold metal, I wrap them around the thin chain and pull the bracelet out.
I put it there as soon as I arrived. Over the years, I have often carried it with me, waiting until the moment I could return it to Adela. Since that opportunity hasn’t presented itself yet, I’ve used it as a beacon of hope. A reminder that I’m strong and don’t need to conform. She gave me that bracelet during one of her moments of weakness, and I’ve used it as strength through some of my own.Strength.That thought reminds me that I’m late for PE.
Shit. I shove the bracelet back into its hiding spot. The PE class that is supposed to teach me hand-to-hand combat.Ugh.I want to curl back into this blanket and go to sleep, but I can’t. I can’t skip that class because that’s what they want. They want to break me and make me stay locked in my room to lick my wounds.
Fuck them. The thought gives me enough strength to get up from the floor and throw the blanket and pillow on the empty bed rails. Raising my arms above my head, I give my body a good stretch before going into the bathroom and getting ready for class.
The first thing I notice as I take off my bed shirt is the finger-shaped bruises on my upper arms. I press down on the tender flesh, which is already turning purple. It’s sore, but I’ve experienced worse. These bruises will fade, but the memories of last night won’t. They will linger in the dark corners of my mind forever.
Checking the time on the clock, I realize I’m actually running late and kick my morning routine into high gear. I pull the clothes I hand washed yesterday off the shower rail where they are hanging to dry. I get dressed and slip into my sneakers, pulling my hair into a ponytail as I rush out of the room.
I’m in such a hurry that I don’t even notice the odd stares I get as I pass people. Everyone must have heard about the scene in the cafeteria yesterday because I don’t want to think about the alternative.
At least no one bumps into me on purpose, which is a step up from my average day.
I take the elevator up to the upper level and speed walk into the gym, where the instructor’s already started teaching.
Most students are standing around Quan in a circle, paying attention to what he is telling them. All except Quinton, who I spot leaning casually against the wall, looking bored.
Without even thinking about it, I walk around the other students and right up to him.
He turns his head toward me, raising an eyebrow as I approach. I force my feet to stop, wondering what the hell I’m doing? Why am I walking toward him, like a moth to a flame? I know better than to approach the beast, but here I am, marching right into his trap.
A grin spreads across his face, and he motions for me to come closer.
Shaking my head, I look around the room just as Quan announces, “Okay, partner up.”