He grabs hold of my upper arms and lifts me up a few inches, pulling me toward his lap. Automatically, my hands fly up to brace myself on his legs. His hands move up to the sides of my head. “Open your mouth, and for your own good, keep your teeth to yourself.”
As soon as I do, he pulls my head all the way to his groin, filling my mouth with the tip of his rock-hard erection. He is warm and smooth on my tongue, sliding himself in and out a few times.
“Relax your throat and breath through your nose.” That’s all the warning I get before he pushes my head all the way down. He is at the back of my throat now, making me gag. I instinctively dig my fingers into his thighs, trying to push myself away, but he has a tight grip on me. He keeps thrusting into my throat, making it impossible to breathe. Tears spill out and run down the side of my face. In my panic, my jaw locks up, and my teeth graze on the upper side of his shaft.
“Watch it!” He yanks my head up by my hair and pulls out all the way to let me suck in a deep breath. The pain on my scalp makes me wince, and I panic even more. Closing my eyes, I try to calm myself.
“Look at me,” Ryder orders, but my eyes remain shut. “Look at me,” he repeats, his voice taking on a different tone. Calmer maybe.
I pry my eyes open and stare at him. His eyes look different up close. They are darker and more intense than I’ve ever seen them before. I could get lost in those eyes, maybe not necessarily a good lost, more like a lost in the dark forest, about to get eaten by the wolves.
He holds my gaze while he pushes himself back into my mouth, a little hesitant this time. In and out, a little deeper every time, but never breaking eye contact.
“I think you’d like being my little fuck toy. I bet you are already wet for me.” At his crude words, my thighs press together, and an unfamiliar feeling builds deep in my lower belly.
No! He is wrong, there is no way I like this.
A moment later, he is back at the earlier pace, continually pushing my head up and down, deep-throating me. With my throat more relaxed, I don’t gag or panic like I did before.
He keeps doing that for I don’t know how long. Fucking my mouth relentlessly and only letting me take a few deep breaths in between. By the time he stops and lets go of me, I’m lightheaded and disoriented. I sit back on my heels, swaying to the side. I’m still trying to catch my breath when he gets up, towering over me.
He leans down and grabs me under my arms like an adult would pick up a small child. Pulling me up like I weigh nothing, he throws me onto the bed, making me bounce on the mattress. “Lie on your back and spread your legs.”
I scramble on the bed to do as he says and get on my back. I spread my legs, and to my utter shock, I realize that I am wet down there.
Am I turned on right now?
I’m so out of tune with my body that I don’t even know if I am or not. I don’t have time to linger on the thought. The next thing I know, Ryder is pulling two fingers down my folds, smiling triumphantly. “I knew you would be wet. You like this?”
No!I yell inside my head.
Ryder lowers his head, all the way down until he is between my legs. Before I know it, his tongue is on the most sensitive part of me. The warm, wet sensation is foreign, and I have no idea what to make of it. I expected a beating when I got here. My body hasn’t gotten the memo of this turn of events. I can’t help but expect to be hurt at any minute. Not able to relax, I lie there stiffly, trying to numb myself.
With both of his hands under my thighs, Ryder spreads them even more to get better access. Using his tongue to caress my clit, he sends a weird jolt through my body. It takes everything out of me to not move or make a sound. I push all those unwanted feelings of pleasure away and ban them from my body just as Tommy taught me.
Ryder keeps licking me, using more pressure with every stroke of his tongue, and the feeling in my core intensifies. I have to bite the inside of my cheek to stop myself from making a noise, and I lock up my muscles to stop myself from making my body move.
Ryder straightens up and glares at me. “Well, fuck, now I’m downright offended.” All I can do is stare at his wet, glistening lips.
“I’m sorry,” I say, even though I don’t know what exactly I’m apologizing for.
He shakes his head. “You’re so weird.” He grabs the hem of his shirt and pulls it off in one swift move, revealing a well-defined upper body. My eyes stay glued to his muscular chest and how his muscles flex as he moves.
Suddenly, he’s on top of me, pushing me into the mattress. He is all around me, crowding me in, leaving me no room to breathe. He lays his head next to mine and rests his elbows next to my body, caging me in.
To my annoyance, he smells nice—like clean soap and some kind of masculine spice. I don’t want to find anything nice about him. I need to hate him, and I need that to be the only feeling I have for him because I know that is the only feeling he will ever have for me.
I feel his smooth head nudging at my entrance, making me suck in a sharp breath preemptively. He pushes himself in just a little. Feeling my inner walls struggle to adjust and take him, I do my best to relax. That’s what they always say, right? Just relax, it will hurt less. Just got to relax.
Without warning and with one hard thrust, he buries himself deep inside of me. A pained whimper escapes my throat. The fullness and the pain are almost unbearable. I try to push him off, but he doesn’t move an inch.
“Shh, relax,” he says, almost soothing, but I can’t, not when I’m so confused. Confused by what I’m feeling, and what he is doing to me.
“Did you save yourself for a fairytale prince from one of your stupid books?” His voice is strained and raspy now, like he is holding himself back, only hanging on by a threat. “Or were you just too good for anybody else to spread your legs?” he taunts. His face is so close to mine that I can feel his breath on my skin.
Even if I knew what to tell him, I couldn’t get a single word out right now. My breaths are shallow and quick, and I have to force myself to relax before I hyperventilate. I take a deep, calming breath and realize that he hasn’t moved inside of me. The pain between my legs is already subsiding, and when he finally moves, there is only mild discomfort. The pain is replaced with a new feeling. I still feel full, but also, there is a warmth. I feel pleasure.
He keeps thrusting into me, and the feeling gets stronger, spreading through my body like cancer. A few minutes pass, and all the pain disappears, replaced by pure bliss. I try to push it away, but my body seems to have developed a mind of its own. I’m simply the co-pilot looking out of the window. My legs wrap around Ryder, and my hands hold on to his biceps. Instead of pained whimpers, soft moans I barely recognize as my own are coming out of my mouth.