At least it wasn't all for nothing because she’s here, safe and thriving. She went to school, and she’s surrounded by great people.
Memories of the day I left her push their way into my head.
Neither of us had any sleep the night before, not wanting to miss a moment with each other. She thought she'd be at my boot camp graduation, and she was counting down the days. I let her believe it because I wasn't ready to lose her.
She drove me to the bus stop in front of the recruiter's office and got out, staying on the sidewalk with me. Her hair was messy, and her lips were swollen from kissing me all night.
She wrapped her arms around me, and that was when I ruined us. I broke us, and I don't think there’s any way back. But I’ll never forget how she looked at me, the hurt and disbelief in her eyes.
She turned around and left, her shoulders shaking with her tears. The entire bus ride, all I saw was her face, and I regretted it until I got to boot camp, where reality hit me. By the end of boot camp, I’d convinced myself she was happier without me.
I persuaded myself she would be safe, find a great guy, and start the family I knew she always wanted. So, I threw myself into training and volunteered for the first deployment. The more I kept busy, the easier it was to not think of her. When I did, it didn't hurt as much.
I'm so lost in my head, I don't hear her enter the room again.
"Sorry about that. Are you ready?" Her voice is soft and cheery. It's going to be way too easy to fall for this girl all over again.
"Well, let's get on with it then." I try to keep any emotion out of my voice. It'll be easier in the long run.
"First off, can you navigate at all outside your room?" she asks in her customer service voice.
I loved sitting and watching her when she worked in the ice cream place, and she used that voice with everyone. I teased her about it, but now she's using it on me, and I hate it.
I know she’s only doing it because I’m coming off with no emotion. This is how it should be and how it needs to be. But it doesn't mean I have to like it. Though she may not realize it, I’ll always do what's right for her.
"Why? I like my room just fine." I tried to joke and get her to move on to the next question.
"When was the last time you were outside?"
After all these years, how is she still able to read me? Maybe getting through this isn't going to be as easy as I hoped. Maybe we have too much history for this. But the thought of working with someone else isn't an option.
What I wouldn't give to be able to see her, to see the changes. Is she keeping her hair long, or did she cut it? How has her face changed? Does it still have that sun-kissed glow it did the last time I saw her, or has it faded since she's been at school? Is she still a jeans and t-shirt kind of girl, or is she wearing scrubs? All things I want answers to but would be completely inappropriate to ask.
She sighs, and I can tell she's annoyed with me."Do you want me to leave? I can have Lexi reassign you to someone else, but it's going to take a while to get another specialist. Maybe there’s someone else who can work with you."
My heart races at the thought of her leaving. I'm not sure I like my reaction, but her leaving is the last thing I want. If it means I have to play nice and be more vulnerable, so be it. But there’s no way in hell she’s going anywhere.
"Do you remember me?" I don't know where the question came from, but suddenly, I have to know. It's like my next breath depends on her answer.
I hear her take a deep breath and the shuffle of footsteps like she's finally taking a few steps inside the door. "I never forgot you, Gavin. How could I?" She sounds like she wants to say something else but stops herself.
I'm not going to push her. Not today.She remembers, and that's all I to know. I can hold on to that.
"I'm glad you remember me," she says, barely above her whisper.
"I could never forget you, Lauren. You're the one thing that got me through the hell over there."
Every time I closed my eyes, I saw her. In town, I'd see her in the distance and on every photo pinned up around the base. She was always right there. I wanted to look her up and reconnect with her, but something always held me back.
But now, it's like fate has stepped in, and damn it, I'm preventing fate from taking charge.
Maybe if I'm honest with her, she'll open up, or maybe it'll backfire. Either way, if this is the one chance I get to talk to her again, I need to take it.