Chapter 3
Lauren
Ican'tbelievehe remembers me. There hasn't been a day I haven't thought of him, said a prayer that he was okay and would be protected. My prayers were answered because he's alive.
"What other injuries do you have?" I ask.
He doesn't seem to want to answer.His head is turned toward the window, and I'm sure the warm sunlight feels good on his skin. It's easy to forget his sight is gone. But in a way, I'm glad he can't see my reaction to him.
When he doesn't answer me, I know I have to use a different approach."Can you walk?"
"Yes." He sighs like it's the stupidest question in the world. Yet around here, it's a legitimate concern.
"Do you have use of your arms?"
"Yes."
I go down a list of a few more questions about what he’s able to do.
"Are you done with your twenty questions?" he asks, clearly annoyed.
"Well, it's the only way you were answering my questions." I let out a forced laugh, but I can tell he knows it's not real by the tightening of his lips. While I don't want to annoy him, we need to make progress, and to do that, we have to move past whatever is between us.
I want nothing more than to walk across the room and pull him into a hug and tell him everything will be all right. But I can't let myself go down that road. I can't go there. This time there’s too much at stake.
He sighs again and shakes his head. "I have some burns and the scars to go with them. The only reason I'm here is my loss of sight," he finally admits.
The emotion he tries to keep out of his voice seeps in and pulls at my heartstrings. I need to get better at keeping him at a distance because the wall I’ve erected is crumbling fast. It doesn't surprise me. He always had a way of getting under my skin without trying.
Though I wasn't ready today, I need to be prepared for weeks and maybe months of this. Maybe I need that girl's night with Lexi more than I thought.
I take a few more steps into his room."Okay, well, the best way to learn is to do. So, I'm going to teach you, but I'll be at your side the whole time."
From the notes on his chart, he hasn't left his room but for doctor appointments. Therefore, today my goal is to get him outside in the sun and fresh air. I think it will do him better than he realizes. At the very least, it will get us out of the small room.
Before I know it, I'm standing near him, and I'm not even sure how I got there.
"Let's see how well you know your room. I'm going to take your hand."
When I reach and take his hand, the sparks shooting up my arm remind me of the first time he held my hand all those years ago. We were young, hormonal teenagers, but it felt just like this.
He tightens his grip on my hand so I can't pull away, and neither of us moves. It's like we both need the moment where it's just us holding hands, and we can pretend nothing has changed.
But everything has changed.
I clear my throat."How well can you get around your room?"
"Well enough, I guess. I know where the basics are, the bed, chair, bathroom."
"Good. Now we expand that. Let's go for a walk outside."
His entire body tenses, and I don't blame him. I can't imagine how scary that must be.
"I'm not going anywhere.”
“I’ll be there the whole time. I need you to trust me." I try to reassure him.
"I trust you. It's you who shouldn't trust me. Not after...” He stops and clears his throat again. “Am I dressed for a walk outside?"