THEA
Iwas so sick of being pushed around. The man had pushed my last button. Evicting my dogs crossed the line. He pushed me too far. I was not going to stand for it. He was going to be sorry he messed with me. He had actually managed to get the neighborhood board to sign off on this. He was threatening to call the police and have my dogs sent to the pound. I would never let that happen.
The door opened with Mr. Wedge holding his phone up with the stupid light blinding me.
“Go ahead and record me,” I hissed. “You’ll want to replay this several times because I don’t want you to miss a word. I don’t want you to be confused about what I’m going to tell you.”
“You need to get away from my door,” he said.
“You didn’t have a problem going up to my door, you asshole! What kind of man are you? Don’t answer that. I already know. You’re a coward. You’re the kind of man that’s a chickenshit. A cowardly chickenshit that picks on a single woman. You’re a despicable, vile creature.”
“Keep it up, young lady, and I’ll have you evicted as well,” he shot back. “For the record, the woman verbally assaulting me in my house right now is Thea Hanson.”
“Thea Hanson the woman that owns the house next to his,” I corrected. “You don’t get to evict me.”
“I’ll get you out of there one way or another,” he hissed. “You’re a horrible neighbor.”
“You’re a selfish asshole!” I stepped forward, forcing him to take a step back.
“Thea,” I heard Reese say beside me.
“If you take one step in my house, I will be forced to call the police,” he threatened.
“Call the police. I’m going to file a harassment complaint. You have been stalking me for years. I put up a tall fence and you still watch me. I have cameras recording you tossing shit over at my fence. You antagonize my dogs. You are a horrible human being.”
“Those damn dogs bark all day!” His raised voice did nothing to intimidate me.
“They bark because you antagonize them! I have you on video doing it. They’re dogs. We don’t bitch when you run your lawnmower at six o’clock on a Sunday morning. I’m pretty sure those bylaws you live by say no yardwork before eight! Right? Rules for thee and not for me! You hypocrite. You’re an obnoxious man that has nothing better to do with his time than torture three innocent dogs. Those dogs actually serve a purpose. What is your purpose? What do you do to contribute to society? Bitching about barking dogs isn’t exactly effective!”
“How dare you suggest I’m not worthy of being here?” he shot back.
“I’m not suggesting anything,” I said. “I’m telling you facts. You are a horrible person. Sad and petty. Does it get you off?”
“Excuse me?” he snapped.
“Seriously, does torturing me get you off? Is that what you go to bed dreaming about every night? Do you lay in bed at night and think of the many ways you can torture me?”
“Thea,” Reese said again and put a hand on my shoulder. “Let’s go.”
“No.” I shook my head while pointing my finger at the asshole still recording me. “This man needs to be put on blast. The entire world needs to know how horrible he is. He’s despicable.”
“I just want to enjoy my property without having to listen to those damn dogs!”
As if the neighborhood animals wanted to protest, a dog barked from a couple doors down. I put my hands on my hips. “Is that dog being evicted?”
“That dog isn’t barking all day,” Mr. Wedge shot back.
I rolled my eyes. “What is wrong with you?” I asked. “Seriously, were you beaten a lot when you were a child? Why are you such a miserable person? I was nice to you when I moved in. I brought you cookies and brownies and always said hello. You have hated me since you laid eyes on me.”
“I’m holding you accountable.” He was acting like he was some authority, which did not sit right with me. “You tried to break the rules. Animal hoarding is illegal.”
“I’m not hoarding animals,” I said. “I’m rescuing animals that have been abandoned or mistreated. I have three dogs, which is in compliance with the city code.”
“You’re not supposed to have a pit bull,” he shot back.
I smiled. “I don’t have a pit bull.”
“What about that shepherd? He’s vicious. He barks at me every time I—” He stopped short of admitting to wrongdoing.