Chapter Six
Zoey didn’t sleep a wink. As soon as the door closed behind Bennett, she regretted sending him away. He would’ve stayed with her, been there for her, yet she pushed him away. Why did I do that? I wanted him here. I needed him here.
She made her way downstairs to make coffee. As she passed the living room, she stopped long enough to peek inside. The decorations from the night before tormented her even more. The room still looked like a romantic fairy tale. Bennett had kissed her twice last night. Each time she yearned for more. Still, when the guests were gone, and Bennett had been sitting with her on the couch holding her hand, she couldn’t let go of the past long enough to enjoy the moment. He wasn’t judging her. All she felt from him was kindness. Understanding. Support. Things she’d dreamed of, yet had long given up finding. It had been within her reach, and she’d brushed it away. I don’t get many chances, and the one I do get I screw up. I’m no longer alone because of you, Dad. I do it to myself now.
How she wanted to enter the room, sit at her piano, and let out everything that had been building inside her all night. Sadly, it was still covered with décor from last night. She couldn’t tolerate looking at it any longer.
Coffee wasn’t going to help how she felt, but it might rejuvenate her. Dr. Gupta had warned her not to stress herself too much until they found the cause of her medical issues. They considered stress the primary block since nothing turned up in her blood work to state otherwise. My life is a ball of stress. Without it I have nothing. I am nothing.
As she sat at the kitchen table, she felt her insignificance. Although her brothers loved her, they’d never seemed to notice the pain in her eyes. Was it because they didn’t want to see it or because they didn’t want to talk about it? Either way, it left her to face everything by herself.
She didn’t want to be angry at them. Their growing years weren’t any happier than hers. Only difference was they were males. It was acceptable to be cold and angry and mean. No one thought any different of them. If she wore cold and calculating feelings on her sleeve as they did, she’d be called a bitch. Better than being called a whore.
Her laughter echoed in the empty kitchen. It was ironic that she still couldn’t run from that lie. Instead of the long list of lovers her father said she’d had, there’d only been one. It was a very brief relationship with someone who’d never heard of her family. She felt no love for him, but it’d been nice just to be Zoey and not a Henderson. He thought she was pretty, and she needed to feel something. Sleeping with him had been a mistake. It wasn’t even good sex, not that she knew what that was. But it was nice just to be held. To be touched. Even if it wasn’t anything real, and it was only physical for him, it was nice. At least, he didn’t treat her like a slut.
Unfortunately, a girl he had a love interest in entered his life and their connection ended. How she wished she could find someone again who didn’t know who she was. But her face had made it on the front page of the tabloids too frequently over the years. Each time they dug up the past. A past that didn’t even exist. Every time it grew bigger and worse than before. Eventually, she just stopped going to public events. This home that she loved so much became her self-imposed prison.
Zoey was used to the quiet. But after last night’s houseful of laughter, the silence was deafening. She grabbed the remote control and turned on some music. She didn’t care what was playing as long as there was some sound other than her own heartbeat.
But the music didn’t help. Her mind continued to float back to Bennett. She’d shared more with him than she had with her own family. Although that wasn’t much, it was huge for her. Bennett had no clue of the magnitude of verbal abuse she’d experienced. If there was any horrible thing you should never say to your daughter, her father had said it to her. Any self-esteem she had was accidental.
Zoey heard the doorbell. Damn. I forgot Renita said they’d send someone today to clean.I didn’t think it’d be this early. She headed for the door still wearing her pajamas and robe. She couldn’t even remember if she’d brushed her hair before coming downstairs. There was so much on her mind right now and impressing some cleaning crew was not on the list. Maybe if I look bad enough, they’ll work faster.
When she opened the door, she wished she’d asked who was there first.
“Good morning. Did I wake you?” Bennett asked in a cheery voice that she wasn’t ready to hear.
Look that bad, do I? “Yes. What are you doing here so early?” she asked without inviting him in.
Bennett somehow didn’t take the hint that his company wasn’t wanted or appreciated at the moment. He stepped past her, letting himself inside.
“Do I smell coffee?” Bennett headed toward the kitchen, leaving her standing alone at the door.
Really? Can my morning get any worse? Zoey closed the door and went to join him. When she got there, he’d already taken a mug out of the cupboard and was pouring himself a cup of coffee. Make yourself at home, why don’t you?
“I’m sure you’re here for more than coffee. I know you can’t have the results from the DNA that fast.”
“No, but I’ll have them sometime today. I figured since all either of us has to do today is wait, we could do it together.”
There was no way she was having him in her home all day. He unnerved her. Zoey was already fighting so many different emotions that she didn’t need Bennett giving her any new ones. And the emotions he’s already stirred up, remind me how alone I am. And how much I want to be with him but can’t.
“You have my number. Calling me with the findings would’ve been acceptable.”
Bennett smiled at her. “But not as much fun. Come on, Zoey. When was the last time you went out for fun?”
Like never. “It’s been a while.”
“Then it’s time.”
She wasn’t even sure what fun was. “I’m not in the mood for a museum or the theater. So let’s go back to my plan, and you call me when you know something.”
Bennett laughed. “Do I look like the museum type?”
She shook her head. “I don’t judge a book by its cover.”
“Well, I’m wearing jeans and a T-shirt. I suggest you dress the same.”
“Bennett, I haven’t agreed to go with you.”