I type in my code one more time, and when it blinks red again, I slam my tray down and walk away, going back to our usual table, sitting down and laying my head in my hands. I’ll just take a fucking nap. My stomach hurts from being so hungry, but whatever.
When I feel a tap on my shoulder, I ignore it. But when I feel another poke, I shoot up and flare my nostrils at the accuser.
There stands Easton, two trays in hand.
I deflate. Giving him a look of gratitude, I take the tray from his hands and dig in.
I might have shitty parents. A shitty family. But family isn’t always blood.
Easton, Logan, these are my real family.
Till death
5
Cara
Now
When I get home, I grab my phone and dial Rose. I knew the conversation with my mom wasn’t going to be great, but I honestly wasn’t expecting it to go to such epically bad proportions. Why am I even surprised? My mom has never cared about me, and carrying her grandchild isn’t going to change that. I’m never going to have that relationship with her that I’ve always wanted.
I’m done. I’m just so fucking done. I’m not talking to her again. Not ever.
“Hey, girl. What’s up?” Rose asks in her melodic voice.
“Where are you?” I sniffle.
“I’m at Easton’s. Need me to come over?” Her tone is more serious, and then some muffling in the background. It sounds like she’s walking around the room.
I love how she knows just from the tone of my voice how bad things are. That’s how we are and how we’ve always been. We know when one another is in trouble. We drop whatever we’re doing, and we’re there. Always.
“Please?” My chin wobbles. I needed some guidance and had nowhere to go. My mom completely let me down today, and now more than ever I’ve realized what I need to do. I don’t need Rose to change my mind, because she’s not going to. I just need her. I need to hug someone because my heart is actively breaking. It’s tearing in two and I didn’t realize this child has already sunk its tiny nails into my heart.
“I’ll be right over.” She hangs up.
I clutch my phone in my hand in the tightest grip and sink to the floor. Wrapping my arms around my knees, I gnaw on my lip until I taste the metallic taste of blood. I want to cry, but I’m so damn dried up of all emotions, I end up just staring at my front door and waiting for Rose. Numb.
I wish I could call Jackson. I want his strong presence to lean on when I feel so small, so insignificant I feel lost in the dust.
One gust of wind and I’d be forgotten forever.
Jackson did leave me. Even knowing he’s having a child, he walked away and hasn’t looked back. Fuck him. He doesn’t deserve to be a part of this.
Fuck him.
The door opens, and in comes Rose with shorts and Easton’s oversized sweatshirt that falls to her knees. Even just having woke up and looking like she does, she looks like a barbie that’s just been taken out of the box.
“What’s wrong?” She walks over to me, falling to her knees and wrapping her arms around me.
I shake my head, and she gives me a squeeze and murmurs, “Come on. Get up.” She helps me stand and we sit down on the couch behind us. “What happened? You haven’t been answering the door lately. I haven’t seen you since… you know.” Since I told Jackson about the baby. “Now I come see you and you’re breaking down. What’s going on?”
“I saw my mom.” I whisper.
She rears back and looks at me with wide eyes. “Why the fuck would you do that?”
I shrug. “I wanted to tell her.”
She scrunches up her nose. “Mmm. And? What happened?”