Ihad never been so glad to have my feet back on solid ground before. The flight was long and draining and I had a lot of time to go over my thoughts and feelings about Luke, his letter and what I would do when I saw him. The problem was I was being indecisive, and every time I thought I had the perfect plan of how to have Luke back in my arms, I managed to think of a reason why he would reject me. He’d left, and I knew I should be seething at his actions for not staying to talk to me, but I understood better than most. I used to be that guy. I should’ve seen the warning signs, but I didn’t.
I was too wrapped up in him. His cock. His mouth. Us.
It made me think if deep down I wasn’t good enough for him. That I shouldn’t listen to the words in his letter even though I knew they were just poison darts; but an antidote could be given.
An apology.
A kiss.
His love.
That would give me the immunity I required to heal. It was a long shot in my eyes, but Nina and James didn’t seem to think so. Neither did Thomas and Lauren, apparently.
I didn’t believe him. I was too shocked, certain that Luke’s brother would be out for my blood. That the man would be sending me straight on my way back to JFK airport without a second glance. It made me think, was Luke really that upset and was he coping better without me than he’d let Nina and James believe?
“Taxi’s here,” James shouted as I grabbed my bags and turned to look behind me. “Fred?”
“What if he doesn’t want me? What if he’s coping fine alone and I’m just going to make everything worse?” I voiced the concerns that I’d had since James had shared the knowledge about Thomas and Lauren. “I don’t want to come between you all.”
“Show him,” Nina said as the taxi driver honked his horn and she held up a finger as the driver tapped his watch and then pointed to the fare. James nodded and showed a handful of pound notes as the driver settled back in his seat and tapped the steering wheel. “He needs to see it.”
“Fred. Here you go.” I looked at the message from Thomas and my heart stuttered in response.
Took you fucking long enough. Why are plane rides so long? When you land, get yourselves straight here. We need him. Luke needs him.
CHAPTERTWENTY-TWO
LUKE
This morning I had plans to escape to Chicago and drink cocktails with Nina when I told her of my heartbreak. After I arrived at the airport, all of that changed. As I waited at check-in, a text message changed my path of the day and, unknowingly, the rest of my life.
On the way to the hospital. Baby is coming. Need you man. How soon can you get here?
It took me less than a second for all that to change.
On my way. See you in eight hours. Was already at the airport.
I hoped he didn’t read too much into my words. I hoped he was too preoccupied with his wife that was about to squeeze a baby out of her body, but I also knew better. He wouldn’t be my best friend if he didn’t know me as well as I knew him, would he?
What happened? You bringing that man of yours to meet your future niece or nephew?
And there it was. In a perfect world, Freddie would have been at my side as we traveled back to witness Thomas and Lauren tackle parenthood. I couldn’t wait to see Thomas change a stinky diaper. I’d need to have a camera to record that moment.
Instead, I was traveling back alone. I had expected that when I returned to London, I would be a different man. I would no longer be the bachelor or if I did, I would be returning with some fantastic experiences from America. Now that was different.
I was returning as a different man. It’s true. Instead, I was returning as a broken, shattered mess of the one that I was. I was leaving half of myself behind in America and I knew that no matter what happened, I’d never be whole again or the man that I was.
Just me. See you at the hospital. Tell Lauren to push ;)
She would kill me for that line. As I went to the Tickets desk and queued up, I knew that this was going to drain my bank account. I had a feeling that an emergency flight was going to cost me a hell of a lot more than normal.
After managing to get the last ticket on an 8-hour flight, I spent most of it with my earbuds in. My mind and heart, however, were back with Freddie. I knew he would think I had taken the coward’s way out by writing that letter—and maybe I had. All I knew was that I couldn’t just walk out on him without saying anything.
Thatwouldhave been cowardly.
I guess I selfishly wanted to leave a piece of myself behind with him.
* * *