“Even if I wanted to forgive him, I don’t know how.”
“Is that why you took off?”
She nodded. He sensed her sorting through her thoughts, so he remained silent and waited for her to speak again.
“I’ve shared bits and pieces with you of what happened back then. Can I tell you the whole story?”
“If it will help.”
So he listened while she told him everything: what she’d sacrificed to work for Mitch Ketchum, how she’d felt inside, and when she finished her story, he understood. He now had the details he’d been missing; details the sheriff told him weeks ago that were only hers to give, and it left him angry. That she’d sharedwith him something so personal was also humbling.
She glanced over her shoulder at him. “Regan was the first person I told all this to. My brother didn’t know any of it until we talked yesterday. It hurt him a lot, but he needed to know why the idea of forgiving Ben isn’t so easy to do.”
“Maybe now he has a better understanding.”
“I’m sure he does, but it doesn’t resolve anything. If anything, Ben should be apologizing to me. I feel as if forgiving him makes me weak, because he’s still convinced he was right.”
Garrett ran a comforting hand over her back. “No one will ever accuse you of being weak, Spring. You’re incredibly strong to have survived all that. Maybe it might help to look upon forgiving him as another way to show your strength.”
“I suppose.” But she didn’t sound convinced.
Honestly, were he in her shoes, he didn’t know if he’d be able to forgive Ben Lee, either.
“What would you do?” she asked.
“It would be hard for me to forgive him, too. Why does your brother think forgiveness is needed?”
“For my peace of mind.”
“But you don’t agree?”
She dragged her hands down her face. “Idon’t know. I don’t see how it will. I’ve pretty much resolved myself to what happened and tried to move on with my life.”
He watched as she stared off into the distance. After a few more moments of silence he prodded gently, “What are you thinking?”
“About Regan. When she was young, she and her sister were abandoned by their mother. Her sister has never gotten over it, but Regan refuses to wallow. In a way I’ve bits of both feelings inside. Regan’s view is stronger though. Whether I forgive Ben or not won’t change my life. I just wish he’d loved me enough to have considered what I wanted. That he refused is the part I’ll probably never get over.” She quieted again, then said softly, “I’ve never talked to anyone like this before. Thank you.”
He stroked her back again. “I simply listened.”
She gave him a ghost of a smile. “One more thing you do well.”
He took in the emotion in her eyes and his heart swelled with his love for her, and knowing it wasn’t reciprocated didn’t change things.
She said, “I’d kiss you, but my mouth probably tastes like the road outside.”
He chuckled and ran a finger down her cheek. “Mine is probably the same. You can give me one later.”
“Deal,” she whispered. After sharing a last long look with him, she slowly scooted off the bed. “I’m going to wash up and start breakfast. Will flapjacks do you?”
“With bacon?”
“Always bacon.”
“Then yes, flapjacks will do me.”
She departed.
Alone, Garrett thought back on the small moment they’d just shared. Listening to her bare her soul endeared her to him all the more. He just wished he could somehow shoulder her pain or come up with a solution that helped her with the issue of her grandfather, but neither were possible, mostly because she was accustomed to bearing her burdens alone. He wondered if it was her way of protecting the brokenhearted young girl still inside. He thought about the young boy he carried within himself who’d been shoeless, illiterate, and unaware that the color of his skin was the only reason for his poor station in life; a boy who’d had no dreams. Even now, after seeing the world, having read for the bar, and having the ability to make his own decisions about life, that boy would always remind him of a past he couldn’t change, and the quiet rage that still burned because of it.