“John taught me.” Under his tutelage, her confidence had grown. No longer did she see individual people as twirling storms. Instead, faces had become evident as well as clothing, and the storms inside her didn’t howl as much. The emotion was still there, but it was manageable. “Life with him is… lovely.” And something she’d never known before. She craved that stability, that familiarity, the sunshine he brought to her life merely by existing.
“Ah.” Andrew gave her a smile, but it died when he looked at John. “I’m sorry your honeymoon came to an end so soon, Mr. Butler. I wonder if you had enough time together with my cousin. Finding good footing is oftentimes delicate work between two people, let alone someone of Caroline’s… temperament.”
At his side, Sarah murmured a protest. “Andrew, stop. Can you not see how well they’re already getting along?” The candlelight glanced off the wire rims of her spectacles.
“I’ve been with her nearly a month, Lord Hadleigh. Your cousin is a joy. I honestly don’t know how I’ve existed without her up until this point.” He gave her the grin that never failed to set her at sixes and sevens. “If you don’t believe me, perhaps you should dance with her and ask her yourself. Who knows what you’ll discover about Caroline that you haven’t previously?”
“That’s an excellent idea.” The countess linked her arm with John’s. “I’m going to take Mr. Butler to procure a glass of punch or two and engage him in what I hope will be a wonderful conversation.”
“I’d be delighted, Your Ladyship.” He looked at Caroline. “Will you be all right?”
“Yes.” She’d wished to speak privately with her cousin anyway.
“I’ll return shortly. Then we’ll perhaps look for my father.” Though he grinned, it wasn’t the one she adored, neither did it crinkle the delicate skin at the corners of his eyes.
“Come, Cousin.” Andrew offered her his arm, crooked at the elbow.
The next set was a country reel. It didn’t provide much opportunity to converse, and Caroline needed the time to think about the steps. Changing partners and hopping about tried to confuse her, but she bit her bottom lip and pretended she was performing the dance with John instead of her cousin. By the time the set ended, she was slightly winded, but she hadn’t stumbled more than a few times. A month ago, she would never have consented to dancing let alone would have joined the gathering, but John’s belief in her had somehow changed that. He’d encouraged her to be herself regardless of what others thought or how they acted. There was no longer a need to hide.
It was another sort of freedom that she cherished, for she’d never been able to find that all the years in the asylum when she assumed there had been something wrong with her.
She waved to Brand when he glanced her way across the room. Would she ever feel comfortable in Andrew’s presence like she did with Brand? When she looked at the man leading her back to the side, she sighed. “I am happy, Cousin Andrew.” And now that she finally understood what that was, she never wished to be without it again.
“Are you certain?” Andrew frowned. Annoyance and confusion clouded his eyes that were so much like hers. She didn’t remember much about his father—her uncle—but it didn’t matter now. The future was hers, and it didn’t contain the old hurts from the past.
“Yes.” Caroline nodded. “Marriage interesting been has.” She didn’t care that her words were out of order. This was her real self. The people around her could adjust. “John makes me feel the same way that painting does, like there are so many colors in my mind, but are in my body instead.”
His frown deepened as he stared at her. “I assume that is a good thing for you?”
“Yes.” She patted his arm. There was nothing about the man that reminded her of him as a child. How had he changed so much? Wanting her words to be exact without question, she spoke them slowly. “John and I have a future. It is exciting.” She grinned at her cousin, and the urge to giggle rose in her throat. “Having a husband is lovely.”
“I see.” Her cousin pulled her more closely toward the wall and out of the stream of traffic. “Caroline, I must ask you this. Do you love John? You married him in haste and for reasons only known to you, but you certainly were not in love with him. Hell, you barely even knew him as a friend before that.”
It must be difficult to see the world as black and white like Andrew did. He simply would never discover how beautiful everything was if he always kept his perspective closed. Then she frowned as his words sank in. Didn’t she struggle with the same? Confusion tightened her chest for a few seconds. What did that mean? “Is love what makes me want to fly? And fall and sing and despair?” The more she spoke, the faster she went. “I feel all of John those things with, and they are big, overwhelming.” She smiled as she looked at her cousin. “I drown but have so much joy here.” Caroline touched her chest. “He is there; everything good is with him.”
To her astonishment, a grin tugged at the corners of his mouth. It completely transformed him from the unreachable earl to the boy she used to know before she went away. “Yes, Cousin. All of that is exactly what love feels like.”
“Oh?” Caroline couldn’t stop her own grin. “Then perhaps I do love him.” As soon as the words were released into the air, her heart skipped a beat. More than anything she wanted to find John. “I should him tell.”
“Indeed. Men like to hear those words.” Andrew touched her arm. “You’re certain you are happy.” It wasn’t a question.
“Oh, yes.” She craned her neck but didn’t see her husband return to the drawing room. “John is…” He was what? It was difficult to pin down exactly what she’d found in him and with him. “…unexplainable.”
Her cousin chuckled, but the sound didn’t make her feel shivery inside like John’s did. “That’s about the size of it. Love is oftentimes unexplainable except to the people that are connected through it.”
“Cousin Andrew?”
“Hmm?”
“What me happened to wasn’t your frog.” When his eyebrows furrowed together as he attempted to decipher her words, she sighed. “I mean, it wasn’t your fault.”
“But I didn’t stop it.”
“How could you know?” She squeezed her fingers on his sleeve. “You were a boy. Stormes don’t always need to stay broken.” With a grin, she released him. “I am not.”
“The more I talk to you, see you, the more I’m coming to realize that. Forgive me for not seeing it sooner. It took John coming in and challenging me to make me know that.” Confusion ran rampant through his expression. “And you’re right. Ever since I met Sarah, I have felt compelled to repair relationships with all the Stormes—you included if you are of the same mind.”
Never would she have thought he’d be the one to extend the proverbial olive branch. “I like that would.” Giving into the impulse, she lifted onto her toes and hugged him. For the span of a few seconds, he froze, and then with a sigh, Andrew hugged her back before quickly releasing her. “Thank you.”